Breaks up with me, then texts to see if I'm ok???

[amyg091]

so my boyfriend of 4 months started withdrawing into his little cave becasue he doesn't have a job, isn't happy with his situation and other stresses. mkay. i get that. he finally talked to me and said the relationship doesn't feel right anymore, I fought for it, he said i don't think i like how persistent you're being. so I said i'd back off. he said that's best for now. we had a cordial break up and I thought that was it.

 

now it's 2 days later. he texted me this morning saying "lemme know how you're holding up. I've been worrying a bit."

so i gave him the honest answer, its hard but i'm managing. thanks for asking.

GUYS - why would he text me this? I dont really get it. he wanted space. i backed off. then he texts me? is he just trying to keep tabs on me? if he tries to talk to me again what should I do?

[anxeo]

i think he just feels guilty for making you feel bad and wanted to see how you are doing. if he try's to talk to you again either dont respond or respond with one word answers or something. you should respect the breakup. he's not in a good place right now and should be left alone

[amyg091]

that's what i tried to do when i responded today. i didnt engage him in conversation. just answered his question then went about my business.

honestly if he's going to keep texting me though thats just making the break harder, extending the pain.

idk he can't have it both ways i guess - wanting to keep tabs on me but not wanting to be with me.

[Mesemene]

Could be keeping tabs, could be seeing if you'd answer, could be good old fashioned guilt.

 

And you need to decide if you can hear from him without it dredging up feelings and wanting the relationship back - or if it really isn't a big deal to you. That determines what to do - if you aren't ready to hear from him with "no strings" of emotion, just tell him "hey, getting used to not being in a relationship is a lot harder if you call me more than when we were a couple!" or however you want to put it to him. If it dredges up hope and feelings you don't think are helping you, make your boundaries clear.

[guynextdoor]

He's unemployed, got nothing better to do is my guess. Ignore him.

[Tanzi]

In this case I think he is feeling a little guilty after telling you to back off. I wouldn't read too much into it at the moment as you've yet to hear from him again ... it may be a one-off. However, if he does keep on texting you, asking how you are but not indicating that he wants to get back together, then you are going to have to tell him exactly what he told you ... to back off!

 

For the record, I think your answer was perfect!