Cheated and now i have no clue what to do besides tell her

[quazit]

hi i dont want any symapthy in fact it might make me feela bit better if you all hated me for this after i tell you about it but well i got over some bad times with my girlfriend and one of u has been on vacation so weve been apart as long as weve been together weve talked alot of things out i think she might have cheated on me anyways but thats not why i did this at all. i felt such attractio to this girl and i was on pain meds for dental work i had done and well... im not saying thats why i did it im jsut saying it softened my resolve. we were flirting and tickling all night and well when it was time for us all to go to sleep she tickled me and i just pulled her close and we started to snuggle and it ended up as us kissing and cudling and tlaking all night. shes not sure what she wants to do and frankly niether am i besides i have to tell my girlfriend i know that much at least i may have done seomthing horrible but i wont lie to her. i know it will be the end of our relationship i hurt her once b4 and well this will be the last straw. i might end up loosing both of them i know i will at least be friends with the girl i cheated with but i cant even expect to ever talk to my gf ever again. i have no idea how to tell her though. i cant believe how stupid i wasi i could have stopped at cudlding and it would have not been cheating but then i kissed her and it was all over. im almost thinking is houdnt date anyone at all considering i always seem to (PROFANITY REMOVED BY MODERATOR) things up this is the first time iv ever cheated on anyone though and seeing how bad it feels the last... but im just not sure whether i want to be alone or be with the girl i cheated with. i know i feelings for that girl though. and she has feelings for me but im not sure if she will want naything romanticly to do with me considering how we ended up doing things while i have a girlfriend... i just dont know what to do

[quazit]

i feel like i shoudlnt be in a relationship ever because it always ends up in both of us getting hurt... no matter hwat my friends may think it does hurt me every time a relationship ends

[Michael2]

You are young, learn from your mistakes. Stop beating yourself up, but if this behaviour on your part does not end, you will only destroy any potential future relationships as you get older.

[quazit]

thank you for the kind words but i know im going to hurt her thats what makes this so horrible this is a horrible feeling this will be the last time i cheat. im kind of empathic so i have to learn how to stop myself from wanting to recipricate when someones showing me emotions of love or even lust. she was just going to give me another chance after i f*cked up earlyer too.

[mscolly]

I can hear the torment in your post and I feel for you. But, as Michael2 said, learn from it. Cheating is the worse thing that can happen in a relationship, but cheating is not just about kissing and sex.

 

The worse cheating is lying. And I'm very glad to hear you say that you won't lie to your current girlfriend. To err on the moment is human, but to compound it with lies is diabolical. Your girlfriend may be very hurt by your cheating, but I suspect she will be very impressed by your honesty. Tell her everything, how bad you feel, how you just slipped beyond a certain limit, how much you don't want things like this to happen ever again. How scared your becoming of relationships ending in general.

 

On a practical side, try lowering your standards for what you consider cheating. Cuddling seems OK, while kissing isn't. I personally would already have problems with cuddling, but everyone has their own standards. Decide what your standard is, and set your alarm level a couple of notchs lower. Don't get near that alarm level. If you don't want to cheat, don't put yourself in a position of almost cheating, avoid the situations that for you are dangerous, that need only just that little step more.

 

Discovering our own weaknesses and being honest about them to ourselves is a very adult experience. And many people even of my age are not adult in this sense. You're having a very adult experience and you want to learn from it. Someone who is more adult than their age will always be fascinating to the girls, you'll see.

 

Don't be scared of the hurt. However, do remember the hurt you've caused, for the next time you're tempted to cheat.

 

We're all more resilient than we think, and in love the risks go hand in hand with the rewards.

[quazit]

yea i know cuddling can lead to other things but its always been something iv done with my friends who are girls. i think theres only been like 4 girls iv been good friends with whom i havent cuddled with. but your right cuddlings kinda risky when your in a relationship. i didnt think about any of this when she turned around and we were face to face. then we started getting really close and i just gave in. and i kind of feel bad about kissing her on another level cause me kissing her then was her first kiss. it woudlnt have been so bad if id only kissed her once but we hung out all night like that and of course in morning after netality i felt like crap the next morning i had nausia and a migrane and well my pain killers made me so dizzy i coudlnt walk. my mind punishes my body for some things... and well i was afraid i wasnt going to tell my gf the truth so to keep myself honest i told her best friend last night but told her i wanted to tell claire because well its the right thing to do. its going to hurt her i know that which is why i had to make sure i kept myself honest otherwise i would have not wanted to hurt her and i might have lied.i seem to always end up doing something or at least wanting to do something and she does too with all the girls i get close too... only two girls have been this exception. i feel like such a rat for all of this though but thank you for telling me its better i learn from my istakes now

