How can I talk to him about this??!

[jowelle]

Hi...I just recently found out that my bf is looking at porn stuff on his computer...something I found out totally by accident...anyways...I don't know how to tell him that I found out...I just know that I feel really hurt and I'm not sure what to do. I love him just as much and everything...I just want to know WHY? I'm confused...help! Thank you!

[MrsE4]

Does your bf go to strip clubs? Does he own videos/DVDs w/ erotic content? Does he get Maxim magazine? All of these things are levels of porn. While you're right that honesty is key in any relationship, keep in mind that this is just another way of seeing the same kind of stuff he can order on pay-per-view for 9.95. If you don't mind him going to the strip club, where he can talk to the naked women in person, or getting Maxim, where the girls are more provokative looking than anything "smutty" could give him, then keep this in perspective. Also, ask him flat out if he looks at web porn. If he lies to you, confront him DIPLOMATICLY (not an explosion) and say something like "well I was going through the History to find where I'd gone to link removed (or wherever you visit frequently) and I came accross some sites I want to ask you about." Don't freak out on him, that won't help anything. State your concerns, let him know how it makes you feel and go from there. It could be a chance for you to grow closer by looking at this stuff together, or you might get the chance to learn something important about each other that you didn't know before. Who knows.

[J_lus01]

I read your post & I relived my second marriage. I was married to someone who looked at porn on the internet. He had no problems with it but to me I felt betrayed. First as a women but then I always felt like he was comparing me to "those" women. I confronted him & although he said that he would not do it again after a month he was back at it again. To say the least I completely flipped out....ps I am a "VERY jealous" woman....so this didn't help at all. To make a long story short we are now divorced & I gotta tell you that I am glad to have that crap out of my life! I have two boys & would be mortified to have them come accross that nonsense! Confronting is difficult but if you feel that strongly about it then talk to him & if he cares for you- you guys will work through it together.

Good Luck