broke up with me, but keeps calling everyday

[camelndump]

my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me about 2 months ago and said she needed space and wanted to be single, but my problem is that i have told her how much she means to me and how badly i want to get back together and she has told me repeatedly that she can see us back together and still loves me, but a few times i have felt so terrible that i have told her not to call me anymore, but she still calls the next day, i would say that we spend about 2 hours per day on the phone and probably 5 nights a week on the phone real late saying goodnight. My question is, if she is still calling does that not mean she knows i am the one for her, what should i do or say on the phone to help my cause so we can be happy together again and continue our lives together?

[juno]

what does she want to be single? were there any signs of problems between u both?... A break-up is something horrible to do to a person.. she may feel guilty but that doesnt mean she wants to get together. Be careful and look for real sings... ask her if she wants u back if not then she just feels bad over the break-up. Dont cheat yourself thinking different things... or you could end up real hurt... luck

[Chris K]

The first thing that I want to say is that every situation is different and I dont want to get your hopes up to be let down one more time. However, I believe from what you have posted that I may be able to relate to your ex-girlfriends situation.

Truth be told she may just be worried about losing a friend in whom she trusts so much of herself when that is all she wants.

The other possibility is that after such a long relationship she is unsure if she still feels the same, so she wants to explore. She wants to kind of keep you on a back burner so to speak... this is how i felt throughout a five year relationship that ended w my ex girlfriend 8 months ago. Now, unfortunately, we cant get back together and its my fault (A long story why). However, I think the biggest downfall was that i didnt think i could ever lose her. Now I would marry her if we could get back together. The point is she may think she can always have you yet still look over her shoulder...

My advice would be to tell her if you are breaking up than you need to be apart for a while... force her to leave you alone for a while... a couple months even. This will give both of you time to think without eachother there to provide influence. Keep yourself busy during this time period so you are not depressed and resist the urge to contact her and if she contacts you just say you are not ready to talk yet. (THIS TAKES A LOT OF WILLPOWER).

The end result is after a couple months you will both better know how you feel. Now when you talk to her if she really loves you she will be more than ever ready to get back together... the downfall is that she may realize its really over... truth is if it is over than it would have endded anyway... maybe later, but it would hurt that much more.

 

All I can say that I was in your ex-Gf's position and after a couple months apart I was begging my Ex to take me back... Too bad for me we had other complications in between.

Wether or not you want to try this plan out is your decision, you know your situation better than some stranger on the internet.

So hope for the best, but be more than prepared for the worst.

 

Good Luck

[caliboy]

I'm at a point in my relationship with my ex, similar to camelndump's, and I know that time is the answer. But before we go on a strcit time apart from talking, I want to make sure she knows I care very much about her and our relationship. I don't want to take a break, and then have her think 'well, he didn't want to talk for awhile and hasn't called me, so I'll just move on'.

 

On a side note... there was a point in our relationship where I didn't call her for a week, and then she called me and told me she missed me; something she hadn't said since we were together. Is this an indication of anything?

 

Does anyone have an experience using Chris K's "be separated for while" theory?

 

camelndump, do you have an update with what's been going on with you?

[dave_1966]

Hi Caliboy, hi from London Uk! The situation you are in is similar to the situation I've been in.

 

You need to think very carefully about these calls. I too was with my ex for 3 years before she asked for a break 5 months ago. Even though she's finished with you, it's probably quite hard for her. However, the calls don't necessarily mean she wants to get back with you. You are possibly unknowingly helping her gently wean herself off the support she's no doubt had off you in the past. I did not call my ex at all from about a month after she broke it off, but have put up with late night emotional calls from her ever since. For a while in February the calls mysteriously stopped for a while, and I was later told by her she'd been sleeping with a guy she'd met in the bar where she works. After she finished with him the calls started up again. Don't put yourself through hell for her, I think it's too easy for my ex to lean over and pick up a phone when she's down or feeling sorry for herself. My advice to you would be to tell her that actions speak louder than words, and if she's got anything to say to you then it should be said to your face. It doesn't matter if she's miles away, she knows how to get to you. If she's not willing to meet up and talk, then the phone calls are just selfish and aimed at making herself feel better about finishing with you. If she won't see you face to face, then arrange for the telephone company to block all her numbers, that's what I did. She'll think more carefully about what she has to say to you if she has to leave her house and use a payphone a few blocks away. These calls must take you back to square one all the time, and won't allow you to move on and meet someone else. Start thinking about your own health, and not someone who's possibly keeping you on the backburner until someone else comes along....or even worse, keeping you lined up so she's got someone to fall back on when any new relationship falls apart. Be strong, and think about No1....she may even respect you for it.

 

All the best!

[Lostaznguy]

Girls are soo confusing in relationships....