my ex wants to catch up????

[fellowes7892000]

Hi guys,

here's a very quick version of what's going on:

I was going out with a girl for 2 yrs. We broke up about 3 months ago. We have tried to be friends, but it's more like me trying to get her back an her trying to be friends. We broke up because I took so long to say "I love you" that she had convinced herself that it would never happen and talked herself out of loving me. We tried (I tried, she never really did I feel) to work it out and she eventually kissed another guy and that's where it ended. I broke it off but she wanted to as well because she said she didn't love me any more. But soon after, I asked her back - I totally forgive her and still do totally love her. Since then she's maintained that it wouldn't work, and we should be friends.

Now she wants to catch up with me. We talk about once a week on the phone, and text each other during the week a couple of times usually. We haven't seen each other for 2 months.

She wants to catch up, and has texted a few times in the last couple of weeks asking if I want to catch up with her. I initially told her I was too busy, then the second time she asked I told her I'd love to but I'm not sure if I'm ready. She always apologises shortly after saying that she's sorry she is pushing me to catch up, it's just that she misses me. She once texted saying that she is sorry she's pushing, and that she is just being selfish.

 

I want to catch up, but I know it's going to hurt. I want her back, and I think she just wants to be friends. But what if I don't catch up with her?? I want to be there for her, and if it helps her feel better to have me for a friend then I'd do it, but I just know it's going to take me backwards.

Do you guys think I should meet up with her????

[mamamaria]

i feel like i say this so much on these posts but its proven to be so true. sometimes the best thing in relationships is to be selfish.i dont mean, i want this i want this blablabla. i mean dont do something you know will 'set you backward' for another person. this goes for a lot..if you do something you initially arent comfy with or dont want to do for another person then it shows and then it turns out to be the wrong choice by both people. you cant keep giving yourself to someone thats trying to move on. its gonna make you feel like crap in the end. i think, just so there are no regrets, you should tell her how you feel. that you love her and your sorry it took you so long to show it but your more then ready to now. get everything out and say this is why i cant be friends with you it wont be good for me. get her response then move on from there. and i mean move on!

write back and good luck

-marie

[fellowes7892000]

thanks for the advice.

she already knows plain and clear what my feelings are. I have told her that I love her and am ready to give myself 100% to her. I've told her how sorry I am for keeping her waiting. All of these things are well and truly out there. She knows I want to get back together, and she still is asking to see me, I think that if she can do this, then she's probably not spending enough time thinking about what it's like to be me. I think she feels like the craziness is over now and we can be friends. The problem is that the craziness is not over for me. I think if she contacts me and proposes a meet up, then that's what I'll say. I don't think I can meet with her despite every fibre of my being wanting me to.

 

thanks for the advice so far guys, it really makes all the difference when all you've got is manly friends who don't talk about this kind of stuff.

 

cheers

[fellowes7892000]

hey guys - here's an update:

 

she had been texting me for 2 weeks stating clearly that she wanted to meet up. the last time was on wednesday. now it's tuesday and i haven't heard from her at all?

Friday would have been our 2 yr anniversary, so i texted her and kind of thanked her for the great times - no reply.

on monday morning (after having not corresponded on the weekend for the 1st time since we broke up), i texted her saying have a great week, i hope the band is working out, have a good day at work - no reply

 

i can't really understand what's going on? she normally replies but now hasn't. last week she was saying she missed me and stuff, now she's not even replying my txt's. this is the longest i've been without her contacting me since we first got together. i don't know what's going on. i'm trying not to wait by the phone but every time it rings or i get a text, i'm shattered that it isn't her.

has she decided she's had enough?

am i the most pathetic guy in the world??

[royalwolf]

am i the most pathetic guy in the world??

 

Nope, you're just like me. Well, I guess that doesn't rule out pathetic, but...

 

I think the nail was hit squarely on the head with the fact that she's not spending enough time considering your feelings.

 

You need to find out once and for all what she's thinking so that you can move on. I did this, and it hurt more than any other part, but within four days now I have progressed more than I did in the first two months.

 

If she is interested in trying again, she WILL tell you. Making ultimatums sucks, but this is for your sanity. You can't live with being friends because you are in love with her; it's that simple. As "selfish" as it sounds, it has to be all or nothing, or else you will never be happy.

 

I think it's time to let go, though that will be the hardest thing you've done yet. But you will feel SO much better after you can face that. That's when the healing can start -- and the best part is, you've already adjusted to being on your own and won't have to spend your time grieveing and missing "your girl" at the same time.

 

Good luck. But you don't need luck, just time.

 

Tom

[fellowes7892000]

thanks for all your support guys and gals. i'm going to try not to contact her. i just can't halp but feel maybe she wants to be friends but knows i'm undecided, and since last time it pretty much took me to realise i was going to lose her to sort myself out, maybe she's trying to do that with this friends thing as well?? just a theory i came up with this morning after waking up shattered, then progressing to frustrated, then happy, then empowered, then sad, then shattered again , then.....

[Zipp]

It sounds like you are having a hard time just discussing seeing her, imagine what it would be like to see her. You probably need more time before you guys try to meet face to face. My ex wants to be friends, but I can't see that happening. We still care about each other and are physically affectionate when we're together. I love him and being friends does not compare to what we had, hard to accept but I have to let him go. Sometimes things just don't work out, no matter how much we may want them to. You need to look out for your own well being. Sadly sometimes the people we care about just don't think of our feelings as much as they do their own.

 

Keep us posted.

[fellowes7892000]

hey - here's the latest:

after 2 weeks of her texting me, and asking to catch up, now I haven't heard from her for almost a fortnight. I've texted her 3 times, not asking anything, just saying i hope she's having a good day etc, which she normally responds to, but for some reason she isn't even replying.

I can't understand how she's gone from wanting to catch up, to not even replying to my texts just like that???? I was starting to feel happy that maybe we can stay friends, but now she won't even text me. I don't know if she's waiting for me to ask her to catch up, or what?? I don't think so - there's no way I'd just ask her to catch up now because it seems like she totally wants nothing to do with me now.Maybe she's found someone new and wants to kill all contact??? She said just 2 weeks ago that she wasn't ready for someone new.

I'm at a loss as to what this girl wants, and it really hurts to be asked to catch up and stay friends and then all of a sudden now she won't even reply my txt's. aarrrgghhh

 

any ideas?????