Am I really too late?

[jak34232002]

Any outside advice on my dilema would be appreciated here.

So I met this wonderful girl (we'll call her TR) almost 2 years ago. The 1st night I met her, it was randomly at a cafe/bar...I went up to her and started talking to her. She accepted my advance and then we had a nice evening together. We only kissed that first night. She was from out of town, so the next morniing I treated it like 1 night of fun with a pretty girl. That's all. I was also just getting over a break-up with an old girlfriend right before I met TR. So, TR left and we continued to keep in touch sporadically. We talked on the phone sometimes, and then we would see each other occasionally when she was in town and when I was in her area (we live about 5 hours apart). She became more enamored with me than I was with her from the beginning. I was stand-offish and kinda played the I didn't care too much card (even though I did), just played it "cool" so to speak. This seemed to increase her level of infatuation with me. Anyway, at this point, I had gotten back together with my ex-girlfriend and TR was also seeing someone else. But the 2 of us continued to talk and see each other even though we were both involved with other people. We both struggled with this. We were confused, and we felt bad that we were cheating. But we always felt good together and we kept doing it. We just couldn't talk ourselves out of it when we saw each other. So, eventually things with TR's boyfriend end, but I am still with my ex-girlfriend. TR comes to visit me, and one night she professes her love to me. I was shocked, but touched. I was not on that level yet, but she layed her heart on the line to me. I was gentle, but I didn't know what to say really. I wasn't in love with her, but I did the best I could to treat that moment with respect. I think you will see, based on what I have written, that TR from the beginning was always the one who liked more. I did (and still do) really like her, but because I had another girlfriend at the time I was confused and my feelings were not all in check. And I never cheated on any of my girlfriends until this time with TR--somehow she was the exception.)

So TR and I continue to have sporadic relations and eventually I break up with my ex-girlfriend again. Now I am not tied to anyone. But the realtionship I ended with my Ex was an on-and-off-again realtionship that lasted 4 years. It was difficult to end that, and I needed time to put closure on it all. So after my break up I was in contact with TR, I continued my stand-offish ways with her and she continued to look at me with those big eyes and almost hung on every word that I spoke. After the break up I invited TR to spend the weekend with me. We had an amazing time. Amazing. But I never expressed my feelings to her. I never told her that I had fallen for her. I never told her that I still needed some space to get over my last relationship, I needed time to heal and gather my strength and heart back to give to her. I didn't tell her any of this. I think I didn't tell her because I just assumed that she would wait for me to sort out my feelings. Now, I realize that was my mistake, and it was selfish. I didn't communicate at all to her how I felt about her at this point, and how I was gaining my self back every day in order to give back to her. So, she left that weekend...I kissed her goodbye.

So after that we continued to talk, but we never saw each other over the course of the next 2 months--we talked about meeting up, but between our work schedules we just couldn't make it happen. Now, (5 months after my break up with the old girlfriend) I finally feel ready to enter a new relationship. I remember I woke up one day and I knew I was ready to give back. I was ready to give myself and my heart back to TR. My gut and my instintcs told me (and I felt it too) that I was healed from my past relationship; I had finally put closure on it and I was ready to move on, to move on for TR, to give her everything a beautiful woman deserved. I was ready to be a man for he, tell her everything I felt about her, make her feel safe, protect her, show her everything. I was so ready.

So, at this point, I knew I had to do something special for her. So I sent her some beautiful flowers and had them delivered to her work; it was a surprise of course. So the next day, after she got the flowers, she called me and told me how wonderful they were. I heard her say that, and I was thinking, wow, she loved them, I made her happy, I'm so glad because I do not want to let her go. I was so grateful at that point. I thought I had her.

