threesomes

[lost and alone]

My girlfriend and i were recently talking about getting back together...it seemed plausible at first but then things got worse and i called it all off. Several days later, she was at a friends house and they got drunk...her, a friend and her husband. Well u can just imagine what happened. However, the deal was that my x was just supposed to be with the girl and thats it(she is bi). The husband was told this btw and he was just supposed to watch them and then the wife would deal with him after that.

 

Well the girls do their thing and the husband joins in which wasnt part of the deal. Of course it was dark and noone could see. Well he starts messing with my x. Of course soon the wife found out and she called the whole thing off.

 

While the husband got up to use the restroom, the girls discovered a camera under some clothes. They got mad, put their clothes on and stopped everything.

 

My x calls me a few days later upset and telling me what happened and that she feels bad. I also felt bad as i still had feelings for her and this sort of situation had happened before..we broke up and she slept with a guy after two weeks.

 

Anyways, i spoke to her about it and i felt really horrible. We spoke and the wife was pretty mad since her husband had done stuff with my x. I also felt the same way. Well a day went by and the wife finally called me and my x over..since my x was visiting me.

 

We go over there and have a few drinks and the wife feels like she should get revenge since her husband messed around with my x. She asks my x if it was ok and she said she wasnt bothered by it. So all of us did our thing and i was a little better after that...

 

My thing now is that i still dont trust her going over there by herself for obvious reasons...on top of this my x has been real apologetic and she wants to get back with me. Its always been my thing to have two women and she feels now that since she has done this for me that maybe we can start talking...

 

I just dont know what to do. She said that it wont happen again..and we WERENT going out...i just made her feel bad as to finally get my way with this situation(you messed around with her i wasnt there blah blah blah) the thing is...should i go back out with her? my roommate says no but hes not reliable at the moment because none of his relationships have ever worked out right...She has never cheated on me while we were together.. and she says shes not messing around with anyone anymore...is she worthy of a second chance?

[lolie]

Let me get this straight : you consider that when you have a 3some with your girlfriend and another person no one is cheating, right ?

 

I dont know, you'd have to say what cheating is for you first...

[lost and alone]

thats just it we were talking about getting back together because we were broke up. I feel like its cheating but we werent together so what can i do?

 

I mean as long as we arent together its not cheating i guess even if we are talking about getting back together..its just we got into a big fight and i told her i didnt think it would really work out so thats where we are at now.

 

We are still talking about getting back together but i dont know..i dont want to jump into something just to have this happen again or to think ok if we have problems and break up will she bang someone else? i dont know what to do...

[lolie]

Ok my opinion is that a cheater remains a cheater. If she cheated on you once, she wont hesitate to do it again. After all, she'd have nothing to be afraid of since you already gave her another chance.

But apparently what you're saying is that technically no one cheated since everytime something happened you werent really together.

So I dont know, if you really like this girl, tell her you wanna be with her provided she never cheats on you. Tell her you dont want her to see other people, even if it's just for sexual games.

If she doesnt get that, walk away, she's not for you.

[OceanEyes]

I think you and your woman have a pretty hard time communicating and setting boundaries - especially sexual ones - which are probably the most important. There's no doubt in my mind that if she was liberal enough to tell you, in detail, what happened sexually between her and other people, that she didn't even know how much it would affect you.

 

Also, if the two of you were not technically together, it can't be considered cheating. You can be sore and jealous, but in reality, when you call it quits, she has autonomy to sleep with whomever she wants, when she wants. Isn't that the ideal of being 'single'? Now, had the two of you taken some sort of agreeable 'break' from one another to sort out your own lives, then I could see it as being cheating. But in this case, you've told us that you were not technically comitted to each other during the time she was with other people. And in addition, she told you about what happened. Shouldn't that count for something? She could have lied about it or kept it from you for as long as she could.

 

Ask yourself is this is something you can get over. If you're a guy who isn't particularly trustworthy in the first place, then I would have to say the answer is "no".

 

Your girlfriend is obviously somewhat unorthodox in her sexuality, and she explored her desires. Most people do have desires that lead them out of what would be considered 'normalcy', but it usually takes someone a bit less inhibited and more adventurous to play out these fantasies. And you've told us that you ended up doing the same shortly thereafter. You seem perfect for each other!! lol

 

If you can accept that this whole situation was based purely on sexual exploration and experimentation and come to some sort of amicable understanding, then why not give it another chance? The way I see it, if you really thought that her experimenting with a threesome was such a horrible thing, you wouldn't have partaken in it with her weeks later, am I right? What I'm saying here is, it's unfair to play the martyr when you voluntarily did the same thing. I am a firm believer that two wrongs do not make a right, especially in relationships. If you believe that they do, then you're always going to be finding ways to 'seek revenge' on your partner. How does that makes sense if you're supposed to be 'in love'?

 

I would suggest that you and your girlfriend try to be more open, honest, and communicative about your expectations in your relationship. This way, the next time someone steps out of these boundaries, there will be no confusion as to who is wrong/ right. I think with a good long chat and some understanding from both ends, including what caused you to break up in the first place, you should be able to reach some common ground and be pretty happy!

[lost and alone]

while it may not have been the most mature response in the world, ill admit i was hurt...

 

The guy that was in this was also someone that i had known for many many years. He never once expressed desire for my girlfriend and it seems to me that if he was a good friend, then he would have never done this at all. I dont date people or mess around with people that my friends have dated so that may just be a morality that i have to live with. Regardless...

 

A similiar situation happened once when i was married. We were separated and she slept with someone else. He knew this as i had told him my story and still he did this to me anyway. So whatelse could i do?

Yeah i dropped hints..about how wrong it was..the wife took the bait. She was also mad since him messing around with my x was not part of the deal. The fact that he was recording it on camera while the camera was hidden proved that even though his wife told him u can watch but dont touch and ill satifsy you later, that in his mind, he planned on screwing her over in the beginning

 

It was all about revenge..noting more nothing less. Now that its happened, thinking about it still makes me mad but im not as mad as i once was. Another complication was that the guy and my x work together. Everyone knows me at their job, what if someone was to find out? Like i said before, it may not have been the best response but at least now i know that he cant hold it over me and gloat. That really hurts so i got dirty and did what i had to do.

 

Thats all it really was.....