Going to strip clubs?

[diana084]

Would you be ok if your bf would go to strip clubs? I know some people think its normal and some dont.

My bf's birthday was on friday and I couldnt be with him,he had to work till 10 p.m that day and I felt bad for him cause he told me he wasnt going to do anything.Around 10:30 p.m he sent me a text message saying he was going out with his friends.I was hoenstly happy for him cause I didnt want him to be in his house for his b-day and I was sad,not because of that but because of a lot of things going on,and I thought that if instead of going out he'd call then I could make him sad and I didnt want that.I sent him a message telling to have fun but to be careful where he went and to behave.Bear in mind that one of his friends,one of the closest to him,is a womanizer,the kind of guy who thinks its ok to cheat and stuff,thats why I said those things in the message.

So yesterday he called me when he got back from work and he was honest with me and told me that he went to a strip club.He said he didnt know how bad it was,he said he didnt know that girls were such s-luts and basically do anything for you to give them money.Said girls sat next to him and offered him to do things,to go to rooms where they could charge him less and stuff.First of all,everyone knows how those places are,even me that I am girl so it was hard for me to believe that he said he didnt know those dancers are really s-luts.

He said he didnt feel anything the whole time he was there,I dont know what to believe.So yesterday I said goodbye way too fast and I guess he knew something bothered me.So he wrote me and e-mail this morning telling that he had wanted to be honest with me and he feels bad and sad if he hurt me.Thing is,I'm glad that he told me where he went even when he knew I could get mad,but I'm not really mad,I guess I'm more sad.I dont know,just thinking that I wanted him to have fun on his birthday and imagining that was his idea of fun kind of hurts me.I've had so much on my plate lately and friday when I was specially sad he went to one of those places,that makes me even sadder.Whats the necesity to see other women naked? I know lots of guys do it but still.I dont want to be the kind of gf who tries to control her bf,cause he can go where he wants and I cant stop him.He even told me that he was thinking if I went to one of those places he'd be jealous and mad so why did he do it?

I just wanna know what you think.

[lillady898]

I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like the controlling girlfriend, which I don't want to be. Yes, I want him to be happy, but also don't want him getting drunk and partying with a bunch of girls. I don't want him to be around half-clothed ladies. I don't want him to be friends with guys who cheat on girls and use girls for sex.

 

But, a line has to be drawn. As I told my boyfriend, there are other ways to have fun than partying all the time. And he completely understood. And now he doesn't party. He wouldn't want me to do that either.

 

I think you should really just talk to him. Tell him EXACTLY how you feel. Tell him you don't want to control him, however there are some things you feel that are just innapropriate to do while he is in a relationship. Turn the tables and ask him how he would feel if you were to go to a strip club for woman. Also, it's best to tell him you appreciate his honesty, because there's nothing worse than someone who thinks he or she has to hide things from the significant other. Think things through and talk to him. Not only will this solve the whole going to a strip club thing, but you will learn to communicate better.

 

It's always nice to have specific lines drawn. Personally, I'm happy my boyfriend has rules of what I shouldn't do and I have rules for him. Then I don't have to wonder, "Hmm... Should I be here doing this when I have a boyfriend?"

 

As for caring about whether my boyfriend goes to a strip club or not: Yes, I'de care. Any half-clothed female is going to cause lustful thoughts, even in the head of the most loyal partner. Although he may not act on any lustful thoughts, the thoughts shouldn't even be there. I mean, even the bible says that thinking the thoughts are just as bad as acting on them. He should only be thinking of one person... And that's the girl he already has.

 

Well that's all I've got to say! Good luck!

[Scout]

This is a good question. I have mixed feelings about this. The fact is, a lot of guys go to strip clubs. A lot. My old boss used to go every now and then to them (usually with clients) and he told me once his wife's attitude about it was: "I don't care where you get your appetite, as long as you get your dinner at home."

 

Also, I've been to a strip club before myself with a date, and it was actually fun!

 

Nevertheless...if I was dating someone who went to one without me, I'd be jealous. I know I would, whether it's rational or not. I too would think, why does he need to look at naked women? Is my body not sexy enough?