That was over a weekend (on a Saturday) and on Sunday I was busy with my family so I called her that night when I had time to give her my full attention. But she didn't answer. I left a message and then I didn't hear from her for almost 5 days. So then I was really confused...I was thinking, she loved the flowers...why hasn't she called me back? I called her and left a few more messages, but still, no return call from TR. Something didn't seem right in all of this. So finally I got a hold of her, and I had to block my number when I called her to get her to answer. I felt so lousy doing that, being sneaky like that, but that was the only way I could get a hold of her. So we talked and she pretty much told me that I was too late with the flowers. She said I should have told her how I felt when I saw her 2 months ago. She said that if i had sent her those flowers 3 months ago she would have been like, "i'm so in love with him." that's exactly what she told me. She said that when she left me last she had an amazing weekend with me, but that she started to let go because I was pretty much indifferent the whole time and didn't tell her that i appreciated her, and that I had feelings for her. It was sad to hear her say I was too late. I accepted her words though, and I didn't plead with her or beg her. I kept the conversation short and ended it with class. I needed a night to reflect on what happened. So the next day, I bravely picked up the phone, called her back (she didn't answer) and I left a message stating that I was glad she was honest with me, and that all I wanted now was a chance to say goodbye to her, that's all. Just one return phone call from her so I could tell her goodbye and put closure on everything. I didn't want to say goodbye to her, but I didn't want to force anything either, and I didn't want to beg her to give me another chance. I can respect people's decisions and their space. So, it's been about 4 days now since I left that message and she hasn't called me back yet. I made it clear in my message to her that all I wanted was a chance to say goodbye and then after that she would never have to hear from me again (and I meant that). I wanted (and still do) to bow out gracefully, like a man, like a gentleman. Regardless, I would still want a chance to be with her and care for her but she doesn't seem to want to me anymore.

I still can't tell if she still has feelings for me or if she really has moved on in order to protect herself?

So my question to all of you is: do you think I really am too late? Do I still have a chance to reclaim her? Ladies out there, what do you think is going through her head at this point? Is she not calling me back because she is still thinking about whether or not to let me back into her life? Does she need more time to think? Did she meet someone else? I have not tried to call her for 4 days, but I have composed a beautiful letter to her stating and expressing my deepest feelings and thoughts on all that has transpired bewteen us. Should i send that to her or wait to hear from her first?

I am confused, and I would be grateful to anyone who had any thoughts on this.

From a man who is ready to sweep TR off of her feet and make her the happiest woman in the world.

[jak34232002]

anyone have any thoughts on this?

[RayKay]

No, I don't think you are too late, but it will take some time and some work on your part since she probably either has, or has convinced herself to move on. However, if there was a spark there before it can be brought back. It is only ever "too late" in certain circumstances, and in yours, I don't think it is, she has just forced herself to believe it is or something.

 

Just make sure you want her for her, not just because she is now "unavailable"!

 

It will take some patience, and you are going to have to figure out what she "needs" and "wants" which might not be same and start the seduction. Develop the friendship and gain her trust, build from there. Show through your actions you care about her, but be aloof too (a bit of hard to get, but not too much!).

 

Sorry it took so long to get a reply, might just be cause your post is so long! If you have any specific questions though, please ask.

[jak34232002]

Thank you for your words RayKay. I do apprecite your time and your insight. I truly hope that I am not too late.

[storm]

i just wanted to ask something , you said quite alot about how your stand off attitude with her seemed to inflame her love for you , maybe that is what she finds so attractive about you , so im wondering if laying it on to thick could work in reverse ? wow dilema good luck x

[jak34232002]

yes, i totally realize that. that's why i did not beg her to reconsider at the end. however, in our last conversation her complaint was (and she doesn't complain often) was that i never told her back then how i felt, i never expressed any sentiement. that she felt that i did not appreciate her. that's why i wrote the letter...i expressed my feelings to her while at the same time stating to her that i repsected and her space and decisions, but also that i'm not afraid to move forward without her. the letter is not sappy nor too thick...it's just honest and really straightforward with romantic undertones, (but i haven't mailed it yet).

i'm just trying to figure out why she hasn't called me back yet? i simply left her a message 4 days ago stating that if i was too late, then i needed to say goodbye to her to put closure on this. that's an honrable request, wouldn't you think?...one last return call to me so i can say goodbye to her.

why has she not returned my phone call? does she need time to think about everything? or is she just procrastinating? hiding from the issue?

 

Any help or insight on this from anyone out there would be greatly appreciated!

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Anyone?

[storm]

its very difficult to know whats going on in her mind , but given the history that youve told us i would say the chances are shes considering her options with regard to you.

 

you have made the move and now the ball is in her court , if you dont get any reply then i would post that letter and walk away the best you can , that way she knows how you feel , she can see you do mean alot to her , she has all the information.