Boyfriend Withdrawn

[amyg091]

I am 20, my boyfriend is 21. WE've been together for 4 months. It's a serious relationship, regardless of length. We've said we love each other, we're monogamous, we've talked about living together in the future, and even talked about marriage sometime in the distant future. Things were going great, we had just taken a weekend away together, and it was just wonderful. A few days after we got back he told me that he felt like he was losing control, needed to get used to having to "check in" with someone. I told him I understood.

On top of that, he hasn't been working for a short while, he just had to put his dog of 14 years down, his best friends dad just found out he has lung cancer...it all comes at once! I understand that he is frustrated and feeling vulnerable. PLUS he was engaged once before, a few years ago, but his ex fiance cheated on him while he was away in the navy. So...some trust issues. I had the same. My first serious relationship ended the same way. This past weekend, I went out to see him and he had said he wanted to see me the next day. Then later that night he texted me saying he was worried I may be talking to other boys at school or something. I told him how much I loved him and he responded with "I don't know what to think sweetie." Then I didn't hear from him for a day and a half. And when he did text me it was just a "hey babe whatcha up to" text. Then nothing again for a day.

So...everyone I talk to says he needs some space to figure out his feelings, and time to miss me I suppose. So, Do I not text him? Is that giving him space or is that being uncaring? It's such a ifne line. I guess does anyone have experience with this? Any promising endings? I know he loves me. I want him to know that I am here for him and that I'm not going anywhere. I know how loving and caring he is, and how he can take care of me. He's done this since the day I met him. It's just lately he's been in this funk. I guess I could use some general advice. Is not texting him the right response?

[Miss Kitty]

Sounds like he's got a lot to be depressed about. Just let him have his space and tell him that you're there for him.

[catcountry]

I want him to know that I am here for him and that I'm not going anywhere.

 

In my experience....let him know just this and that you will give him time and to contact you when/if he needs you....you will be there. After that let it be. When/if he comes back to you, take things slowly. However...don't hold on to him forever, you know. Decide a reasonable amount of time (what you are willing to wait) and if you don't hear from him in that time.....move on. Good luck. I know how difficult it is to see a loved one going through tough times.

[amyg091]

Thank you for your advice. You know, I really do love him. I've never felt this way about anyone. He said the same. He's been there for me. He's loved me. He's always been a very direct person so this is unlike him. Do you think there's hope?

[jpeter84]

I know with what you've just said about him and the commitment you've expressed, I like to think it will definitely work out.

 

It makes me very happy to see other people express such feelings like you did (I'm in the same boat with that stuff).

 

It's just so nice. ^__^

[amyg091]

Thanks for the advice and support. He has sent me a couple texts here and there. He'll send me random, very sweet texts. "baby be careful driving, there's a storm out there." stuff like that. but i've stopped texting him unless he texts me first. it's very frustrating but I do love him. I can work through this with him.

[MyGirlsZoo]

amyg091 - I'm going through a very similar thing with my bf right now - LDR however - I wanted to see how things worked out for you and your bf. Being patient and giving someone space (and not knowing exactly what that means to each individual person) is soooo hard to do! My bf has been depressed and withdrawn since December - I believe the holiday blues, then January comes - which isn't to exciting of a month either. I know work has been extremely stressful right now for him, his mom has Parkinsons and just fell and hurt herself in the shower, his cell phone died (only phone other than work - and needs to be replaced but he hasn't had a spare moment). I'm being patient, giving him his space, trying my hardest not to email or call him at work - or text when he did/will have his phone. The waiting is the hardest and the fear of the unknown. Since you have been through something like this - I'd love to know any other advise you have gleaned from your experience and how your relationship is now. Any advise is appreciated.