Did we have "the talk" and I somehow missed it?

[katka]

 

 

This may sound crazy but I'm not quite sure if I am now officially in a relationship. How could I have missed it? I'm just as confused as I was going in!

 

Had a conversation Sat night with this guy that I have been seeing and all of a sudden he starts asking me the following questions...

 

- What are you looking for exactly?

 

- What is it about me that you like?

 

- Are you seeing anyone else?

 

- Have you ever been in love?

 

- How many long-term relationships have you been in and how long did they last and were you the one to do most of the "dumping"?

 

- Do you see yourself ever getting married?

 

- Do you eventually want kids and if someone didn't want kids for another year to three years...would that be fair to you considering the biological clock?

 

I woke up the following morning wondering if I am now someone's girlfriend...what do you think??

[justagirl20f]

I don't think so. I talk like that with guys early on (no sense wasting time if you're not on the same page, right?) but things aren't official until he either calls you his GF in conversation (assuming you want to be of course) or he asks you to be his girlfriend/agrees to be your boyfriend.

 

JMO

[Tricklock]

wow thats really weird (not your issue) my friend (girl) just called me and had the exact same thing happen to her, and my advice to her and to you is

 

do you want to be in the relationship?

(coder version now lol)

if #answer = yes

{

go with it and see how it goes

}

 

if #answer = no

{

then just nicely explain that you are not interested (when i say nice i mean nicely hehe)

{

[katka]

There is no way I'd be talking like or asking some guy that I've only been dating a little over a two months because I would think it would scare them away. And I most CERTAINLY wouldn't ask those questions and discuss this stuff with someone I had zero interest in .... why bother?

[Scout]

I think his questions are a sign that he is seriously considering an exlusive relationship with you, but I wouldn't define that as "the Talk", where exclusivity is established. Depending on how he liked your answers, that talk could be coming up soon, though.

[katka]

ever since that little conversation, he was incredibly cold, aloof, not himself...last I've heard from him was Sunday at noon and now it's Wednesday late afternoon. If one read that Dr. Gray Mars and Venus book it talks about the uncertainty stage...not sure I buy it but.

 

How can you go from those indepth questions to being cold and distant and no contact? My answers matched his. We were on the same page. What do I do now?

[ComputerGuy]

wow thats really weird (not your issue) my friend (girl) just called me and had the exact same thing happen to her, and my advice to her and to you is

 

do you want to be in the relationship?

(coder version now lol)

if #answer = yes

{

go with it and see how it goes

}

 

if #answer = no

{

then just nicely explain that you are not interested (when i say nice i mean nicely hehe)

{

 

Let me do that in VB:

 

Private sub Command1_Click ()

Dim answer as string

 

label1.caption = "Do you want to be in the relationship?"

 

answer = textbox1.text

 

if answer = "Yes" then

textbox2.caption = "Go with it and see how every thing works out"

elseif answer = "No" then

textbox2.caption = "Explain that you don't want a committed relationship right now, and dont want to give the wrong impression. Do it nicely though"

else

textbox2.caption = "Think about whether you could see yourself happy with this person later on down the track, if you can think about whether you could see a future together"

end if

 

end sub

 

Hmmm, I think the syntax in that is right....LOL

 

Seriosuly though. If you want to be in a relationship with this guy, just go along with it because it sounds like he's serious. I know I am if I start asking stuff like that. If you feel that although you want to be in a relationship, but he's moving too fast, just explain it to him gently, but be careful how you word it alot of guys take this as a prelude to breaking up.

 

If not, then tell him, there is not point in leading him on. If he is serious, it is going to hurt him, but it will hurt less if you did it no as opposed to later on.

 

If you're unsure, then try and think if you could see yourself going anywhere with him. Imagine 12 months down the track and see if you could still see the two of you together.

 

Hope that helps

 

PS - Sorry about the code, couldn't resist

[Scout]

Ok, he may have freaked himself out a little by asking those questions. This is a very crucial stage - DO NOT call him. Wait for him to call you. He will, and then act like nothing ever happened. He'll come around. But guys get so scared when they start to like a girl, and many try to sabatoge it for whatever silly reasons they have. Who knows what goes on in a guy's mind half the time...I've given up trying to figure it out.

[ComputerGuy]

I'm a guy and I don't know what goes on my mind sometimes LOL

[Scout]

Exactly!