[quazit]

and mscolly i can see by one of your threads earlyer that you have had a bad experience with cheating and lying so it means alot coming from you that you say that its not an intollerable thing i did because im not going to lie. i will still never do it again but i at least am not even at the back of my mind tihnking of overdosing on the pain killers i have... it wasnt a big thought and well there was almost no chance of me doing it but its still better that its not there at all

[quazit]

i cant believe it we talked it out... were going to try some more and well now im going to try and be as perfect a bf as i can be. im still going to hang with the girl i cheated with but only as friends and i told that girlt his and she was fine with it i feel happy but for some reason i get the worst feeling that this is the calm b4 the storm

[mscolly]

Sorry, I've got a deja vue too, a premonition. I've been exactly there: my wife kissed a man who should have been just a friend, we've all talked it out (over months) and I actually think he now is just that, an extremely good friend. I'm in the position of your original girlfriend: I too had been badly (let's say a lot worse) cheated on not many months beforehand.

 

In my case, the doubts, the insecurity, the lack of faith in my wife and this friend have remained. Against all reason, against all evidence, it remains. Ok, perhaps your girlfriend's more trusting, perhaps she's more secure than I am. Perhaps not.

 

Are you willing to choose between these two girls? Which would you choose? If the second is only a good friend, could these two become, not great friends, but at least know each other?

 

Be alert for signs of jealousy in your girlfriend, and be prepared to choose. If you really can choose now, then choose. I know that's what I'd prefer my wife to do in my case. I also know it would cost her greatly, and in reality may not even be necessary.

[quazit]

it fels like my relationship with my girlfriend is doomed because of the history weve had in such a short time she doesent really trust me yet she even admits that and she doesent evenw ant me hanging out with the girl i cheated with but im not going to be restricted with my friends for any girl i decided that a long time ago because thats what a girl made me do once. and i coudlnt stand it it just made me hate that girl. i really have a horrible feeling that im going to do something or shes going to do something or that even one of our friends are going to do something but iv never been wrong when iv had these feelings it may not always come soon the bad thing but it has always come i vonly had these feelings 3 times b4 and some of those were jsut about friends and well the feeling was no where this strong... im trying to ignore it but its making me physically ill. im throwing p because im trying to push it away so i cant do that iv got to thinkon it isolate what my fears are and figure it out... i dont think a relationships going to work very well a relationship between me and her right now simply because she made me figure soemthing out about myself and now i have to cope with it and well this other side of me is only run by my emotions i havent learned to quite controll that side of me with thought yet and well its why i skrewed up and i feel very strongly for this other girl not only as a friend and not only in a loving way but very strongly in both.. i honestly dont know what to do right now it owuld have made it easyer if she hadnt forgiven me but she did and now i have to choose

[quazit]

i figured out what my sense of dread its that ill hurt her again i thought it had something to do with i thought it had something to do with i wont be happy in the relationship but its got ntohing to do witht hat im still afraid it might fail and badly but the feeling of dread was ove rher happyness not mine

[Mike_Wazowski]

telling your her you cheated serves no purpose unless you plan on using it as an excuse to break it off with her.

 

if you plan to stick together and to never cheat again and to love only her, then spare her the pain...Don't Tell!

[quazit]

yea well waaaaay to late for that and also we arent going to stick together my decision but not because i dont care about her its just well im a bit messed up in the head because around her and this other girl i just dont think. my emotions run me completely im seeing both of them tomrow and im getting things figured out and hopefully i will have two friends or a friend and a soon to be gf but i dont know whats going to happen exactly but i dont really agree with you well on one level i do but on another id ont i agreee that if i hadnt wanted to hurt her not telling her would have been better but i coudlnt have done that it would have ended up jsut as bad i had to tell her i cant lie to her like that even if its jsut not telling her a truth i cant do it i dont think ill ever be able to keep something like this fomr someone i actually care about

[lilsht05]

telling your her you cheated serves no purpose unless you plan on using it as an excuse to break it off with her.

 

if you plan to stick together and to never cheat again and to love only her, then spare her the pain...Don't Tell!

 

This is NOT true. lying about something...anything...to your gf or bf is the worst thing that you can do. Especially about cheating. What happens when she finds out from someone else?

