Emotionaly Immature

[Flyingpiglet]

Hi all,

 

I’m at work at the moment, but have spent the last 4 hours writing about myself (We’re not very busy today lol), I’m trying to map my life out to find out why I am so emotionally immature.

 

I fall into short relationships and fall really fast and hard. Then when they end, I go into a whirlwind downward spiral. I cry uncontrollably (often at work which is embarrassing for everybody), get depressed and anxious about everyday life and, though I know I would never actively harm myself, I wish bad things would happen to me. (Which I know is really really selfish and immature) I have had 3 consecutive years single so its not like I jump from one relationship to another.

 

Is it possible that there are things in my past that have shape my emotional self in a negative way? I know this is hard to answer without knowing my past.

For now I’ll just say, I have never been abused as far as I’m aware but was a very insecure child and have had a lot of negative experiences, bullying is probably the best way to describe them, in my teens to mid 20’s and then a fair few disastrous (and mostly very short) relationships to date.

 

I’m trying to make sense as I feel I need to grow up now if I am ever going to achieve the sort of relationship I want to enjoy!

 

Thought anybody?

 

x x

[myhonestanswer]

"Is it possible that there are things in my past that have shape my emotional self in a negative way?"

 

Of course, everything that happens to us shapes us a little bit. It sounds to me like you are insecure and worried about what people think of you and whether they like you. So everytime a relationship fails, instead of thinking, 'oh that wasn't meant to be', you think 'what's wrong with me, what did I do'. When in reality it's nothing YOU did, it's just the fact you're not a good match for each other.

 

If you think your past is affecting your ability to live a happy present and future, I would try counselling. If those feelings of inadequancy go really deep, it's hard to sort them out on your own.

[Flyingpiglet]

I don't see myself as insecure so much like that these days, though I'm not saying I'm not lol, but certainly in my past I have been. I used to spend my entire life trying to be what I thought other people wanted me to be (and for obvious reasons, always failing)! I would love to know how my past has shaped me into the emotionally unbalanced person I perceive myself to be today

 

As for couselling, I sometimes think I would benefit but I'm never sure enough to pursue it as a viable option. I couldn't afford to go private anyway and couldn't bring myself to ask for. Would love to be hypnotised to see whats lurking in my sub conscious mind

 

I have posted in 'solo journals' my life so far (the bad bits)

 

Its a bit long and probably doesn'tmake very interesting reading but if ever you got an hour or so to spare....

 

x x