Please help any one. I really need help.

[obonilla30]

I am desperately screaming for help and or a direction on where to turn. I met my wife despite that not legally married but I call her my wife, do to the fact that I dont believe in marriage. We have been together for 8 years with the up and downs as I would say as a normal relationship but lately for the past 1.5 years my life has turn in to a living hell. I really love the woman I am with. "wife" girlfriend" you name it but I truly believe she is the love of my life. I met this individual when I least expected it to find someone that would make me feel the way that I have been feeling for the past 8 years. She had a past with psycological damage from a previous marriage and a child as a result of the previous relationship. I did not cared. Infact I loved the idea that she had this child, partly thinking that she had already and experience and that she knew about not beign a child her self. I was 22 and she was 23. Unfortunately during the first 5 years of our relationship we had a break up and I left the home with someone else. This new relationship was not because of sex or anything todo in that manner but mostly because I felt appreciated and understood. I was given the respect that any human beign wants and I thought I was happy but I kept thinking about the person I left behind. To make the story short I left the other person harming an individual that never did any harm to me and coming back home after six months. when I came home after a month I was told by the person I came home too. I dont love you, I just wanted to separate you. That was a cold bucket of water throwned at me. Well that was not the only words told to me but revanged has been taken against me. I understand I am not perfect, I consider my self less way than that, however any harm I caused her was not intentionally as she has done to me. I have a child of my own which is a very bright little boy, I am been disrespected all the time. I am also been ingnored and treated as her worst enemy. I have tried to take her to counseling but she refuses to go. She has told me that she does not love me but I have stayed and not left becuase of my son. I have been told that I am doing so much harm to my son for staying but I also understand that his mother needs psycological help which refuses to take. we sleep in separate rooms, barely cross words and honestly I think I am going crazy. I feel defeated. I understand that I should take off but I think of my son. Please help. There is so much but i am afraid I would never end. Help please. please help me understand and move on or I am afraid that I will not be here to continue my story. I am not exagerrating. please help. I love this person but she treats me like garbage. I have allowed my self to be in the gutter. From beign a top executive in commercial banking to now been nothing. Help anyone.

[LaKings55]

Seek professional help, relationship counseling, anything. Also check out the journey from abandonment to healing by Susan Anderson. You sound like a very disrespected and under appreciated man, and I know the feeling. Respect yourself first, and walk away with your son, and your dignity. To be fair, you did hurt her first, but she just seems so vengeful, and full of anger. Let her be your past dude, not your future.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sounds to me like she was very very hurt by you running off with another woman. I can't say that I blame her. In a lot of cases of cheating, the one who was cheated on has a very hard time letting go of the betrayal. From your post, it doesn't seem like you have any clear understanding of the amount of damage your betrayal has done to her. Perhaps counselling might help both of you. She should not treat you like garbage..if she can't let go of your betrayal then it is best for her to end the relationship, not stay in it and act out. However, you also need to learn lessons from this...if you cheat on your partner and abandon them for someone else, don't expect that things will ever be the same if you change your mind and want to go back. The damage is done.

[obonilla30]

Seek professional help, relationship counseling, anything. Also check out the journey from abandonment to healing by Susan Anderson. You sound like a very disrespected and under appreciated man, and I know the feeling. Respect yourself first, and walk away with your son, and your dignity. To be fair, you did hurt her first, but she just seems so vengeful, and full of anger. Let her be your past dude, not your future.

 

Good Morning LaKings55,

 

Thank you for providing me with your advice and reference to the book. I will check that out. I also omited to mentioned that on her previous marriage she was betrade by her husband and to make it worst as a result a child was born from that relationship he had. When I left I did tell her that I was leaving and that I would be financially responsible for her and my child. After I left is when I met the person that I had the relationship with. She found out and started given me interest and trying to catch my attention. All was done as I mentioned in my initial thread to separate me. Once I went back 1 month it was good and then it was all chaos. I used to travel alot due to my job and had countless opportunities to have cheated on her yet I always did and I was interested on anyone else. I would say that she pushed me away with her attitude the yelling, the vowl language which is also something that I do not practice. You are absolutely correct when you mentioned that I have been very disrespected. Thank you once again for your advice. Her revenge has seems to have no limits. I have showned her that we are not going to achieve anything if the issue continues but she lacks interest in anything I have to say. You are absolutely right. Need to get away with what ever little dignity I have left.

[obonilla30]

Dear Crazyaboutdogs,

 

Thank you for your honest advice but I wanted to included a few details regarding this person who no matter what I seem not to ever satisfy or to make her happy despite of any efforts I make. I went to a very good psycologist and was ready to move on. She as always refused to go with me to the counseling, however when she notice that I was ready to move on she once again started to be sweet and attentive. after a little while the effort she made to be sweet and attentitive she came down with so much vengence once she was sure that I had once again like an idiot had fallen for her again. Destroying everything I had built in a short time I would say that I have always provided her with a very confortable life. I am only 30 years old and feel already some bitterness in my heart. I have given this woman so much that many women have dreamed of having to simply end up not at square one but 10 steps behind from where I started. Again I really love her and she knows it. Yet perhaps for this reason she treats me the way she does. Example yesterday I cooked dinner, arranged the table and set the dinner on our patio. It was most unpleasant. I was ingnored during dinner, the conversation on the table was between my son and her daughter and I was not even given eye contact. Sat there she got up and left with out even saying a thank you. That is an example that I live with everyday. Now what really makes me upset is that her previous husband did in-fact cheated on her and had a child with someone else. This person would even be physical with her and yet she wanted him back. I ask my self what does she wants. She wants that type of life? well I am not that type of man that will hurt a woman physically, as I mentioned before If i did hurt her was not intentionally. I have her daughter since she was 2 years old. The biological father was not always present financially or physically which both I was happy becuase I did not required his help and or presence. After 3 years the guys shows up and she is like nothing giving all rights and I was left on the side with no saying at all. The child now is 11 years of age and the father sometimes calls her every 6 months. To make the story short it has been a very long time which I have been responsible for this child and yet I have not been given any authority, the times I have tried to be a father figure to this child it has resulted into very destructive arguments. I don't understand her and I know I need to walk away but it seems very difficult for me to do that becuase I have always said to my self that she is not mentally stable and if she is not then my children will not be either. She will not allow me to take my child which is something that I am trying to figure out. Please help.

[obonilla30]

Wow Poppa, I read again and again the response you gave to the other member and the isssues presently and I am afraid that all the symptons you discussed are presently in my W at the strongest level of each stage. I will print that and leave it in a place where she can find it. I know it will not do anything possitive for she is so negative and rejects anything related to me as you described my presense bothers her but also does not allow me to break free. I assured you that I will in less than a months time and will report back to you everyday. As far as I know I am her enemy for trying to help her. My psycologist told me "Stop beign the HERO trying to save her or other people, because when you need the saving no one will save you" DR. Karina in Chicago IL. This is when I was ready to go and she notice and came back to manipulate me again...