Found old email from my fiance to an ex

[slc333]

Last night, my fiance inadvertantly left her email account open on our computer. I wasn't going to snoop, but I saw she had received some emails from a guy she used to date a couple of years ago. I could not resist the urge to look at these emails... so I did. Through my searching, I found a draft of an email she either sent, or was going to send to this guy back in what I think is October 2003. At that point, we had been dating 6 months and saying "I love you" etc. Anyway, the email said something to this effect "Hi, I got your message. It really meant a lot to me. I tried to respond but your box must have been full. LOVE, *****"

 

So here were are engaged, and I read this old email to this ex that she wrote while we were supposedly in love. Anyway, I confronted her about it, and she acted like it was no big deal. Eventually she was crying saying that she loves me and only me. But I don't know. I know she hasn't had much contact with this guy in awhile now. I saw a couple old emails from him back in November - December. Anyway, I just feel a bit betrayed.

 

She said that she does not remember typing the email. She did not look at it or read it last night after I saw this old email.

 

 

Also, the draft does not have a year on it. It just said Oct 2nd. There was no mention of a year, so I guess it is possible it could have been an old, old email. But there were only like 2 saved drafts in her drafts box in Hotmail. And this was one of them. And shortly after this draft, I saw a small string of emails in her inbox from this guy in Nov. and Dec.

 

Anybody have a take on this? I don't know how to react to this. I feel like this guy is probably in her past now, but it doesn't remove the fact that she was having this intiamte contact with this guy while we were supposedly involved. I'm just kind of confused. And I don't know if there is a way for me to fully know if this email was written last October, or a couple years ago before we met. You see, the email was a draft she was writing. I don't know if she sent it or not. Usually there is the sent information at the top of the email in Hotmail. So I don't know what to do. Any advice out there?

[Rosa]

draft copies are usually letters you are obviously working on, and you haven't sent them, so she probalby never sent them, you should try it yourself, write a message, and close out the mail system, the program will ask if you wanna save it as draft, then you click yes, and that's how its stored, the moment you open the program again and you got to draft, the message is there, then if you finish typing the letter, you press send, and the message will move from draft to sent box, and you will see a time and date the message was sent, so the message was never sent.......

cut her a little break, but you still need an explanation of why she even thought of writing that message, I can tell you one thing though, you can;t forget someone that you were in love with is six months, although she might have told you she loved you, she was probalby still in love with him, (at that time)...its not easy letting go, wheter it was oct, nov, dec, she is now with you, and is your future wife, keep an open mind about this situation, is not as bad as it seems, I hope she learns her lesson though, the truth ALWAYS comes out no matter what,

you already confronted her, if this is someone you are thinking of spendind the rest of your life with, you gotta be a friend and give her the benefit of the doubt, there will be a lot more difficult issues coming your way in a marriage, like, kids, drugs and kids, finances, and future trust issues that should be dealt with maturity.

so don't make it a BIG DEAL, but it should be a deal to discuss without jealosy getting in the way.

that's just my opinion.

hope it helps you...

[single30]

The email was harmless. People come and go in our lives, and sometimes its nice to check in. My husband and I are getting a divorce and we email every day. He's a good friend, always will be. I care for him and say things that are very similar to what your girl wrote. Doesn't mean a thing.

She accepted your proposal, she loves you, you are going to have to trust her. She has not given you any reason not to. You on the other hand, have broken her trust and need to work on restoring that.

[Dezeard]

Things like this happened to me. When my gf left me, and we got back together, I found out that she liked the guy a few months after we started dating, and I had no clue.

 

It's really hard when you don't know what other people are thinking. You could be having a perfect time, when all along maybe they could not even like you, for instance.

 

Harsh world..

[Rosa]

I don't think you have broken her trust, lets not go that far, I mean, I'm a true believer that everytning happens for a reason, and that mailbox was open because it needed to come out in the open, and so it did, he hasn't done anything ANYBODY ELSO WOULDN'T DO, you are gonna tell me you have never been sooo tempted? I lived with by ex for 1 yr, and one day I decided to look for our old pictures, because I bought a picture frame, so I look in his drawer, and found a love poem from his ex that looked pretty recent, stating how in love she still was, and remincing the good times, and who knows if she hand delivered, there was no envelope, and I had gone thru that drawer a couple of weeks berfore and NEVER saw that letter, and so i knew it was something recent, and I confronted him about it, and he tried to play that " you have violated my privacy crap" I was like what? so I live here, i know what's in every drawer in the kitchen, and all around the house, and everywhere around, and NOW your gonna tell me i can''t go thru this drawer because NOW I HAVE VIOLATED YOUR PRIVACY???

