WRITING A LETTER TO AN EX????????????????

[SpicyWonder]

Thoughts?

[life_can_be_painful]

wish i could help. i was in the same situation as you as well... in fact, eerily close. but i think i did all the wrong things. broke the nc, wrote her letters, mood swings, etc... so it all pushed her further away to the point of no return. i woudnt say i wasnt justified in feeling as fcked up as i did, because she really messed up my head and made me feel like trash in a lot of ways... but i regret a lot of it and now wished that i had just not been so emotional and just kept my cool and living my own life and not break down completely like i did, because she meant everything to me, and act pathetic. i wish i had been bold and not cared so much and felt frightened about that she would meet someone she loved more than me and leave me miserable and lonely. and in the end, thats what happened anyways and maybe it would have happened regardless of what i did.

 

so maybe thats good advice that you do the opposite of what i did? maybe a litter would be nice, but then make sure that you just act like you are ok and dont really mention anything to do with your relationship, or atleast tell him that no matter what he wants, you hope he sorts it out in his own time and that you respect him whatever he decides.

 

good luck and many hugs

[ravens_folly]

hi,

 

that sounds like the closest thing to my breakup as it could get. My ex did the exact same thing, he didn't really treat me all that bad, but started ignoring me and when I asked what was going on with him, he just dumped me and not because he didn't like me, I know but because of personal reasons, he didn't feel he had time, or whatever else.

 

Anyways, so yes, i did the same thing, I blew up, said some mean things, begged him back, all that stuff, wrote him letters proposed friendship, he said he would be my friend, but never acted on it... etc.

He is the same kind, not expressing his feelings, doesn't talk to anyone about anything other than everyday work stuff, etc.

 

I made it worse, so what I did to him, was go to his face, apologized for what i did, told him he was right in what he did, and that I did some thing sI didn't mean because I was upset and I was sorry and hoped we could be friends. I asked if i could call him aswell, which he said I could, but then I never did. So i think that made him mad, cause now he won't acknowledge me and is really pissed...

 

So to get my closure I went to him, and told him how I felt about him, which I never really did before, and then left. I am doing NC and i've been doing it all summer, but its been almost impossible to not see him at all since I have a 4-h animal at his parents house so i've needed to work with it. But he's mad about me coming over too, he's being a real a** and big baby. And if he ever comes to his senses I would give him another chance, but I would have to know it was genuine because of his feelings and not for some other reason.

 

Anyways, I would suggest if you want to write a letter that might be a good idea, but try to write it when you are in a good mood, think about what you want to say and say it, don't ramble on and on. Make it short and simple. Don't ask for anything just state the facts.

Just send it in the mail I would say, no need to give it to him in person, unless you want to tell it to him in person. Usually that gives a lot more credit if he would stand there and listen. My ex was very happy after I apologized to him, so whatever happened from there on I don't really understand his whole pissiness now but I know its not my fault.

 

Anyways, just think of everything you want to say. Make sure you hand write it too, and read it over a couple times and make sure you've said things the way you want it to come accross. It might be a good idea to have someone look it over if you don't mind them reading it just incase they have some useful imput.

 

Hopefully I've helped in some way!

[Jyebo]

Hi,

 

I don't think that writing to someone that you have changed will change their mind about you. He might also see it as another desperate chance to win him back. I think the only way that he can see that you have changed is by showing him. So by all means write the letter, but try to keep it more friendly and trivial. He will be able to detect a change in your words alone, who knows, maybe he'll want to catch up! Just be normal, not emotional or apologetic.

 

Jyebo

[melodymel]

Hi Spicy Wonder

 

 

I don't think writing a letter is a good idea. Especially at this early stage ( how long has it been since you two split up?)

 

I think that you definitely need time to heal and get on with your life, known on this forum as NC (No Contact). If he already thinks you're mad, then writing a letter will only aggravate the situation. If you really want him to see that you are sorry and have changed then you must not contact him at all. You must resist the temptation to call or contact him. Instead, try to move on. You need time to heal yourself and in a couple of months down the line, when you are a whole lot stronger, then maybe you could contact him ( if you still care for him) and who knows what could happen then. Maybe you'll have met someone else. But DO NOT write a letter!!

 

 

My boyfriend split up with me end of April, by text! Needless to say I was absolutely furious and confronted him about this via email. So we exchanged a couple of heated emails, but at no point did I beg him to come back. I basically told him he was a coward and did not deserve me etc. I had absolutely no contact with him since then, till about two weeks ago. In the mean time I went about sorting myself out. WEnt to the gym and have managed to lose 12lbs and I look good (even if I say so myself!) Anyway, I emailed him just a light email. He responded within 3 hrs and we have exchanged a few emails since! My next move is to ask him out for a drink.

 

So give it time. Fight the temptation to call or write him. Move on with your life. if my ex and I get back then that would be brilliant. But I am emotionally strong now, that if nothing came of it, I wouldn't be devastated.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Mel.

[SpicyWonder]

Thanks a lot for your insights and advices.

It's been 5 months since we broke up and 3 months since the last contact (seems to me like it was yesterday). But after I overreacted (constant calls, pathetic messages, etc) the way I did, it will take some time (maybe many months) for him to believe I have changed and not be scared of me. But I don't really know how much longer to wait, and I don't care how long is the time because now I have nothing to lose. It's intriguing that he was telling me to give him time to talk to me again, but I felt miserable and insisted too much. Now that I pressured and annoyed him enough that he made it clear that it was over, I don't mind giving him all the time of the world.

 

Another question I have why guys turn so mean when a girl shows too much attachment and/or devalues herself for him? Shouldn't they be proud? My ex was the sweetest guy, and then turned so mean with me so fast. I am pretty sure he liked me, but why...

[ravens_folly]

Yeah same with mine.... so nice to me all the time, would never say no..

but now he hates my guts and for no apparent reason.

 

Its just easier for them to hate and be angry because it covers up their real feelings. and this especially goes for guys who don't normally show their real emotions.

[life_can_be_painful]

hm, you've got something there about the anger bit. maybe thats why my ex was so horrible for no reason, just making me angry for the way she was acting as well.