Here goes, this is my healing journal

[Timefornc]

Hey all, been reading the site since I was thrown away properly six weeks ago. Have tried to get her back, crazy amounts of emails because it's the only contact details I kept. Facebook and telephone numbers gone a long time ago.

Honestly, I did/do want her back but it won't happen now thanks In part to my emails but I think she had made her mind up already.

 

I digress, anyway i have read the site and agreed with all the great replies to other people in my position and then go away and send another email. She has been cold throughout and now simply ignores me.

 

So, I read jonesy healing journal last night and my situation not half as tough as his (I will never see my ex about) and have decided I need to make myself accountable and write any crazy stuff I wanna say here. She has heard it all anyway so I know I am just repeating myself .

 

So my day 1. Gonna stick to it this time, she ain't worth my pain

[Timefornc]

God, when I think of the time I have wasted on this woman, spilling My heart over and over. And getting nothing back. How could everything seem so right and the next day it's over? And why should I just have to accept that?

[deeplongbreath]

God, when I think of the time I have wasted on this woman, spilling My heart over and over. And getting nothing back. How could everything seem so right and the next day it's over? And why should I just have to accept that?

 

Yes you do, at least for now (avoid any thoughts of what your future may be like, my 3 quids piece of advice). Go on with your writing down. I started mine today and hope it will help.

[Timefornc]

Yes you do, at least for now (avoid any thoughts of what your future may be like, my 3 quids piece of advice). Go on with your writing down. I started mine today and hope it will help.

 

Yea, your 3 quid is right. I have come to terms that my future doesn't include her, and after the way she has been, I'm happy about it. I wish u the best, we can beat this!!

[Timefornc]

Its near the end of the evening, don't feel too bad. Bit irritable, and I thinkthat's all its been, me getting irritated and saying the same things over.

 

What would I say if I sent her an email? I love you, i miss you, I want you back. Just wasted words on a wasted person. She don't care.

[jonesyjakk]

Hey time,

 

thanks for taking the time for reading my journal, that means alot. thank you. since i find it very hard to talk, making the journal has been the best thing i ever did initially i was writing a diary, and i got fed up of writing in it every day, and then i found ena and ive been writing since....! if you stick to this, and truly want to heal, this is the best place for you....you gotta want to heal, everyone heals at their own pace, jot everything down, everything, miss nothing out.....and when you get to a certain point you can look back and see how far you have come.

 

I wish you the very best of luck, i wish you happiness beyond comprehension and i look forward to reading your journal as you have read mine. if ever i can offer you any advice or help...dont hesitate to contact me!

 

jonesy

[Timefornc]

Your Truly a diamond mate. I do want to heal. I done the pleading and whatever which lots of people have said won't workin getting her back and How I see it now, is it makes no difference what I did - pleaded, blamed her, blamed me, nc, lc or any other, she would have come back if she loved me.

She doesn't deserve my time, she left me after I flipped my life around for her and she has not had a second thought. So this journal and nc is all about me!

[Timefornc]

I dont care what your up to, I don't care who your with. Maybe you have moved on, I don't care. As selfish as it is, I care only your not with me. I care that after all the things you said you didn't have the bottle to try and work things out. I did nothing wrong. We both became complacent, but we was both happy with where we were going. You had every opportunity. Your were needy but I let it go. You were moany, I let it go. We all have flaws, and you leave without a discussion or a chance to work things out - f@@@ you!

I still believe the old you was the one for me, Christ only knows who you have become.

Right now, you are the one who has lost out. I know what I want.

[ladyninja30]

Nobody should ever be worth pain, but sadly the human heart wants what it wants. I'll gladly sit here and read your journaled thoughts because I know exactly how you feel. I saw a future with my ex even though we were only a couple for 8 months. In that time I had fallen head over heels for him and this is what happened. having a hard time

I agree with you all and it does hurt and take time to heal. My ex and I were together only 8 months, but even in that time I realized he was someone I had fallen in love with and wanted a future with. He hung out with my family, came with me to my sister's wedding, spent about 200 bucks on everything for my birthday and then out of nowhere (seriously nowhere, our sex life was great, we got along fine, nothing seemed out of place at all in our relationship) he cheated on me with her.

It's taken me a while but I'm in a better place than I was in June when he first cheated and left me for this girl who manipulates and controls him, she isn't remotely attractive. I found this out because he changed his relationship status on facebook within 1 week after leaving me..yep 1 week. I said to his brother..what the hell? I learned from his brother that she had already been over at the house the next day or so after I was out. I was devastated to have learned that she'd been right there for about a month while he was still seeing me. I still hurt from this everyday although it's very slowly getting better after almost a year. I don't think I will ever understand why when a man gets cheated on and he himself gets so bent about it, why then do they not realize it will hurt someone else exactly the same way?! Don't they realize that the only thing worse than being lied to is knowing you weren't worth the truth.

 

If anyone could ever answer that question..I'd love to hear the answer.

