Accepting Acceptance

[T413]

How do you move into the Acceptance stage?

 

My head knows it's over. It's been nearly eight months since the BU but my heart clings onto false hope and fears that accepting Acceptance means it really is over (even though I know it is).

 

If I could move into the Acceptance stage, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much and maybe the healing process would be quicker. Any tips would be appreciated.

[TSandullo]

Like anything else involved in healing after a breakup, it takes time.

 

I met my inspirational next door neighbour today, a 70 year old man who looks like the happiest man in the world.

As he and many other say, time is a great healer.

 

The Acceptance stage is a loose description of a point you reach where you finally accept 'it is what it is' and then move on for good.In the early stages of a breakup, a whirlwind of emotions take place, nonstop overanalysis and so on.

 

Then it all passes.

 

Me for instance, I have been broken up for over a year and a half and only now am I feeling that I have reached the acceptance stage. For other, within a week.

 

It all depends on the individual.

 

So, in the mean time, keep busy, keep active, engage in your hobbies, social circle and occupy your mind with good productive things. Once you have arrived at the acceptance stage, you will know. Just keep doing those good fun productive things.

 

TS

[redswim30]

OP,

 

Accepting something that we didn't want to happen in the first place can be incredibly hard. However, it can also be incredibly freeing. It was hard for me to admit when my marriage was really over. I felt hurt, I felt lost, I felt that it wasn't " fair". I went through all the thought processing of " If only this.... if only that.... maybe someday" all to no avail. Once I finally did let go, I was amazed at how much better I felt. It didn't get rid of all of the pain, but it DID take a huge load off of my shoulders. I was free. I could choose to be happy again. I had a whole new life beckoning me. Letting go is like being a kid at a waterpark- When you get to the top of that huge tower, it can be scary. You don't know how the journey will be, you don't know what awaits you at the bottom- but once you get there, you find out that not only was it not as bad as you'd imagined but that you even enjoyed it and holding onto the fear made things worse for you than they needed to be. We as humans hold onto hurt, but sometimes that hurts us more than moving forward. I know it's not easy, but you'll never fully recover or learn to enjoy the new possibilities in front of you until you take that leap. You can do it. Once you do, things can only get better. Good luck

[endy]

How do you move into the Acceptance stage?

 

My head knows it's over. It's been nearly eight months since the BU but my heart clings onto false hope and fears that accepting Acceptance means it really is over (even though I know it is).

 

If I could move into the Acceptance stage, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much and maybe the healing process would be quicker. Any tips would be appreciated.

 

 

Try reading the journey from abandonment to healing by susan anderson, and or you can heal your life by louise hay. I would read both, and you'll move on quicker.

[T413]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

 

...holding onto the fear made things worse for you than they needed to be. We as humans hold onto hurt...

 

This is exactly what I am doing. I'm holding onto the fear and hurt but I truly am scared to let go. If I let go, it means I've lost him forever. I see him regularly and I know from his body language and the way he acts that I've lost him so I really do need to take the plunge and allow my heart to let go.

[Meriem]

Heey it's okay, yes we tend to hold on to hurt because sometimes that's all we got left, if we let go of hurt we let go of the relationship and we are no longer emotionally invested in the relationship = the relationship dies, that's why we keep feeling pain and hurt cuz it's what connects us to the relationship.. You should know that acceptance comes with time, it's hard to force your self to accept something you can't accept, your attachment will lessen with time and naturally you'll be off the hook, one day accepting that it's over won't be so hard and forced it'll be just natural and easy you'll get there trust me

[redswim30]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

 

 

 

This is exactly what I am doing. I'm holding onto the fear and hurt but I truly am scared to let go. If I let go, it means I've lost him forever. I see him regularly and I know from his body language and the way he acts that I've lost him so I really do need to take the plunge and allow my heart to let go.

 

Op, Re-read what you wrote here. You are equating letting go to giving up, but that's not the case. What you feared to happen has already happened, being upset or holding onto the hurt of that won't change anything. You can't control him, but you can control yourself. By letting go, you are liberating yourself, you are taking charge of your own future and happiness. Holding onto pain is akin to holding onto a sinking ship. The ship was your safe haven and you are so focused on the loss of it, you fail to recognize the other fantastic ships passing you by. Don't let this happen. Don't let fear or hurt blind you to all the good things ahead of you in life. Focus on the positive. Think of the endless possbilities open to you. Chances are you had a life before this person, you can have a life after him too, but it's up to you and you alone. You can do it. Instead of focusing on what was or might have happened, concentrate on what is and what opportunities are in front of you. Sometimes the best things in life come out of situations we never wanted. I was in your shoes. I didn't want a divorce. I was so upset, and I had resigned myself to unhappiness. I had made my husband my whole life and had a hard time getting past the hurt. Once I finally did let go, I saw lots of roads open up to me that I forgot about, ignored or never fully explored before. I met more people, got back to hobbies I had put in a drawer, and finally met another man that was a FAR better match for me than my ex ever was ! I cringe to think on all I might have missed out on had I kept hanging onto someone who, in the end, didn't care much about me anyway. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, but I never expected that to spring out of a divorce that I didn't want. I know it takes time, but sometimes we have to force ourselves to take that first step. For me, it was " Okay. I really didn't want this to happen, but it did. I can sit and be upset about it, and nothing will change. Or I can chose to move forward and into a happier place". I am so glad that I did. The first step in the hardest, but you can do it ! Believe in yourself and in your worth. One person choosing not to be with you is NOT a reflection of your worth as a person, so don't let it be. Don't let a relationship ending be the end of YOU. You will get through this, and may even be happier in the long run. But it all starts with that first step. It's a choice.

 

(sorry for the the novel- BEST OF LUCK OP !)

[Dryyoureyes]

Acceptance for me is also about realizing that me and my ex were not the perfect match. Maybe try to focus on stuff that you didn´t like about your ex? It´s not about hate, it´s just about the differences, like if you are into sports but your ex is not for example. For me it was about thinking about the relationship again and see it without emotions how it really was and what i have been missing.

Remember time is a great friend, but reflecting in my opinion has to be done at one stage

[okiedokiestomp]

acceptance for me is the stage when I recognized "it is what it is" and I no longer denied or tried to make (change) it into something it no longer was. For me it was the beginning of true personal growth and self perspective in my healing b/c it is the release of what I was needlessly holding tightly onto in the belief that it could be something that it truly isn't.

 

Acceptance in my healing process happened for me when I began to understand that I cannot change anyone but myself and after much self work I accepted myself for all of my good qualities and all of my flaws and began to have more healthy relationship with myself. I heard a quote from John Bradshaw that said "of all the people you will ever know you are the only person who will never leave or abandon you" and I began to apply that wisdom to my relationship with myself and how I could improve this as the most important relationship in my life (after my relationship with God) and the basis for all other relationships. Accept people and situations for who who/what they are. Let go of the stress of trying to make people behave and act as you want them to...this is acceptance.

 

allow people to be who they are no matter what the circumstances and realize they and their actons are not your responsibility...when you understand that the only person you have any control or responsibility over and you let go of any misplaced good intentions to change another you will have not only acceptance but also serenity...and isn't that the true goal of all of us through healing?

[lonely2much]

Acceptance=healing..I am in a similiar situation. I know that we are never going to get back together but I keep fantasizing that he will walk through my door promising me changes and all the love that he could possibly give me. I know it's not going to happen, and I think we find a certain comfort when we hold on to the past because we are familiar with it..Don't be so hard on yourself, you will accept it and move on when you are truly ready, just remember there will probably be a time that you would of wished you did it sooner than layer..oh ya "When one door closes another door opens.." good luck