Was doing NC and was fine... then I contacted! Bad move....

[Sadboy75]

Hi there

 

have postde on this forum before... in a nutshell broke up with the love of my life after a wonderful 13 months together.. she needed to find herself and requested space which i gave her... she anted it before and i gave it to her on 3 occasions but she came back immiediately... she was very confused about a lot of things... so finally i said she needed to go and find herself etc..

 

Post the break-up things turned nasty.. i found it difficult and did a few things which she ded not like! She responded by saying she never ever wants to have anything to do with me ever again! A bit harsh but thats the way she reacted... I think ti was an over reaction but she said it so i did NC...

 

Whilst doing NC I found it got easier and easier... enabled me to move on a bit and start to see the light! Now yesterday I stupidly sent her a text asking if she would like some photos that we took of her and a celebrity she adored... i said nothing about us, just whether or not she wanted photos. At this point i did not know whether she was still angry and would respond or not. I think i just wanted to test if she would stick to her word and not want to communicate with me at all..

 

Well she responded saying "Yes please - if u could put them through the post that would be great." Dont know but it has really effected me for some reason... I know it is not a sign of her wanting me back at all but just the fact we have communicated has really set me back!

 

What I would like to say is do not contact your exs for any reason at all as I am now back a few weeks and have to mend myself to the point where i was yesterday!

 

Then again, i also feel as though she has calmed down a bit which is good but id rather not have contacted her at all!

 

Learn from my mistake!

[Brandell]

Interesting that this post was top of the heap this morning as last night I was out and "nearly" sent the ex. a text to say hi. My hand was shaking over the "send" button but in the end I said No! and closed the phone. I was just going to say "Hi, how are you doing?" but then I thought I would get 4 possible results from this:

 

1) I would be afraid she might text back TOO much info like "great! doing well, met someone marvellous and am happy. How are you?"

 

2) Would get a bland reply like "fine thanks" or a nasty one like "fine. I have moved on. Please don't contact me again"

 

3) No reply at all

 

4) The text would not go through as maybe its possible she would have changed her number to avoid just such contact

 

WOULD ANY OF THESE RESULTS HAVE MADE ME FEEL ANY BETTER?

 

NO!

 

In a fairytale world a 5th response is possible as in "Thank God you contacted me! Was just thinking of you! Lets meet! I missed you!"

 

but how likely is that? Yep, you got it...slim to none.

 

No Contact is the way to go. If we are to speak to the ex's again let them do the initiating and let US be in control of how it goes.

 

How long were you in No Contact before you contacted her? And what was your thinking just before doing it and what result did you expect?

 

Sorry to hear of your setback. Won't take you as long to get back on track this time though. Keep strong.

[candianeh2000]

Don't worry, I wouldn't expect it to take 3 weeks for you to heal back to where you were before contacting her.

 

I have been undergoing NC for about 3 months now. However, there have been a couple lapses where she contacted me and I allowed her to get under my skin after having not spoken for a few weeks. These would depress me heavily. However, these didn't set me back to square one of NC. Rather they made me feel miserable for a day or two (at most) and then I felt like I could recover again.

 

Obviously everybody is different so I can't say it will happen exactly like that for you. But I still would expect that it will be easier the second time around.