the day i stopped blaming myself

[ferna3069]

well yesterday was my first step today is the day i go with out blaming myself for everything. as many of you know when the break up first happened all i ever did up until now is blame myself. all i would think about is i mest everything up. i came here to change for the better. i thought all this time i was a terrible person because thats how they made me feel.

two or three days after the break up. my ex gfs mom called. and told me off. on things only my ex and i knew. my ex never sat me down to tell me what hurt her feelings.and her mom never gave me a chance to explain.all this time i saw it as she never told me it hurt her.she hurt my feelings when i said that.i take resposibilyt for the things i did.but couldnt help and feel that everything was my fault.

 

i made the mistake of giving the a clue about me posting online. i just wanted to tell my side.well guess what they found it.well her mom also found my fake yahoo account . where i posted in yahoo answers that i felt used. the account had a different name. and well this is when everything opened my eyes. her mom answerd one of my questions on yahoo.started saying a whole bunch of things that arnt true.thats when i realised wait i felt bad about everything but her saying lies like that pretty much set me free. because the thing that where on that list never happened. so the things that she told me of on when the break up first happened. happened but there was more than was ever told.

that same day her mom called me four times in a row. i dont answerr my brother tells me they call two more times while hes working. and then they call my moms phone. i get mad and say its childish and dumb that her mom was doing that. my ex and i later talk and gets mad that i said that on here also gets mad that i posted my feelings on here. she said i sounded bitter. when all i was doing was talking like normal. i wasnt even acting nonchalent or however u spell it. all the bitterness i ever had i put on this site. i was just a happy person. at this point i see that its sad that she couldnt respect my healing by getting mad that i came on this site for support.she can get mad all she wants. but hey not a single soul here even knows who she is.last time me and her talked i confronted her about what her mom said. and all she told me was . mom was talking about something else. what something else there is not somehting else. for the ones that never read it this is what was said. and why i got mad at the time. il admit the mash potatos one was true. but thats all she really has on me.

 

 

for everyone that has believed all of these lies, shame on you!!!!!!!! here is the real truth. Ben which is really last name here, he was welcomed in my home, paid for nothing & was treated with love and respect broke all of that when he betrayed my daughters trust. became very controlling, he actually became very upset when my daughter would not make him mashed potatoes for dinner. started calling her all kinds of names wanted to sleep in her bed every night and actually got mad when my husband and I said we didnt want that to happen. People break up alll the time and it is never one sided, you need to get over this and move on. You want to act like such a man on the computer but dont have a license, still live at home and want to blame your dad for all your problems. Another thing, if you want to talk about me do it to my face, I am 41 years old and getting real tired of this. My daughter has changed for the better, she is not living with a stepmother that hates her and has her freedom now. Thank you for your time and believe this, i am praying for all of you that have been getting sucked in to this crap!!!!!!

[Tired Tiger]

Dude - I say this as constructively as possible - let it go!

 

You've posted this same thing several times over multiple threads, knowing full well that there's a possibility that she and/or her mom will be reading it. The dead horse has been fully and completely beaten at this point. Let. It. Go.

[ferna3069]

Dude - I say this as constructively as possible - let it go!

 

You've posted this same thing several times over multiple threads, knowing full well that there's a possibility that she and/or her mom will be reading it. The dead horse has been fully and completely beaten at this point. Let. It. Go.

 

multiple threads? this is the second thread i posted this on. and its becasie i feel better about everything. i was blaming myself for so many things. and if you read my other thread. it doesnt matter any more if they read it. why stop myself from venting. or feeling better about everything just so they wont get mad? i mean seriosly. i can go into detail but im not. im just happy. i just feel free. i wanted to let people know that the self blame gos away. i have nothing to hide

[Sim54]

No, but you have a lot to prove still.

[ferna3069]

No, but you have a lot to prove still.

 

what do i have to prove?

[Sim54]

Well, your innocence, seemingly. You have posted something from your ex's mum, and said a load of other stuff, in stead of just saying your happy and moving on, which is what you claim to be. That was all you needed to say.

[ferna3069]

im saying why i feel better.because my situation was crazy. i just dont feel horrible any more. if you read the post you would understand. when everything first happened i blamed myself for so much. the things i posted was the reasons why i feel better. i been here for a little while and no longer feel the need to blame myself. its just this sort of freedom that sets me to feel different.and no im not trying to talk about her mom. but she was the one who made me feel so bad when everything first happened. told me off. i felt like i was a monster for so long until this last things that happened. i just feel some form of relief

[MakeItCount]

We get it. You're letting it go. No need to throw down 4 or 5 threads posting the same stuff over and over again. That just shows you're not letting it go.

 

LET IT GO.

[ferna3069]

i am letting go. i just been feeling so much better about everything. i hit rock bottom at one point.and the reason i post it is because im happy. im happy i can post it and mean it.after been in this dark place for so long and letting all this bad enery go . i feel happy. im just proud of myself that i finally feel this. like i said erlier its more of a relief i have. its like after all of this im just going to help people out here on ena. im going to go to school be the doctor i want to be. im going to be there for my family. i just never been in a situation like this. and im just happy im letting go.

[ferna3069]

and by the way sorry if this posting threads bothers you. but after not feeling like im going to ever get over this. and finally finally finally feeling better about it im proud. im happy. im happy i dont feel the need to get advice for>> i feel like i did this or that wrong. im proud about my healing. and finally feel like i can post this. so yeah wether its one time two times ten times that i posted this. im just happy that i see a light out of this dark tunnel. in my last break up it was so much easier.i loved the girl in my last break up. but after almost getting killed after this break up, having an allergy attack. finding out im not getting the job i was promised.finding out that there is a war in the middle of the city where my grandma lives in , and feeling like im a monster . i feel so happy that i feel like telling the world. i hit rock bottom like i never thought i ever would. i think i whent past that lol. i just see the light now. i just see i can dig myself out of all of this.if it bothers you like i said im sorry but me posting it isnt for you or them to judge my feelings. but once everything gos wrong and u see this tiny bit of light then that tiny bit of light turns into the exit you feel relief. yeah i know there is mistakes i made. and you can say you brought some on this to yourself but im happy and thats all there is to it