plucky Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I know Im dead wrong on this...but here's the situation. I met this nice guy in his mid 30's who had first told me was not dating anyone........so we went out a couple of times.....During those times we went out...it was accidently revealed to me that he was living with a live-in girlfriend.... Yes. I continued to communicate with this man .......So one night decided to invite him back to the crib while the girlfriend is out of town on business.....Yes...I know...dead wrong of me....to have sex....but it would be friends w/ benefits type situation.....but he declines.....Not really sure what to make of his decline, since he had dropping hints about getting together....Can someone elaborate on this situation?..Yes I know I put myself out there....but was thinking the feeling was mutual....Pls. advise? Link to comment
RedDress Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 To me, it's one of two things: 1) He suddenly had a conscience and realized that it was wrong OR 2) He never intended to take it to that level (even though he was hinting that he wanted to) - he's just looking for that extra attention and admiration. I've known a few people like that. They don't physically cheat but they crave and need that special attention from multiple people in order to feel good about themselves. So... are you going to keep dating him? You know it's heading in a bad direction, right? I'd count it as a blessing and move on... Link to comment
plucky Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 the night it happened.......he kissed me at dinner....and said how much he liked me.......As we were leaving the restaurant...he said he needed to stop by his home to do something to his dogs............what I find even more bizarre is that when he got home he decided not to come over...he couldnt even pickup the phone and tell me....he had to text it to me...... Link to comment
plucky Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 Finally I got an explanation..... I told him that I thought we were going to hang out...but it seemed he had other plans and that if he was seeing someone else thats fine...it's his business.....but in the process he made me look like BOO-BOO the fool.....because I had put my feelings out there....He said that when he got home that he was tired and didnt want to chance driving over to my house..(DWI or something like that)...which I totally understand..but not really... He says that he's sorry that I felt "put out"He also said that since that night was bugging me so and since I felt the need to bring it up...he feels that we should just be friends.....I concurred with him......We will continue to be friends.....But must say as much as I want to believe him....just can't...I go with my gut on a lot of situations....and his explanation just doesnt sound right to me. Link to comment
sidehop Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 This isn't going to end well either way. All this question just leads me to believe you're wanting to have something more with this man even though you say it's FWB situation but if you have any feelings for him, you'll end up getting hurt. I would honestly just let him go. Link to comment
Janeiac Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 He lives with his girlfriend, and you need advice on what to do? Ok, here it is. Drop him. Delete all his contact information and never contact him again. Forget him and move on. Link to comment
plucky Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 I get that...but I guess Im more hurt...because I thought that night that feelings were mutual which he was leading me to believe...and then for him to decline.....Kind of hurts.... I guess... Link to comment
plucky Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 He lives with his girlfriend, and you need advice on what to do? Ok, here it is. Drop him. Delete all his contact information and never contact him again. Forget him and move on. Yes...I plan on cutting him loose.....but still hurts all the same....Just dont get his intentions.......I mean why do that....I really felt like a 1st class fool that night..but he's sorry that I felt put out......Obviously..he didnt get it. Link to comment
plucky Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 One word...KARMA I know.... I said i was dead wrong.... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 It wasn't a friend with benefits - he wasn't your close friend -you barely knew him except you knew he was in a committed relationship. So, you invited him over to have intercourse with you and he didn't feel like having sex with you or perhaps he was concerned about the consequences -his girlfriend finding out, you getting pregnant, the STD risks, who knows. He doesn't owe you an explanation- just assume he is not interested in having sex with you. Link to comment
plucky Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 It wasn't a friend with benefits - he wasn't your close friend -you barely knew him except you knew he was in a committed relationship. So, you invited him over to have intercourse with you and he didn't feel like having sex with you or perhaps he was concerned about the consequences -his girlfriend finding out, you getting pregnant, the STD risks, who knows. He doesn't owe you an explanation- just assume he is not interested in having sex with you. Appreciate the directness and honesty....but he said he was fine with being Friends w/benefits....thats why i thought feeling was mutual....and you are right....he doesnt owe me anything....but I feel almost "clowned" over the situation. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Hi Plucky, what stands out to me is your KNEW what your were getting into. You knew he had a GF and are now hurt that he won't have sex with you? He didn't clown you, you let yourself be clowned. Take this as a lesson you can carry with you for the rest of your life. Link to comment
Janeiac Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Consider that you got lucky--you avoided getting involved with a guy who would be cheating on his girlfriend. Consider that he decided to do the right thing and not cheat, even though he was evidently attracted to you. Realize that this is the best possible outcome for all concerned, including his girlfriend, stop worrying about his motives, and put it all behind you. You are now free to find a single, available man who isn't cheating on someone else and who treats you well. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Appreciate the directness and honesty....but he said he was fine with being Friends w/benefits....thats why i thought feeling was mutual....and you are right....he doesnt owe me anything....but I feel almost "clowned" over the situation. My point is that label makes no sense -you're not close friends with him -after all you don't even know his serious girlfriend! - and he was simply using a euphemism for "I am fine with having sex with you on the side". You took a risk by asking a person in a committed relationship to have sex with you -at the time he brought this up he was horny and wanted to have sex with you but then he changed his mind. That's fairly typical. Link to comment
plucky Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 Any grand ideas on how to get through without texting him.....Having hard time.....Trust me not going to text him...but just having hard time. Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 def seems like you wanted more than friends with benefits Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Any grand ideas on how to get through without texting him.....Having hard time.....Trust me not going to text him...but just having hard time. Keep telling yourself that this is a waste of time and effort, he has a girlfriend, and make the cold hard choice to put this behind you. It may come in handy to take this lesson along with you in the future. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Any grand ideas on how to get through without texting him.....Having hard time.....Trust me not going to text him...but just having hard time. It's often hard in this type of situation. You just need distraction and to remind yourself that having sex with someone in a committed relationship isn't worth the momentary thrill. Link to comment
Janeiac Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Any grand ideas on how to get through without texting him.....Having hard time.....Trust me not going to text him...but just having hard time. How to get through without texting him: Don't text. Don't call. Don't email. Ignore any and all communications from him. Delete all contact information for him. Don't save anything, get rid of all of it. Block him on Facebook and the like. He will get the message. Really. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.