coming home at 9 am!?

[Dare2Dream]

I posted about 2 weeks ago about my g/f spending a lot of time with her male friend.

 

 

This past friday she goes to a CFL (Canadian Football) game with her friend Dave to meet up with his aunt and uncle. Then after the game they meet some of his friends and go clubbing. At first I was a little jealous. But realize I must trust her. So I dont hear anything from her until Saturday morning at 9:30 am! She has a "pay as you go" cell phone and didnt have any minutes so she couldnt call. And usually when we go out we dont call until we get home. But 9:30? She slept on the couch over his place. Which bugs me cause he lives 10 minutes from her house. So I dont talk to her all day saturday because I was upset and we kept missing each others calls...which I was okay with.

 

 

Then, Saturday night she leaves right from work to go over to his place and they meet his buddy at Niagra Falls camping ground. They hang out there all night.

 

Sunday morning I wake up at 8:30 and call her parents. Her mom says she must of had a little too much to drink and stayed over a friends house.

After speaking to her, she says they hung out at the camp site all night. Had a lot to drink and waited after 5 am to drive home. She then told me she had about 4 beers starting around 10 pm. Okay 4 beers? She drinks 4 beers no problem so I feel that was an excuse. Then she drove Daves car home and he wanted to stop by his place to let the dogs out. And while he did that she fell asleep on his couch? Okay, the dogs couldnt have waited another 10 minutes to go pee? So she calls me at 9 am.

 

 

 

Finally, Sunday night I blow up at her. I mean what would you do if your b/f or g/f comes in at 9 am and sleeps over twice at their "friends"

 

We get in this big argument. She says why are we in a relationship when you dont trust me. yadda, yadda, yadda. We tell her each other how we feel. She says I dont have to justify myself because I didnt do anything wrong.

 

So I feel bad for questioning her. But her actions are very questionable.

 

Your comments?

[twizod]

Ummmm, who wouldn't get pissed off over this? Jeez, your g/f straight up does not respect you if she does this. IMO, you have no choice but to do No Contact and wait for her to feel bad about it. If I were in a relationship and cared about the other person I would DEFINITELY care about what they thought. I would clear it with them first but using the whole "trust" thing against you is wrong. She should have asked you if you'd be okay with it first. Simple as that.

[phil1981UK]

I replied to your original post with my thoughts that didnt really go along with everyone else's, and im afraid to say I gotta do it again!!!

 

This is getting seriously out of hand dude, friends is one thing, it seems this is something else. Ok there is a slim chance that nothing is going on (and i expect everyone else to tell you that nothing is proberbly going on just to make you feel better), but this is real life dude, with a real man and a real woman spending a whole lot of real time together in real situations... it dont take a genius to guess there is a good chance there is more to this than she is letting on.

 

OK, she may be telling the truth but i dont know, are you still living away from her or are you living near her now? If you are near her than she should be spending this time with you! If your away from her than keep your guard up and be prepared for the worst.

 

Ok so what to do about it, well if you want to keep her, you cant accuse her anymore, this just pushes her towards him, be cool and make it clear you trust her (even if you dont). When you know for sure either way then you can take action.

 

If you dont want her or are sure she is playing you then you gotta row her out fella, dont argue, just tell her you cant handle the situation (which is true) and you want out of the relationship, if she wants you she will try to stay together, if she dont care shell just accept it and you know she was most likely playing you.

 

Good luck!

[avman]

Well I wouldn't recommend No Contact for this. This is an issue you have to both work out if you want to save the relationship.

 

I think you are right to feel hurt by what she did. Her story has a lot of holes in it and her defensive reaction is not a really good sign. When you are in a relationship you DO have to justify an incident like that. So when she gets on her high horse over it - thats a big red flag.

 

Tell her directly how this makes you feel. If she doesn't respect that - you might want to reconsider having a relationship with her.

[sisterlynch]

You should not consider this normal behavior for a girl friend. she is thinking about moving on. she is not treating you with respect.

 

Her mom is also too permissive with her, making excuses for her like that.

 

They need to grow up and you need to save that anger and use it to make more intelligent choices.

[Mun]

Hi,

Maybe she wants out of this relationship, but hasn't figured out a way to tell you?

 

If this is such a platonic friend---why haven't you been invited to come along on these trips?

[Cecelius]

There are lots of supportive comments here, which is good. Nevertheless, she's doing what she's doing and doesn't care what you think.

 

A good woman or a woman in love (they are not the same thing necessarily) would not act this way.

 

She's not your girlfriend anymore; she's his now. They may be waiting until its technically not cheating anymore to have sex, but its coming. Dump her (or better yet, just stop calling her).

[mb37kids]

Gotta go with MUNECA on this one-if they are just friend's then why weren't you invited? It also sounds like she is getting abit defensive about the whole think-me thinks the lady doth protest too much!!

It also sounds like she does

n't respect you much and if she isn't "doing" Dave then it will be someone else.

Hate to be harsh.

[jurupa]

You should ask her straight up if she wants out of the relationship. Skip the questions on why she did what she did, you will go in circles forever. If she does want to keep the relationship then ask her why she did what she did, but if not then I think you know what to do.

[Abby]

Alarm bells are ringing here for me but that's only because of a negative experience I had with a male friend.

 

He went out on a bender and I was worried about him. About 11-12 pm is when I'd come home from a night out but I understand some people go on to a club and don't get in till after 2am. That time passed and still no word. Eventually I hear from him at 5.30am saying he'd just got home.

 

He said he didn't know where he'd been; only that he'd woken up near his car (yeah, driving with alcohol still in his blood, crazy!). Anyway, we had a heated row about it because of where he could have ended up. I said I would have expected him to be in around 2am but he said that wouldn't be a night out for him. I asked what he would call a night out and he said returning home at 8.30am! And this was starting out from 7.30pm - a 13 hour drinking binge. I said, "That's not a night out, that's waking up in someone's bed!" I was concerned for him because of the drinking and his wife because, well, you know why! She would have been livid to know he'd been out that long (they were separated at the time).

 

Anyway, alarm bells ring. That's all I wanted to say.

 

Sorry mate

[Jennyve21]

It doesnt seem like she is anywhere near settling down. I would never treat my boyfriend that way unless I wasnt serious about him. I feel guilty even leaving for a few nights even though he knows where I am, who im with and what im doing. I think when you are ready to settle down, you dont take off for nights without calling. sounds immature.

[lostNheartbroken]

Man oh man, I've been through the exact situation myself. In mine, the girl was cheating on me, I didn't find out until I got the clap from her.

 

I'm sure she tells you you're over reacting, you're such a jealous person, aims everything at you when you confront her?

 

Why don't you go with her when she's hanging out with her male friend?

 

In my situation I laid it out and asked if she wanted to be with me and she claimed yes, cried, blah blah blah, was the most believable person. In reality I came to find out she was sleeping with one of her male "friends" much like the one you describe.

 

Sometimes you might have to drop the emotions and just look at facts and make an informed decision.

[OceanEyes]

From a female point of view, I think your girlfriend is defininitely messing around on you. This may not be what you want to hear, but you've asked for advice here and I'll give it to you honestly.

 

There is no reason that your girlfriend can't go home and sleep in her own bed, especially when the place she's staying probably has some horny guy in it. Staying over at a guy's house once because she's had too much to drink is one thing; it becoming a habit and something she's doing more often is quite another. She's taking you for a ride and I don't think you will want to stick around for the end result.

 

Don't sit at home thinking about this situation. Get out there and try to do some happy things by yourself.