 

People have an odd way of feeling when something isn't right, I now this from personal experience. My bf cheated on me and lied to me about it fora couple months, when the guilt finally got to him, he told me. I knew about it, I felt it and I had been told, but I wouldn't believe anyone. Anyway, I forgave him for the cheating, but the lying was a different story. that was almost 6 months ago, I trust him more with other girls that I do when he tells me something. I always think that he is lying to me, even though I know he isn't.

 

You telling her the truth was the best thing to do. And it will be easier for her to trust you knowing that you will always tell her the truth no matter what that means!

[Mike_Wazowski]

I always wonder why some people all of a sudden get so Self Rightous After the Fact????

 

'Oh, I gotta tell her I just spent the weekend Porking some Hoe. I love her, I owe her that much!'

 

All BS in Good Ole Mike_Wazowski's opinion...

 

I cheated on my wife....Accepted the fact that I was wrong, wrong, wrong, broke it off quickly....that's it! Now I'm showering my wife with all the attention I used to give the other girl. My wife is happier than I have see her in a long time...Our sex life is slowly improving....And I'll NEVER CHEAT AGAIN!

 

Now..If I would have told her...I'd be searching for a good divorce lawyer now....

[quazit]

i hope so but yea the relationships over... but im hoping to god i can still be friends with her considering how compatable me and her are. i was already hurt because i am really disgusted with myself at what iv done but she doesent care that much... like im hating myself more than shes hating or even not trusting me i cant be ina relationship with her right now cause i broke my own god damn trust in myself... 15 and i mess up this bad already... o well my friends were all pretty harsh about this but they all believe that im sitll a good person. so that tells me something. some of them said finally because i have such a perfect track record. friends react very diff to what you expect sometimes. im glad none of them tried to say what i did was ok though. i would have just thought they were stupid for thinking i would believe that. i made sure to keep myself honest by telling her bestfriend because i coudlnt get ahold of her so i knew if i didnt tell her her friend would so there was now ay for me to stop it

[lilsht05]

What if your wife found out?

 

Then what would you do? She would be pissed because you cheated and lied!

 

You would definently be looking for a good lawyer then.

 

Do you really think that she didn't notice the change in you and your attitude toward her. She knows something happened that changed you.

[quazit]

hey im definitly a practitioner of honesty in a relationshi no mater what... bad or good it has to be the truth in a relationship i know that and i always have. she appearantly cheated on me too though she says mines worse because i made the first move and i supose thats true... ugh i just hope i dont drive myself crazy b4 she gets here otherwise theres now ay in hell we are working this out

[Mike_Wazowski]

With regards to getting caught....I'll take my chances on that.....It's been over now for two weeks and so far so good. And anyways..the affair...if you wanna call it that, was with a Co worker who has as much to lose as me and it lasted like about 2 weeks...we only slept together twice......I live in Japan ....It's a totally different world here....not like America...

 

My wife notices a change, and she accepts it for what it is.....something positive...It's not the Japanese way to question a good thing!

[quazit]

just because she doesent question it does not mean that she doesentsee through it and is suspiciouse but its eating her up inside because she cant ask you about it maybe if she felt she could you wouldnt have this opinion on lying. if she did ask what would you tell her? and would you be able to lie to her to her face?

[Mike_Wazowski]

Would I lie to her face?? As I said..I made a big big mistake cheating...Something I will never do again. So, it may be a selfish act, but to save a possible divorce, my wife's feelings, my kids feelings, Yes I would lie....

 

You may not agree but that's what I would do!

 

Anyways..as I said I live in Japan and it's like 1:30am..time for bed...see ya for now!

[quazit]

ugh she mace we went to a park and she was cold and we started getting closer and well we ende dup seirouly making out and well then we went back to my house and my room and we made out more butthen right b4 she had to leave she said she wasnt going to take me back but maybe i could convince her over time... ugh i understnad where shes comnig from and hse has sound reasoning but it seriously seems like she wanted exactly this to happen... like she wanted to do this stuff with me and then just give me the blow right b4 she left it hink it mgiht be something to see if ill cheat on her even when were not going out shes making me hurt to see if ill do anything with the girl thats coming over later i was already hurting from what i did but this is a whole different kidn of hurt she didnt even seem pissed off or hurt by what i did at all she just kind of seemed i dunno like she wasnt sure what was going to happen but was sure what she was going to do