When an ex says "I Miss You"

[tacs1895]

As 90 said... there isn't any one solution.

 

I think what annoys me more than anything on these forums are blanket, universal, generalizing statements that are often made. Words like ALWAYS and NEVER and the ONLY WAY seem to me completely inappropriate for the situations of life and love. Things like this:

- when a relationship is broken, it's broken.

- they always come back.

- never go back to an ex

- NC is the only way to get over someone.

 

Those statements allow no space for any alternatives, even though there is plenty of evidence that alternatives exist:

- some people do manage to fix relationships, or renew them by starting over

- exes don't always come back (none of mine ever have!)

- lots of people have returned to exes happily

- people have managed to get over an ex even if they still have to see them (work, kids, etc).

 

Whatever the situation, there's always a whole bunch of factors that make them unique. It seems to me that many people apply their own experiences to make sweeping generalizations as if they're the same for every person and every situation.

 

Rather than using words like always and never, I think it would be so much more useful if people used words like SOMETIMES, COULD, MIGHT, OFTEN, OCCASIONALLY, POSSIBLE. And for people to be open to the idea that their experiences may not apply in the same way to everyone.

 

I liked lucasky's original response, she wasn't denying that "I miss you" COULD be a deceptive or misleading statement, but she was highlighting that SOMETIMES it could mean a lot more. The whole point is there's no single explanation or answer, and I believe people should be more open-minded about that.

 

Furthermore I believe that it would lead to more useful communication and advice (because often a generalizing statement can provoke a strong response - a bit like lucasky's ugggghh! - I felt your frustration at that moment, lucasky!) I think it can be quite hurtful for someone who feels strongly about something to be told that that is NEVER the case, and it can lead to defensive reactions. I see that happening in several of the more aggressive disputes that crop up from time to time. But when people are considerate of other people's positions and perspectives, then the conversation that follows is usually far more productive and helpful for everyone.

[hausser]

Spot on, agreed 100%.

[Silverbirch]

Good post! I so agree with all of this.

[HeartGoesOn]

This thread has run its course.

 

Thread closed.