Is this a lost case?

[dream222]

So I want your opinion, more like to confirm what I already think is true, that this is a lost case.

 

My boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me 3 weeks ago. During this time I have experienced the whole shock for 2-3 days, the awkward feeling realizing you're suddenly single, then sadness and anger about 4 days ago when I saw him at a party and he acted like we were just barely acquaintances. When I got home that night I sent him a really angry email, saying how he is a narcissist incapable of caring about another human being etc. He replied saying you will be treated the way you act and how he had made such a good decision to break up with me, and that he was going to ignore that rest of that email. I know I should have not sent that email, it was very impulsive but he hurt me, he broke up with me when I needed him most, when I was going through a really stressful time in my life, with one thing going wrong after another. He stopped putting any effort into the relationship and distanced himself.

 

We also dated 2 years ago for a few months and I broke up with him because he distanced himself a lot. So essentially the same situation, except this time I waited for him to break up with me. And the whole time after the first break up I never stopped thinking of him even while dating, until we got back together.

 

I miss the closeness I had with him, I miss how wonderful it felt when things were going great. For one thing, the physical chemistry was always so freaking big between us. And I know that when I compare him to any guys around me, (including a guy that I've just met and sort of went on a date with...) he wins. And if I compare the adventages to dissadventages of dating him there are always too many advantages, so, essentially, I think I want him back AGAIN.

 

But I feel like unlike last time, this is officially a lost case, that this breakup is final and he won't ever change his mind. We currently have to see each other once a week for the next 2 months because of work and now he barely speaks to me, especially after I sent him that angry email. I feel like this is even more of a lost case since in about 7 months he will be switching jobs and moving to a different part of the country, which means the chances of our paths crossing again after that are about 0. The first time we broke up he was still contacting me after it happened, but this time he hasn't besides a work related email (and the angry reply to my angry email...) and I can almost swear that he never will get in touch with me now, that I lost him.

 

What is the best thing for me to do?

[ut804]

well if he's moving to a different part of the country in 7 months then it would of ended anyway, right?

 

and why did he break up with you?

 

the best thing you can do is no contact with him. if he truly misses you he will come back. i would say give it a fews days. if you dont hear from him in a week then move on.

[sososadnow]

Wow. I can really relate to this. I too had a boyfriend of 10 months. We broke up this past Wed. Two and a half weeks ago my best friend died suddenly of a heart attack and he just wasn't there for me. He is very self-centered, came close when he wanted something, then backed away. Great chemistry physically, I hear you. But I will be better off in the long run without this guy and you will be better off without your ex. Stay away, don't write. I have thought of writing similar emails but have restrained myself so far. Do you know what gaslighting is? Google it with psychology today. I bet it will sound familiar.

[dream222]

He broke up with me because he thought it felt like it required work being in a relationship with me. That it took effort on his part, and that he wanted to just "have fun".

 

I know for a fact he won't get in touch with me because he has no reason to anymore. And he won't actually get a chance to miss me because we have to work with each other for 2 hours one day a week (we work for the same company). I feel like in his mind the breakup happened 2 months ago when he first started distancing himself from me but he didn't actually communicate any of it to me until 3 weeks ago which I think is just immature.

 

I had decided that this time I wasn't going to be the one to break up with him because last time I did and I just felt really guilty after and felt like I had made a big mistake. Deep down I know I should be moving on, but he has become like an obsession...

[sososadnow]

I hope you look up "psychology today" and "gaslighting." You are addicted. This happens when someone is really wonderful to you and turns around and stabs you in the back. This is also known as intermittent rewards and punishments. Keeps you hooked, especially if you have abandonment issues. We will get over these heartless guys. It just takes time. I'm lucky I don't have to see my ex once a week. But luckily yours is leaving. Remember he is your EX.

[sososadnow]

Oh, and even if he does miss you and gets in touch with you, he will hurt you all over again. That's what these cold bastards do. Yes, I realize he has good qualities and that you still love him. I feel that way about my ex, but I also know he would just keep hurting me if I let him.

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[dream222]

I just feel really alone. I alienated everyone, friends and family, and focused on him because it felt so wonderful at the beginning and I was sure it was going to continue that way. Lesson learnt.

 

Sending him the angry email was the worst decision made to date about this relationship, sososadnow whatever you do do not write your ex one of these emails because YOU will be the one who feels terrible after. I wish I had some self-control at 1 am that night.