How to stop being jaded

[MissingSparkle]

When my ex and i use to be in contact he use to tell me he loves me but i'm never going to change, thats why he can't be with me. He said when his friends use to ask him if he could see a life with me he said yes but she's never going to change. The thing he claimed i'll never change is when i get angry or feel offended i say mean things, some of the worst. He said i have no self control when it comes to my emotions. Of course i don't believe this is true. I have doubts that even if i was to control myself he still wouldn't make a commitment to me and keep dragging me along.

 

Recently he's been in contact with me and keeps saying "i wish we weren't so jaded because i miss you so much." i feel like you guys are just going to tell me, worry about your healing, focus on you, just go out and do things and don't worry about him, its going to take time...blah blah blah

 

But I seriously want to know, is there ever a real way to stop being jaded?

[soul_soother]

Well rather then tell you to focus on yourself, going out, and not worrying about things, you should honestly look at this post. This entire post is "he claimed this" and "I'm angry and feel offended i say mean things, some of the worst" you instantly reply with I dont believe any of this. You go on to say you dont care about what other people on this forum say besides what you want to hear. Might want to think about that first and the legitimacy behind his statements.

[Ms Darcy]

I agree with soul.

[MissingSparkle]

Of course I care about what people say on here, thats why i do reach out and seek advice. i tried those things mentioned above but they haven't been helpful to me, because i can't shake the feeling that there still is hope for my ex and i if i simply show him that things could be better. I do understand that he has a real basis for the things he feels, but things aren't always so cut and dry, obviously that would be a lengthy post. so i was seeking general advice towards having a jaded outlook on things and if things could or could not ever be changed. When we were in our bad period, it got really stressful and a lot of the mean things i said had truth basis, which made it hurtful to him but things that needed changing and to be eventually discussed anyway.

[AutumnBorn]

Sparkle, of course things can change, but it starts with you. I think you have to change how you act and react. The only thing we can control is ourselves. It takes personal insight, an honest assessment of our shortcomings and behaviors. We all have faults. At some time we all fall and fail. By taking responsibility for ourselves, we can absolutely create better relationships for ourselves.

 

Perhaps finding the root cause of the static between the two of you would help in resolving the issues. I've learned a great deal from Al Turtle.

 

The site is a little meandering, so I'd like to point you to a couple of places that I think may be important for you to read: link removed

 

Here's the beginning: link removed

 

And here's the section on empathy, which I think is something most people could get a lot out of: link removed

 

I hope the two of you can find a way to make things work. There are enough of us here in emotional hell. Quite crowded, actually.

[MissingSparkle]

I hope the two of you can find a way to make things work. There are enough of us here in emotional hell. Quite crowded, actually.

lol thanks autumn