missives from the 24 hour library...

[jonr87]

Good morning everyone (it’s very late here). Got a minute? I’d really appreciate some input here...

 

We broke up 5 months ago, had been together 7 months. We were at college together about to graduate. She ended it as could sense we were pulling in different directions, which in fairness we were. In reflection now, we had heaped undue pressure on the relationship by committing to living together after our respective housing contracts ran out, bearing in mind this was 4 months down the line from that point into what was only a 7 month relationship. cracks started to appear more as a result of being bound to this city for another 12 months than anything else. Following the split we were LC for about 3 weeks in which I was unfortunately pretty defensive and ‘beta male’. Then, no contact. I was hurting like never before, but at this point however I wanted to concentrate on college work and the end of my masters.

 

College ended in June for her so she moved home. Before her departure she came around to return some stuff and we had a brief, teary goodbye. I stayed in the city working on my thesis over the summer. I’m still here now spending my nights in the 24 hour study centre (and nearly finished this 200 page * * * * * We didn’t speak for about 3 months, other than that 'goodbye'. I missed her to death but figured we should both move on…lost a fair degree of my confidence so did the ‘working on myself’ thing. As much as I hated it, I honestly accepted that was it done with.

 

Then, towards the end of July she initiates contact out of the blue one night in a text. Eventually, we end up chatting for a while on the phone; things are cool and light. There were no bad circumstances to our split other than me acting defensive and pretty insecure (not to an embarrassing extent though).

 

After this agreeable conversation, she calls again about a month later and we chat more. She asks how my work is, in which she has always had an interest, and at the end of the conversation invites me up to stay with her for a few days. I don’t refuse the idea, leave it open, but I am kind of cautious to getting hurt again. 2 weeks later she rings once more and we chat normally again, this time she is more firm with her offer…I accept…we discuss beforehand the unlikelihood of ever being able to view each other as ‘only friends’. She lives 400 miles away though, so we agree out of ‘pragmatism’ it probably wouldn’t work for now, so it’s viewed as a one off kind of thing.

 

The chemistry is immediate on arrival, but I make sure we don’t merely slip back into how it used to be. We do however end up sleeping together that night, and throughout the next day. All is generally great, but once or twice the old defensive me rears his head and we are flung back to the aftermath of the breakup. Doh. We go out for some dinner and a nice walk in the country and everything is fine, quickly returning to light and chilled. We are intimate again, and leave it on a good note. It’s a roller coaster of a weekend. We discuss at times if we can keep doing this every now and then, which ultimately goes unanswered, play it as it comes.

 

She studies the same discipline as I, and is interested in my thesis so when I return home she keeps up contact, essentially badgering me to send her copies of my work to proof read. 2 weeks have passed since my visit to see her. I estimate she spends 2-3 hours a day looking over and checking my work, and then we chat for an hour or two on the phone about the ‘work’ afterwards in the evening; this usually involves subtle flirting and being how we used to be apart from the ‘lovey dovey’ stuff. Its really great, I appreciate what she is doing and it is certainly helping with the quality of my work.

 

I’m really happy we are back in each other’s lives. We get on very well, it just sucks (in the respect of relationship) that we now live far apart. Bottom line is, I know what I want and I want her back… this is probably idealistic though; I understand it is a logistical mess and that she might not even be in that place. Also we’re both about to start new chapters in our respective lives. I would move to be with her, but practically it would put too much strain on a relationship which is by no means off the ground running again. I do miss her.

 

Advice for taking this forward anyone? I want to see her, considering inviting her down before I leave the city but don’t want to push it… do conditions seem well suited for some kind of reconciliation? Thank you

[furiouspsych]

Can you summarize this? That is why you cannot get replies. I think I get the gist of it, and I say...what've you got to lose? Like really?

[chitown9]

I think that it would be a shame if the two of you cannot have a relationship due to logistics. Sometimes it is necessary to be in a long distance relationship for a time. I know my husband and I did that for a while. Why don't you make it work! Haven't you noticed that most things in life never come easily...

[jonr87]

Can you summarize this? That is why you cannot get replies. I think I get the gist of it, and I say...what've you got to lose? Like really?

 

Apologies...I've tried to be concise but put in sufficient detail so people know the context. Posts are often criticised for not having enough depth. You're right, at the moment I am over thinking whether I should be doing one thing or another as worried about pushing her away again...really I should just be natural and play it by ear