THST'S JUST THE REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY, and the guilty conscience, of him getting caught trying to hide something.

why didn't he tell me about the letter, and ok fine he thought I didn;t need to know, but, so why did he play that you have invaded my privacy crap, when we live together, I can understand if we just started dating, and I just happened to visit him, and snooped, that's not right, but give me a break guy,

to say the least, we are not together anymore, for many other factors,

just my two cents...

[slc333]

Give me a break on the breaking her trust thing. She didn't take it like that. Nor should she. And I broached the subject in a very controlled straight forward manner. I'm not angry. Just puzzled. I can't help but feel a bit betrayed. When you're in a serious relationship, you don't expect your girlfriend to be telling other guys she loves them. And this guy was someone she had broken up with after dating for two months almost a year or more before she met me. Sorry. That isn't straight in my book.

 

I mean, I feel comfortable that this guy is most likely out of her life, but if I had known about this at the time, who knows what would have happened. Who knows if they met during this time. Who knows? So now I get to live with that. Wondering if she's still in love with another guy. Wishing she had him instead of me.

 

I don't know. It just complicates things for me. I mean, I'm not going around telling other girls I'm in love with them. I'm sure she would have questions if she stumbled accross some love letter I wrote to some girl. Y'all seem to be saying to disregard this like it is nothing. I wish it was that easy. trust is already a very fragile thing for me. This certainly does not help. Here I am thinking all is well and right with our world. Then I find that she was playing two sides of the fence.

 

I don't know. I just don't like the way this feels.

[Francis]

You certainly have the right to know who you are dealing with. It is possible that she wrote these emails before you guys started dating, or even after six months because she missed her former boyfriend and that now she decided that you are the man of her life.

 

However, if this is the case, why did she tell you that she forgot writing them? She could have said that she wrote them way back, before you two were together, or she could have said, that yes she emailed him for a while, until December, but now she has realized that she loves you and not him.

 

In order to reassure you, she could have taken the initiative to show you all these emails, their content, to reassure you and show you that there is nothing to be worried about.

 

But the fact that she pretended having forgotten is suspicious, also the fact that she did not say these were old emails. I believe you should keep your eyes open and not sweep the problem under the carpet. You never know what's going on.

 

Take care!

[Luciana]

Rosa, I agree with you.

Years ago when I started dating my fiance, he told me he still loved his ex-wife (who had cheated on him more than once). That was red flag number one. The next few months, I knew he would go pick up his daughter at her house and would always stay there (unnecessarily so) for a while. I knew they had intimate talks and he carelessly told me the had mande fun together of his previous GF. So I knew they were both analyzing his new relationship (me). Third, he started getting colder and colder with me, and he insinuated she was alone (not dating anyone) and would like him back.

That did it.

He went abroad on a business trip. After 3 days there he never called me nor left me his hotel number. So I decided to call this woman and find out what was going on. I did not want to be made a fool. I needed an excuse to call her and I said I wanted to know if he had left a contact information. SHe was extremely nasty to me and told me things about me and him that were very intimate, which meant they talked about intimate things, and then she said he had sent an email offering her a "back rub" and that they had had dinner together just a few days before his trip. I was devastated!!

When he finally called me, I told him I had talked with the ex-wife and that I had learned about the "back rub" offer (which is the same as proposing sex). He was super mad at me and didn't call me for the rest of the trip.

When he came back, he continued laying the guilt on me, saying I had opened a can of worms, that I should never have contacted her, etc.

I always refused that argument. I am GLAD I called her, because I wanted to know what was going on. And I did. It hurt me a lot because those days he defended her so much.

She's remarried now and living in another state.

This happened 5 years ago, and he seems really over her. But this story made me not trust him. I still have trust issues with him. I am always careful. I snoop, if I have to. Better than being fooled.

[Luciana]

slc, if she doesn't tell you the whole story, go right to the source: ask the guy.

[Jennyve21]

The girl sounds like she was talking to him like he was a friend. And if any guy ever got that possesive over me I would think twice about marrying him. Not to be cruel or harsh but it sounds like she was being friendly, and it is not a happy relationship when your going to make her cry for something that happened so long ago. If she is marrying you then what have you got to worry about?