 

(sorry I realize some of the details are redundant, I posted it somewhere else in this forum and thought it was just easier to copy it)

[Timefornc]

That's a tough time. I have asked many questions and even at this point I realise I dont want or care about the answers. I asked for two reasons, one to speak to her and second so that I can take her reasons and argue why they are wrong. She made her decision and she can live with it, better or worse.

Maybe their guilty conscience is eating them up and they can't handle the truth or telling us it? Cowards way out.

You are so better off without him. I owe my ex that much, at least she ended it before she cheated on me

[ladyninja30]

I didn't mean to take the sympathy away from btw. I very much sympathize with you as well. Like I said, I'll gladly sit here and read any of your journaled thoughts. I'm also on a healing mission to find my lost self esteem after seeing and hearing about this nasty woman I was left for...seriously it was one of those things where all I could do was go eew really? THAT's what I was left for?! I think once the hurt goes away I'll realize that everyone is right and I am better off without him.

[Timefornc]

You were the light in my world that could make me smile with only your presence. Noone has ever had that effect on me.

The mornings suck. When I realise I have not heard from you in another 24 hours, will I ever? What could you possibly have been thinking?

[Timefornc]

I realise I lack will power and patience. Finally found something to take away from this break up that I can work on. I need to stop thinking she owes me anything.

[Timefornc]

I still wanna send emails, it's madness. 24 hours a day contact to absolute zip. How can she be moving on, having a great time, and probably met someone and I feel like this. 2 months ago we were on the same page, now, she has finished the book and started on volume 2. I just can't let go. That's the problem. And I really want too

[Timefornc]

Kinda messed up already. I got a response to my previous emails. So back to square one.

[jonesyjakk]

keep going time.......ride with it

 

 

jonesy

[Timefornc]

I got no other choice mate. Day 1 tomorrow. I am going to beat this. She doesn't deserve my pain

[jonesyjakk]

you got a good attitude and that will stand you well for getting through this

 

 

jonesy

[Timefornc]

Just wish I was like this six weeks ago, and I wouldn't look like a nutter. U just can't help who u fall for

[Dryyoureyes]

Just wish I was like this six weeks ago, and I wouldn't look like a nutter. U just can't help who u fall for

yes true, but you will know in the future. it´s not only about healing but learning about mistakes and improving a little bit. keep it up. in the same boat as you. day 6 today. it´s hard to not check what she is doing but i am working on it and its slowly getting there.....day after day. Started with sports again, went out on the weekend. Trying to earm my own respect again and getting back to who I was before the rl.

[Timefornc]

yes true, but you will know in the future. it´s not only about healing but learning about mistakes and improving a little bit. keep it up. in the same boat as you. day 6 today. it´s hard to not check what she is doing but i am working on it and its slowly getting there.....day after day. Started with sports again, went out on the weekend. Trying to earm my own respect again and getting back to who I was before the rl.

 

True mate. I'm not checking on her, just want her back. Done trying to convince her and realise it will only be possible by her own admission and really want it less and less each day. I want it to be my choice on whether it happens or not

[jonesyjakk]

Mate,

 

dont ever regret begging her back ever....no matter how bad you feel ok mate.....if you read my journal you will know i begged my ex, and you will also know i stripped for her too, you wanna talk about looking like an idiot beat that sh111t right there...i will tell you the story if you want but at the end of the day i was naked (together nearly 9 years so not like she hadnt seen me naked before) but lets not even go down the dignity route....at the end of the day i dont regret it, i loved her.

 

i would genuinely died for her.....and i guess you feel that way too, dont ever regret, just learn.....and you will be so much better for that. I have some wondwerful stories about begging my ex back i will tell my son one day over a nice cold beer...and we will laugh and if he is anything like me will take the mick out of me forever!

 

so dont worry, dont stress, you are on ya track, the right track, youre on the path to healing...so many people on here just wont take telling no matter how much advice you give em...and they end up on here all the time moaning and moaning and moaning cos they just dont listen....you seem like you got it screwed on dude..keep it that way....as i always tell my kid....look where ya going and not where ya been.....!

 

peace and love

 

 

jonesy

[Timefornc]

Nobody can say say we didn't f@&kin try. They quit and didn't want to make it work. Ultimately they are going to end up lonely for thier decisions, not us. I don't really regret what I have done, I think that if she loved me I could have done anything and she would have come back. If she doesn't realise its because I love her she's a f@£kin idiot.

Cheers though mate, your reply has lifted my spirits coz since then you come so far

[jonesyjakk]

keep going dont ever quit!

 

jonesy

[Timefornc]

Day done, not too hard. Bit of up and down because I had some cold email which showed no emotion. But didn't bother me too much, I know your thinking of me.

 

I will find my one, because I am ready to embrace it. You are a one definitely, but there are others and there will be one who doesn't run the minute they get sketchy.

 

Night all, thanks for listening