How does the one who left find pain relief???

[terp]

I've posted before, so I wont go into great detail about mysituation. I left my husband, came out of the closet andinto the arms of another woman. My marriage was pretty good. Together for 16 years, two kids, we went through a lot together, we were great friends. Now, my new relationship requires SO much of my time, as it should, but I am trying to let go and move on, as is he. We are beginning divorce procedures and I am hurting a lot. I search and search and I find nothing on the internet to speak to my situation. I am hurting and I find no solace.

My new love and my family tells me that I need to let go, but I don't really know what that means. I ask my girlfriend what shemeans but she gives me few examples. Can any of you tell me what you think "letting go" means for you.

I hardly ever talk to him anymore, except about divorce issues and kids. He is seeing someone new now and I am glad forhim. But I am so sad. I need some advice.

Thanks

[RayKay]

Well terp, even though you left him it is normal to grieve (which is what you are doing now) and even more normal given that the situation was not something you could control - it was right for you to come out to him, and let him move on to find a women who would love him and desire him as you were unable to do.

 

The fact does remain though, that you and he were great friends, and had two beautiful children together, and you are grieving the loss of your closest friend, father of your children and the family you had.

 

Honestly, the only thing that will help you heal now is time, and support from family, friends, and your girlfriend. Have you been to counselling? Sometimes, talking to someone who has absolutely no first hand knowledge of the situation or the people involved can help amazingly.

 

Letting go means something different to everyone - and you will know when you get there. But I don't think your family and friends can just tell you to "let go" as it is a process that is different for EVERYONE and not something you can just "do". You will need to do it at your own pace, as I said, you really are in a grieving stage and thereforeeee all the steps that come along with it are possible to pop up. Don't be afraid of them - write in a journal, or here, or talk to someone who won't get "fed up" and tell you to just let go - as I said a counsellor might help here.

 

Best of luck to you, you will get there in time, though you will never entirely forget.