Ex girlfriend is chasing him after break-up desperately. What should I do?

[PrettyGood]

He left her after 8 years of friendship. There were ups and downs in their relationship. They were engaged once, but cancelled engagement one year ago because she had serious issues with alcohol. After she drank, she made a lot of quarrels, used physical power against him, yelled and couldn't control herself at all. Lately she stopped having sex with him and he broke up with her and asked her to move out of his house.

 

He knows me from long time ago and not so long ago we began dating. We're not official couple yet, because we don't want to rush anything. And I see that he has serious problems with his ex. Yesterday she drank a lot at the night club. I went to visit him at the late evening and we began talking. Then his ex came to his door totally drunk, knocking and begging to let her sleep over the night at his house because she was so drunk that she'd lost her house keys somewhere. Also she felt that he's not alone at that time, so she began a quarrel that he's not loyal to her and he had to drive me back to my house to avoid a big fight. He let her to spend a night at the separate room and at the early morning she left angry with no apology.

 

And she does it all the time. She's telling all the people some kind of nonsenses about us and she's threatening him that she will destroy his career if he will date me or if he sleep with me. What should I do about her? I told her many times that he's single now, but the more I speak to her, the more aggressive she become.

[PrincessBOT]

Stop dating him and just be there for him as friend or continue dating him and be his rebound. In my opinion you as the one that can see outside the situation can see thing clearer, you are outside it because she is not your problem to deal with, especially since you are not official and they were. You have more responsibility in this situation between you and he. Therefore, understand that the end of a relationship even a bad one is devastating and hard and emotional. He may not be showing it as much as woman, but it is a good possibility that he is hurting and from the sound of it still cares about her (he didn't have to open the door or let her stay and took you home instead). He may just need a friend(your ideal place in this situation) and time to get over this relationship (or possibly reconcile...yes he could possibly reconcile) so that he can see clearly if and when he starts dating you for an "official" relationship...

 

Also, did he say you are not an official couple yet because he doesn't want to rush or did you assume that? Either it's most likely for the reason mentioned above. So what should you about her?....Stop dating her ex/boyfriend who you were friends with (which she is probably thinking you two were always more than friends and rightfully so I would think the same)and let him deal with her and the end of their relationship.

[PrettyGood]

Well I'm trying to do my best not to rush anything with him either. I don't want it to be a rebound thing. So he really didn't want to open her the doors. He suggested to sleep in his car instead, but she was constantly knocking the doors several times and begging to let to sleepover at the different room. He let me to choose what I want to do in this situation - to stay and sleep with him or to drive me home. I chose home because it looked safer place to stay than to have problems when she is sober. And she was gone when he woke up. Maybe felt some kind of shame that she looked so desperate. She was trying to drink to death and to hook with other guys at the same evening but unsuccessfully so she went straight to him. And he was with me so showed no emotions just gave her a cover to sleep at the car if she wants, not at his house, still she gave no silence to us that evening and we were afraid to wake up our neighbours. It's horrible!

[PrincessBOT]

Ok I have a better understanding of the situation. A couple things with this additional info. First, he could have called the police, as his friend and you know he didn't want this you could have suggested calling the police, have him tell her he was calling the police, or called them yourself . I can't see how that wasn't the most natural thing to do since his safety and yours were in danger. I hate to be so morbid, but what if she in her drunken stupor decided to do harm to the ex while he slept instead of being gone when he woke, like set a fire or something (extreme, but the state she was in as you explained doesn't make this seem so impossible). Especially with you there in her face (by the way is enough to send most women especially drunk heart broken women over the top) she could have had the if I can't have him then no one can attitude. You are too busy trying to do the right thing as the person next in line for a relationship that you are not looking out for him as a friend in his time of less clarity and ex drama.

 

Second, don't be passive in this you need to actively let him know that you two should remain friends at this point, he needs time to deal with all that is happening. Trust me he will appreciate it when the smoke clears and he realized what was avoided by not jumping into something with the next closest female to him while he was still dealing with his ex.

 

Be his friend right now, that's it....