He keeps getting back into contact with me

[Loriana]

I'm going to try and make this as brief as I possibly can even though there is alot to the story so bare with me guys!. February last year I met this 23 year old guy on this online dating site, we exchanged numbers and became really good friends, we texted every day just talking about anything and everything and basically we developed strong feelings for one another. We had so much in common it was crazy and I just fell for him and the best part was that he only lived an hour or so away from me. Eventually we began talking on the phone and then those phone conversations would turn into five hour phone conversations, it was just mad how well we both got along. One thing he always told me was that there was no rush to meet and that I should meet him when I'm a 100% ready and I liked that, I liked the fact that he wanted to take things slow.

 

So a few months passed and we were still talking every day and then suddenly one day he said he felt like I wasn't letting him in all the way, he said that he would always be the one that had to initiate the contact and he said its fair if I were to text him first sometimes because that is showing I care. I agreed with him that I do find it hard to let people in so I started to text him first and everything was fine. I started to become suspicious when I saw that he had a hundred girls as friends on his MSN profile page and so I confronted him about that to which he replied with they were just friends. Then he didn't talk to me as much, like I would text him and he would just never reply, so we argued about that. Eventually we grew apart and stopped talking. So the beginning of this year he contacted me on Facebook just as I was starting to get over him. He said he missed talking to me and he didn't like it when we fought and stuff so I decided to talk to him again. Then one day I went on Facebook and he had changed his relationship status to "In a relationship"...that just completely crushed me, I was so upset. He told me he wasn't sure if I would ever meet him (by this point it had been almost a year) he thought that all we would ever do is talk on the phone and text so he met this other girl and now he was dating her.

 

Eventually I learnt to accept that I waited a bit too long to meet him and that he obviously wanted to be in a relationship. So we remained friends, on the day of my 18th birthday he texted me and said he was really worried because his girfriend had told him she was late...he told me they had done it twice without using any protection. In the end she was pregnant and he was leaning on me because he was scared he said he didn't wanna be a dad. He told me he would stand by her whatever he choice was but he thought it would be best if she aborted it as she was only 16. So after that they argued alot and so one day he texted me and told me that if he could go back in time he would, because he regretted not meeting me and he said that he liked me more over his own girlfriend. He stupidly left the text on his phone and his girlfriend saw it and went mad. So he calls me and is like, if my girlfriend texts you say we're just friends and that it didn't mean anyrhing. So by this point I'm just like what the * * * * ?. In the end I tell her that we're just friends because I wanted to avoid an argument with her. Then she tells me that he told her he wanted babies with her when he told me the opposite.

 

Every time they had an argument he would text me saying he still has feelings for me and he gave me hope that maybe he would break up with her but he never did. He did this more than once and in the end I had enough of him and his bull * * * * so I made the stupid mistake of telling his girlfriend everything when I didn't have any evidence. She actually believed me until he convinced her that I was lying and trying to break them up. So I basically told him that I had had enough of him playing with my emotions and now he was trying to make out that I was a liar?. I told him to * * * * off out of my life and never contact me again.

 

I miss how things used to be, I miss the long phone conversations, I miss everything. Then all that * * * * happened and it made me see his true colours and I know I'm better of without him. But it just hurts when I think of how things used to be. It hurts that I have never gotten along with anyone that well in my whole life. Sometimes I think its my fault and that I should have just met him that way I wouldn't be in this mess.

 

He emailed me a week ago and asked me if I was ok, I don't know why he keeps getting back into contact with me when I tell him its better if we don't talk. I am so confused I don't know what to do for the best. Please help, I just want all this to be over.

[einsteinette23]

Well, it sounds like he ONLY comes to you whenever he needs you. In other words, when things go wrong for him. I mean, you've established that yourself, right?

 

Every time they had an argument he would text me saying he still has feelings for me

 

If every time something went wrong for us and we could turn to something we usually try to avoid, we'd all be happy. Because the 'thing' we turn towards is usually 'happy' to let us do so because, you're the type of person who finds it difficult to say no. Well, that's what it sounds like. You need to tell him 'NO! Enough is enough.' Because really, it's just hurting yourself. And he doesn't really care. A 23yr old with a 16 yr old seems a little dogey anyway. But all judgements aside, protect yourself and your feelings. If you want to truly move on, accept he only turns to you in the time of need and he doesn't truly care the way you wish he would.

[ToF]

He does not have feelings for you. This guy got himself into a stressful situation, and so far you have always been his go-to girl for comfort and an ego boost. He may have liked you at first, but as you already saw, he had (literally) a hundred other girls lined up in case you didn't turn out as he planned.

 

Truly, the only way to end this, is to sever all contact with him. Don't tell him, as you've already done that. Just stop responding to anything he sends. Better yet, either block him from FB, email, etc ... or delete everything he sends without reading it.

 

If you're honestly committed to ending this, then do it. It's your choice at this point.

[ChicoShadow]

He sounds like a sick bastard who gets a kick off of stringing young girls along and making them feel like crap. First off, he is 23 so him having a sexual relationship with a 16 year old was illegal. You have never met him and you say that all this showed you his true colors. There is no telling what other crazy things he may be hiding. You meeting him would not have changed anything. You should consider yourself blessed that he moved on, otherwise, it would be you that was pregnant and he would be emotionally cheating on you with someone else like he's doing to this poor girl he's with right now. Trust me, this guy will not be the only person that you will meet in your life that will understand you and talk on the phone with you for hours. It feels amazing the first time you meet someone like that until you meet someone else and realize that it is just as, if not more amazing. Move on. He is not worth your time.

[Loriana]

I know right, Even I told him that is * * * * ed up dating a 16 year old but then he was like "Who are you to judge me?". I do feel lucky that it wasn't me who ended up pregnant, I just feel sorry for his poor girlfriend, but she'll soon see his true colours just like I did. I had doubts, but you are so right and now I know I have to move on, otherwise all he'll ever do is use me and I deserve more than that. Thanks for the advice

[Loriana]

He does not have feelings for you. This guy got himself into a stressful situation, and so far you have always been his go-to girl for comfort and an ego boost. He may have liked you at first, but as you already saw, he had (literally) a hundred other girls lined up in case you didn't turn out as he planned.

 

Truly, the only way to end this, is to sever all contact with him. Don't tell him, as you've already done that. Just stop responding to anything he sends. Better yet, either block him from FB, email, etc ... or delete everything he sends without reading it.

 

If you're honestly committed to ending this, then do it. It's your choice at this point.

 

I guess I finally see now that all I'll ever be is his go to girl as you said so yourself. I have blocked him from FB and MSN and I have deleted his number, I did this all ages ago but I have MSN on my HTC phone and it hasn't updated that I had blocked him so I left myself signed on one night by accident and I woke up at 5 in the morning and he had sent me a message saying: Can I ask how are you, how have you been??". I sort of gave in and emailed him when I know I shouldn't have and its been a week now and I have heard nothing from him, thats the whole reason why I wrote this post. But now its more than clear to me he only wants me on his terms. If I keep giving into him then the whole situation will just keep going around in a circle, So I need to stand my grounds and just learn to say no.