Obligation - What's supposed to be romantic about it exactly?

[Sim54]

My ex told me during an argument that led to one of our breakups, that she wanted to express her love for me, and hear me express mine to her everyday, and to make love everyday. We weren't living together at the time, and i held a full time job whilst she was unemployed, we saw each other 3 times a week, including every weekend. She said I only wanted to say I love you on 'special occasions'. Well, no, I just wanted to say 'I love you' when I felt it, not out of duty. She kind of shot her self in the foot really.

 

Miss Firecracker, I could tell straight away that you'd like that site. Some of it is hilarious!

 

Growing thinks it will take more than romance to keep a relationship going for 20 years? Well, yeah, it will. It will take bloody hard work, communication, forgiveness, love, patience, a sense of humour, and also NOT gripping onto your SO like a 4 year old.

[waterlilly]

I have been thinking alot about this topic. At what point are my expectations healthy or not? and what are the time frames that are healthy? I have a new relationship, but we have only been dating for less than 2 months, so that would not be the same as at 6 months or 2 years, etc.

[Chromerust]

From the book The Mastery of Love. There would be so much less suffering if we all lived by the words in it. Should be called the mastery of life.

 

To master a relationship is all about you. The first step is to become aware, to know that everyone dreams his own dream. Once you know this, you can be responsible for your half of the relationship, which is you. If you know that you are only responsible for half of the relationship, you can easily control your half. It is not up to us to control the other half. If we respect, we know that our partner, or friend, or son, or mother, is completely responsible for his or her own half. If we respect the other half, there is always going to be peace in that relationship. There is no war.

 

Love is always kind. Fear is always unkind. With fear we are full of obligations, full of expectations, with no respect, avoiding responsibility, and feeling sorry. How can we feel good when we are suffering from so much fear? We feel victimized by everything; we feel angry or sad or jealous or betrayed.

 

Anger is nothing but fear with a mask. Sadness is fear with a mask. Jealousy is fear with a mask. With all those emotions that come from fear and create suffering, we can only pretend to be kind. We are not kind because we don’t feel good, we are not happy. If you are in the track of love, you have no obligations, no expectations. You don’t feel sorry for yourself or for your partner. Everything is going well for you, and that is why that smile is always on your face. You are feeling good about yourself, and because you are happy, you are kind. Love is always kind, and that kindness makes you generous and opens all the doors. Love is generous. Fear is selfish; it is only about me. Selfishness closes all the doors.

 

Love is unconditional. Fear is full of conditions. In the track of fear, I love you if you let me control you, if you are good to me, if you fit into the image I make for you. I create an image of the way you should be, and because you are not and never will be the image, I judge you because of that, and find you guilty. Many times I even feel ashamed of you because you are not what I want you to be. If you don’t fit that image I create, you embarrass me, you annoy me, I have no patience at all with you. I am just pretending kindness. In the track of love, there is no if; there are no conditions. I love you for no reason, with no justification. I love you the way you are, and you are free to be the way you are. We don’t have the right to change anyone else, and no one else has the right to change us. If we are going to change, it is because we want to change, because we don’t want to suffer any longer.