I think separated man I'm dating is getting bac with wife!

[Rockymountainhigh]

I've bee dating a separated man with a 5 year old for about 4 months, since April. He's a former co-worker who I always had a crush on, always stayed in touch with, even after I left his company. His wife kicked him out in March and I said "I can hook you up with a share apt. with a friend of mine in my building", which he accepted and I told him soon after that I always liked him and things developed...but now I don't know where they are going. We essentially live together; he keeps some of his stuff in the share apt. but we are together every night. He hasn't moved any more of his stuff over claiming that the place is too small for him to bring over more stuff. His little boy came here a couple of times, but now he only goes to the wife's house every other night until ten or eleven. Sometimes he comes back smelling like he's had a glass or two of wine. I was the first one to say "i love you" and he tells me that he's just so confused he doesn't know what the future holds. I did find out completely by accident that he is paying half of his wife's therapy bills (he says she has a lot of issues. What's going on? I really like this guy. There's nothing I wouldn't do for him. he's sweet and funny and I know his marriage really put him thru the wringer. What do you think???

[Mun]

Hi Rocky,

I'm sorry to say, but it looks like you got this guy at a low point in his life. I think he was on the rebound. Your feelings and your intentions were real and genuine, but his were all messed up.

 

He may or may not be getting back with the wife, but I think you should be thinking about you right now. For your own peace of mind I think you should stop living with him. I know that's hard to do, but it's going to hurt much more if you continue and get more attached to him and he eventually goes back with the wife or moves on. He is "confused" because you are a sweet woman and have been very good to him, but he doesn't know how he feels about you. Am I right?

 

I may be wrong, but I think the reason he doesn't know about the future is because everything was handed to him. He didn't have to work for this relationship--it just happened to him--and so it has no special value(yet).

 

You can be a caring and loving friend to him right now, but for your own sanity you should pull back. Give him the chance to get his life in order and either fix things with his wife or get a divorce. It's not fair to you to live in limbo like this.

 

Good luck

[Rockymountainhigh]

He tells me how nice I am to him and how much better I treat him than his wife though...Ijust have to believe if i keep showing him kindness and support and always let him know that I'm there, i'll be okay...but what's up with him paying for his wife's therapy?

[RayKay]

Rocky - he is probably paying for her therapy in part as they are married, that commitment is still there - maybe because he can still love her/care for her even though they are not together, and for his child's sake as well.

 

I am not sure what will happen with him, his wife, and you, but it is possible that both of them might want to follow through on their vows (through good times and bad) and for their son as well. Even if you and him do stay together, they have a child, so she will ALWAYS be part of his (and yours as well if you are together) life.