Input?

[LaKings55]

Any thoughts, especially from women would be appreciated. Here's a quick story without going into all the details my ex and I went from having a pretty good valentine's day, to broken up the next week after a year together (plus about 6 months of close friendship) because she "didn't have time for a relationship." Then a friend told me she had started dating someone else about a month later, (they broke up after about a month from what I heard, though I asked to not be told about her life anyway. I have a hunch it was her abusive ex who moved to a different state, because I know they still had LC, but I digress. We've had complete NC for 5 months (since basically the day of the break-up) and yet does she own up to screwing me over? To lying to me? To trying to sabotage a job interview? Nope, no apology, no asking how my life is. All I did was raise valid issues. The last guy beat her and cheated on her. Yet I'm a bad guy? What I said is unforgivable? Good riddance I say. Sorry, the bitterness still bubbles up. All this is beside the point. I've done a little dating since then, but since I got laid off earlier this year and had to move back home(reduction in force...), it doesn't feel right. I'm 23, and I just feel like a loser trying to date while I live at home. Not that I'm complaining, but I don't know any girl who'd want to date a 23yo who lives at home. Of course, the rent in my area is insane (in the bad areas, you might find a studio for $900+ a month) but then again, my neighbor has three sons, who all have gfs, and who all live at home (I know the youngest is 26, and the others ones are both 30+) but that's just me. I love my folks, but I won't have a girl spend the night in their house. It's disrespectful. I know I can go get a hotel, or take a trip, but that just feels cheap to me and disrespectful to the girl. Better I just save my money, stay single, enjoy time with my friends, and let it be that. What do you think, especially the ladies? I'm in no hurry to be in another relationship, or to move out (since my college degree has proven worthless in this economy, I'm putting myself through a police academy soon while working my old, decent paying part-time job). But on the other hand, it seems like I'm wasting prime dating years (early 20's). I know women say that a man living with his parents isn't that big of a deal, but I just can't get over how I'll come accross.

[Ms Darcy]

I think it depends on age, place in life and culture. I wouldn't want to date a 23 year-old living at home, but I wouldn't want to date a 23 year-old. (I'm 30).

 

It sounds to me that being single for a while will do you some good. Let go of bitterness from ex. Save money. Go through academy. Get work. That will be good for you.

 

I have dated an unemployed guy before. The biggest problem was really him and his view of himself. Feeling like a "loser" as you put it. And then the need for constant reassurance and support. Exhausting.

[LaKings55]

Yeah, that's my logic too. I mean, I'm not unemployed, I actually make decent money, just not enough to live off of without cutting into my savings. I do feel fortunate for already having a sizable amount of money in my bank account, and I kept my apartment for about four more months after being laid off, but as I started cutting a little into my savings, I threw in the towel. I'm not cheap, and I do like to travel and enjoy myself, but I also like to keep my finances in line. I have no debt, I have a good savings, plus IRA's, CD's, and I'm even looking at investing options right now. I'm fortunate to be 23 and have those things. I know I wouldn't be looking for reassurance or financial support from any potential gf, but I also don't want to cover it up and come up with excuses as to why she can't come over. I do find it funny that in my age group, it's always ok for the girl to live at home, but guys are still expected to have their own place. Probably why most of them seem to go for older guys. Eh, c'est la vie. Like you said, I probably shouldn't be dating right now anyway. Plenty of time for that. Still, let's humor this thought. Where would you stand (if you're over 25, try to put yourself in 25yo and younger women's mindset) with dating a man who lives at home (ages 21-25 for the sake of this topic)

[Ms Darcy]

If you are daing girls around your age, I don't think living at home will be a problem.

[banal]

I have lots of friends who got married eventually, and they were dating while they lived at home in their early to mid-20s. I can think of three off the top of my head. I think that, if you present it well, then it won't matter all that much to many people your own age. You're responsible: saving money, going back to school. You know, if you cannot afford to live on your own, and you want to move out of your house, then you could get a roommate. It's what I had to do last year, when my hours got cut at work.

 

Now, yeah, if you want to date someone in her 30s, this may pose a problem.

[LaKings55]

See, that's what it feels like it should be. But where I live, So Cal, and I hate to generalize, but the majority of girls I meet actually ask this at some point. All of my friends who are married or in serious relationships live out of state now. I was the only one left out here after college who managed to get a job, move out, and actively date. All the other guys I know are either working part-time or going to school still. All the ones who have yet to find full-time jobs still live at home. None are seeing anyone, and it's not for lack of trying.The only ones I know of who have gfs are my neighbor's kids or some of the guys still in college. Maybe Cali girls are just that superficial. I've known several guys who have come here from other states and it seems like all they do is complain that a lot of these girls in our age range are air headed, superficial, and have unrealistic standards for men. IDK, I've found women to be just as receptive or cold here as they are back east, Europe, etc. But it does seem interesting that this seems to be a trend these days. One friend of mine was dumped when he had to move back home. Not sure if that was the specific reason, but the timing was incredible

[Ms Darcy]

I wouldn't call it superficial, just different. It's ok if a girl wants to date a guy who has his own place. It's more freedom for the relationship. I wouldn't put that label on it at all. Just a preference.

[LaKings55]

Just seems like a bigger deal out here in this day and age. Anymore it seems like guys in Cali wait until about 28 to actually date after college. In this economy though, it's taking till about that age just to find a decent job. LOL