"I am" on the spot written.. rought first.

[nsomnia912]

Im so torn...if only I had been more patient...more understanding...

" I'm moving on..I'm happy" that is haunting me....I want to say I don't want you to move on...I'm getting better I know I've messed up...I know I did...i want to fix it..I want you back..

 

I am sorrow

 

I can't stop crying.....tonight is horrible..there is no sleep..only thought...please god...please..anyone...anything....what I will give for another chance...what I would do for a moment..just a moment of a release from these thoughts....I beg you life for a reprievment....

 

I take it all back...please! Please dont be with him!

 

Sob ....i lay here dying inside...you care not for who i am...you see a demon you had to escape... I see nothing but tears..

 

I miss you... Im sorry...I just want you back...ill give it all up for one more moment...

 

I am heartbreak

 

 

Please I implore a miracle.

 

This is my darkest hour!

 

I dare say nothing to you in fear of the paralyzing cruelty your now capable of.

 

I'm reaching for you... dying..will you not extend just a finger?

 

I now weap...I throw up...

 

In panic of purgatory...I do not end it...i invite both black and white to take me...by grace of a loving hand. Or by the cold icy grasp of death....

I lay here..I won't close my eyes, I cannot afford to miss you....

 

Please take me.....please end me...

 

I am desperate

 

i care nothong for luxuries..for finances or power....

The warm feel of another woman shall be a cold souless being against your compare..

 

I care nothing for health.

Nor food

Nor wine

 

I care for you....

 

I am losing

 

I am dying I am evil...i would gain your trust and love again....and once i show you the true meaning of love..of life..and the rapture of it all....

 

I will rip it from you!

Leaving you as a pumpkin a week past eve...

Hollow...candle that can barely muster a flick...a twitch... Rotting away sinking to a side....the once lit face, barley forms an image....only a terror that is not long for another day..maybe 2 ???

 

I am evil...I am revenge.

 

I hate you! Your are a disease in my blood....

I am stone...I am rock

I will not bleed for you..I will not wallow for you

I am better than you.

You are benieth me you peasant!

You shall find the gallows...and you shall burn.

You I shall rule your torment in hell!

 

I AM DARKNESS!!!!!

 

I admit defeat...to weak to breathe

To dead to see

I hear the wind

I cry again...I feel warm

I feel my heart dropping

I feel my demise

I take a deep breath

And slowly i rise

 

I wipe my tears.

I cast aside my fears

I tell myself its ok

I'm convinced to soldier another day

I find the hope. As hard as it may be

I come to my senses..i finally can see.

 

I am acceptance

 

Theres a better future

 

I am hopeful

 

My heart pumps again

My chest filled with breath

My body moves

I'm so tired...so very tired..

It's over now..I will live on

And i will find a new life...

And fill it with love and peace.

And someone new

 

I am redemption.