Becoming Anti-social

[CGE]

So right now I'm currently 20 years old and living at my parents house. I went to college in '09-10 and had a very hard trouble socializing and meeting people (I had hung out only with a certain group of kids during my whole highschool career) and actually had a break down at school because I got to the point where I couldn't fake liking to be around people and I would compulsively lie about where I was going or what I'd be doing and just end up in the library sitting alone. I thought I had overcome being "anti-social" but as of lately I had recently dropped contact with a couple of the only friends I had and basically only interact with my parents, a few co-workers (whom I only interact with so I have somebody to talk to at work) and people who only take the first step to text me. When I get into crowds of people I know (ranging from 2-8 people) I get really anxious and either say very stupid things or very random things. I also can't seem to break this habit of compulsively lying to point where I can't be honest with anybody (right now I'm sitting in a Starbucks typing while I had told my parents I had gone to the gym). Should I get see a therapist or psychologist?

[Yaz]

Yes, seek help. If you were doing this and it was making you happy, it wouldn't be a problem. Make yourself happy.

[Someday_Soon]

The compulsive liar thing is something you need to get help for whether it makes you happy or not if it continues. I can identify with a lot of what you're feeling. Some people absorb energy when they socialize, some people expend energy. You and I expend energy and consequently desire downtime to cope. The problems start when you elicit a pscyhosomatic fight or flight reaction in social situations as if you were in some kind of danger, as if a normal person were being mugged in an alley etc. That's why you sometimes say random and strange things in groups of people. It's fine to want to be alone and to be happy while you're alone. But getting extremely nervous and anxious in social situations that are routine is a response that is more extreme than you should be experiencing. Usually, this type of thing gets better with age, as you mature. You can also work on it by practicing in real social situations which of course requires the exposure that makes you uncomfortable. And finally counseling is also an option. There are a number of books and online resources that deal with social anxiety and may offer some insight that can point you into the right direction. Cognitive behavioral therapy is also a powerful option you should look into which can be part of a therapy session.

 

One of the vicious cycles of social anxiety, is people feel they don't have anything to talk about when they are with others and they are afraid others will notice and label them as outcasts etc. So the victims of social anxiety shun real life experience which of course require social interaction, and they continue to feel the effects of low self esteem by having a continually empty life. Try to break the cycle by taking every opporutnity life provides to experience something new, no matter how insignificant it seems, and build on each experience so you may possibly have something to talk about during the next social encounter. In the mean time you can be a good conversationalists by listening and asking questions you think your acquaintances may like to discuss. It's going to be a bit of an uphill battle, but anything that is worth doing usually is! Also, remember that social anxiety is quite common, and many people you have talked to in the last year probably have some form of it.

[CGE]

I have tried to be outgoing and even fake being a very social person so people perceive me that way. The problem is that I can only keep it up for so long and end up being the quiet, reserved person I am which leads to losing the "friends" I had made when I tried to be outgoing. It's a recurring issue for me because I always throw on my fake "social" personality around people and they initially like me but since that is not the real me and I can't keep up the act for long, I lose those "friends". Right now, one of my brothers friends is living at my parents house with me (he got an internship in DC as a para-legal) and I have to keep up this fake personality around him and its driving my anxiety levels up to the point where I avoid going downstairs and have developed some mild insomnia. He will be gone in a month so I think I can handle putting up this social front until he leaves.

[mya]

I know exactly how you feel but the fact of the matter is there is nothing wrong with being a reserved quieter person. I think this society tends to tell us to be a certain way but we are all different. I personally do respect people like you and I. Yes sometimes I think we should fake it a little but we cannot fake it completely. You cannot put up a fascade forever without it completely draining you.