Healing the Finances after Break Up! RANT!!!

[Dagmar]

My daughter is a sweet, beautiful 20 yo. She had never been away from home and lived with me, expense-free! We have always been very close until...

 

About a year ago when she met this guy. She was nineteen, a virgin. He was 17 & already had a 2 yr old! That was red flag #1 with many more to follow, but there was no reasoning with her. Within 2 mo she moved a city away to be closer to him! She quit college & forfeited her child support income (she was in a 6 yr program). She cut off all contact with me & all her friends. She literally made him her world! She bought him a car ($6000) and ultimately they moved into a cottage together-all within a years time. She put the place & all the bills in her name.She kept her 20 hr per week Coaching job. Fast forward...

 

About 2 wks ago, she discovered he was cheating! So, she abruptly ended it and moved back home, broken and penniless with her finances in a pathetic mess! She is working on pride, trust and self-confidence issues. He moved in with his new thing and already states on fb that he is ready for a change!

 

Ugh, here's what my daughter is stuck with!

 

• US Cellular family plan with a 2 yr Contract (he won't sign off responsibility)=$150/mo. (to cancel him off the contract completely would cost her $150)
   
  
• A Car Pmt = $160/mo - 3 year note! (for a car she doesn't even drive & lost the keys to) I advised her to have new keys made = $150. Or try for a loan modification to try & get lower monthly pmts.
   
  
• Last month's Cottage Rent = $545 (trying to get security dep back).
   
  
• Left over Utilities from the Cottage = $50
  

 

She has no idea how to get out of this mess!!! I have serious anger issues surrounding all of this and it feels good just to vent about it.

 

[f1r3f1y3]

For the car, pay the $150 for the new keys, pay to get it professionally valeted and then sell it privately. Try and negotiate lower payments on the loan anyway (assuming there isn't enough from the car sale to make early repayment possible and cheaper overall). She could quite feasibly have the keys made and car sold within a month. That money can then sit in an account to make payments until she sorts herself out.

 

Kids make expensive mistakes early on. I bought a house with my first girlfriend 2 months before she dumped me. Hell I married a girl at 21.

 

When you're young and in love, no-one can tell you any sense. It's the best feeling in the world, and the biggest disappointment when it fails. You never forget your first.

[Tanzi]

Oh dear. She really has got herself in a mess. No wonder you are angry. I agree with f1r3f1y3 ... do what you need to do to sell the car ... and you may have to cut your losses and pay the money for the phone if that is viable. That will be better in the long run instead of paying hefty monthly hills and at least he wont be able to use his phone (if he is still doing so). I'm not sure what you can do as regards the rent and utilities. Hopefully you will get the security deposit back which you will then be able to put towards it. If not or if you still have a significant amount to pay perhaps you could speak to the people you owe the rent to and come up with a payment plan.

 

I know you feel a lot of anger but this guy is a chancer and a user and one day he will come unstuck and he will get his come uppance. As for your daughter ... well she has learnt a very valuable lesson. I know it was an expensive one but at least it is one she is unlikely to make again ... and thank your lucky stars that she at least wasn't silly enough to get pregnant.

[CatsMeeoow]

You know - it could have been much worse. She could have found herself in 20k of credit card debt as well....

 

1) pay off the cell phone contract.... stop paying for a phone for moocher... plus she really can't afford a cell phone now so she needs no plan at all..

 

2) either put the money into the car OR let them repossess it - sure its going to ding her credit a bit but not forever and perhaps it will keep her from being in this spot again anytime soon.

 

3) let the super keep the security deposit in lieu of last months rent if it covers it... if its in excess by one to two hundred dollars just let it go... keeps you from coming up with the $545

 

4) pay the $50 for utilities for you child and have her pay you later

 

Now scoot her but out the door and have herself find a job. She has responsibilities to pay and now that she is back to living at home with mom she now owes mom rent until she is back in school. (While that may seem rough you can remind her at least she had a place to go - many girls in her situation unprepared would be on the street.) She needs your love but you need to show her she is an adult and if she is going to make adult decisions she is going to have to live with the rules of an adult.

 

Its really not that bad. And, she isn't the first child to crash out of the nest... don't feel like you didn't raise her right... this is often the best lesson for her to learn to really make it in the real world.

[RedDress]

Silver lining time! There is little to no way that she hasn't learned a valuable lesson from all this. It's a great opportunity to talk to her about the importance of family and friends as well as making wise decisions. I agree it could have been a lot worse.

 

I also agree that you should start charging her rent now (a %age of her salary or something).

 

She needs to take him off the phone NOW. He can easily rack up 1-900 number calls or something out of spite if it's in her name.

 

As far as the rest? Honestly? I don't know how much minimum wage is there - but here it's about $10/hr. It sounds like she can make those car payments ongoing - and isn't it good to have a car for school? Anyways, those numbers don't sound insurmountable. Others have given great advice about how to handle that.

 

I'd just make sure that she's not having her heart strings pulled about not taking the car away or paying the phone bill. It sounds really fishy that she "lost" the keys. Are you sure she doesn't just feel bad for this guy (and his kid) and feels guilty about pulling the rug out from under him?? She needs to understand that those were HIS decisions and HIS consequences to deal with. I think that would be my biggest concern...

[Tanzi]

And make sure she deletes him from Facebook!

 

She is lucky that that she has you to help her out of this mess. I hope this brings you even closer still.