My girlfriend finally opened up...

[Running Child]

So, for some time now I've known my girlfriend has had a 'problem' with her step-dad, but I was never positive what, and couldn't bring myself to ask, incase I was way off the truth.

 

Anyway, finally, after hours of talking, she opened up (through no forcing on my part) as to what the problem was. The reason for my writing on this forum is that I really need help. Although I've had what I see as a fairly experience-rich life, I haven't delt with things like this, and I really want to know how to help her as much as I can.

 

The story, if anyone is interested (you can gloss over this part if you want), goes something like this: when she was 12, her mother and step-dad were coming in late one night. She pretended to be asleep, as she thought they would be angry if they knew she was awake. Her step-dad came in, to check if she was asleep. While he was there, he patted her lightly a little, and stroked her privates through the covers. She didn't think a lot of it at the time, being naive. However, this went on, and got worse. Then, occasionally, he would accidently brush her lower areas while walking around, even when his own (from his ex-wife) children were there. She still didn't think too much about it until she found a camera in her room one day. She took the tape out, and took it straight to her mother. They all sat down and watched it. He made up an excuse and they went on with their lives. A few months later, she found another camera in her room, this time, hidden better, and it was attached to the lighting circuit (it would record when the light was turned on). She once again took the tape to her mother, and her mother confronted the step-dad. He admitted that he was infatuated with the child, but was trying to be better. The mother (who is in a high-stress job, and has alcoholic tendencies and perhaps an addictive personality), couldn't bring herself to kick out the step-dad. So, he stayed with them, and has been there for the next 5 years. Occasionally she gets worried that he might be starting to act up again, and more recently, coinciding with her sunbathing in the garden more because of all the sun, a 'security' camera has been set up in the back-garden. She went inside one day to find the camera footage on his computer screen. Now, the step-dad is going to become a tech-teacher in a nearby school.

 

Now, I'm supportive and loving, that isn't a problem - but I want to know if there is more I could do. She is only 17 now, and is taking her A-levels, and it really isn't beneficial for her to move away. She will be moving out of the country for a year next year, but for now, I don't know what to do. It's just very frustrating that she has to go home to him every day. We talked about counselling, but she isn't too keen on it. Not yet, anyway. If anyone has any advice at all, I would be so happy to hear it.

[i_hate_the_world47]

well,speaking from expierence,you cant let thi go on.I know your g/f has told you and her mother but she needs to tell someone of higher authority.Maybe the police or some other relative.Also i woudl suggest counseling but if she doesnt want to go dont force her.Right now you have to be loving and caring since she is in such a hard situation.If you need to talk you can PM me.Hope i helped.

 

~meagan~

[Kinjy]

I am so sorry to hear what your girlfriend has been through.

 

This has to be reported to the police. I understand there will be complications, but that man MUST NOT be allowed to work with children. It is bad enough that your girlfriend and her step-siblings have to be around him, and tolerate his sexual abuse. He cannot be allowed to act out his sick fantasies elsewhere.

 

Please, try to talk to your girlfriend, maybe gather together some of the video evidence and get her to make a statement at your local station. Try to stress the importance of this. If you are from the UK you will remember the recent Soham case, where a caretaker was found guilty of the murder of two young girls. It is believed they were sexually assaulted also.

 

As for your girlfriend, all I can say is she is very lucky to have such an understanding and supportive partner as you. Keep at it, She may open up and tell you more.

 

Please try to convince her to talk to the police though, people like these men should be where they deserve to be- behind bars!

 

Good Luck, and let us know how you get on.

[hurtabandoned]

This has to be reported to the police. I understand there will be complications, but that man MUST NOT be allowed to work with children. It is bad enough that your girlfriend and her step-siblings have to be around him, and tolerate his sexual abuse. He cannot be allowed to act out his sick fantasies elsewhere.

 

I fully agree here. His actions have the potential to get further out of hand if he's allowed to work with children. I understand that your girlfriend is leaving in a year so she will be out of harms way but people like this don't change. There will be a replacement somewhere once she is gone.

 

It's unfortunate that her mother doesn't have enough sense to give him the boot. There's no excusing what he is doing.