 

So as you can see, I feel sort of how you do. Not wanting to be jealous/telling my boyfriend what he can or can't do, but at the same time, not entirely thrilled with the idea of him going to a strip club. I bet lots of women feel this way, too...and a lot also have definite opinions on either side. Look forward to reading more feedback about this...

[black_magic]

I have to agree with whats being said, i think that myself should be enough although if its a lads night out or something planned for an occasion then i wouldnt derpive him of a good time and a laugh, i mean i wouldnt feel all too comfortable but if i wanted to go to some saucy meeting or out with the girls then i would hope that he had the same opinion, i would feel a small amount more insecure though if he just decided to up and go on his own, because then i would be feeling a little astray from what was happening, but thats just me

 

black magic

[CarterJonas]

Can I turn the question slightly?

 

Men: Would you mind that your girlfriend/wife worked at a strip club? Would you mind other men looking at her naked body?

 

My answer would be NO and YES I would mind. I haven't been to a strip club myself although I would take my girlfriends point of view before going, so if I was dating somebody I would not go out of respect for that girl. Now if I were single I can't see the problem, as if single women went to see male strippers.

[Jamiegirl]

I sorta feel the same way. But this is how my man thinks and I think maybe how most guys think. Why not just have more than one. They like you but they also want more. Thats just how some guys are. So your body is sexy enough for them they just want to see others. Its not\rmal for this.

 

Yet I say all that honestly I would be jealous deep down inside. I know I couldnt be a stripper so i would be like man they look better than me and he would rather see them.

I dont know maybe I am just rambling. Hopefully am making sense.

 

[Spirits Away]

I'm personally against strip clubs, but somehow there's that dark energy when you talk about it with females. They're actually intrigued, and actually want to go. Tell me girls, this an attitude of an nice girl who wants to be branded a dark side? or are they simpily interested? I sometimes observe my friends, and they're basically a product of what girls wants. I'm sure if there were no girls on the planet, motorcycles would be substancially less, there will be less face piercing, less tattoo and so forth.

 

I personally don't know the reason why you can't just stop your bf from going there. I think you have a right to. But if the boyfriend wants to control their own power, then they won't listen to you. I wouldn't particarily think strip clubs is "just a place to hang out". Many of my male friend's intentions were just to impress one another... Of course, there are exceptions where they just got so used to the place that they actually like to hang out there. But many of us aren't like that. My friends goes there, but when they don't have an intention to go, they won't. And that intention are usually just to possess some identity.

[Tinkerbell]

I agree with a lot of the things said here. When I'm with someone, I don't want them looking at other naked girls, I don't care whether or not they're "professionals" or not, (In my opinion, it does not take a professional to take off their clothes and shake it all about) I consider it like cheating. When you're in a relationship, you should be completely dedicated to that person, and I don't buy the "it's just a place to hang out" excuse as there as millions of other places where guys can hang out that don't include dancing naked women.

[diana084]

And not all of them are 'professionals'.Some of them are s-luts really,they get paid for a lap dance,then they get paid to have sex.I know this cause I also have male friends who have gone to those places.

I guess what hurts me the most is that before doing it he didnt think about me and what I thought,if it could bother me or perhaps hurt my feelings.

I wasnt honestly mad at him when he told me that,I was never mad,I was just sad cause I guess it hurt me.I know he feels bad about it for the way he told me he didnt like it and he didnt think it was like that,etc.And I know that he feels guilty for the things he said in his e-mail.I know he loves me but he shouldnt have done it I'm yet to talk to him cause he's working right now and wont be back till the evening,so I'll let you know how it goes when I do.

And men can answer too.

[justagirl20f]

...but you're his GF not his mother. And he is an adult. Okay, it hurts that he looks at other women. It would hurt me. It hurt me when my ex went. But I realize that it hurt me when my ex went because I didn't trust him. If your BF makes you feel loved and valued, then I'd try not to worry about it.

 

Besides, you get upset when he tells you because you're hurt, and that's a surefire way to make him hide it next time. And then you're gonna find out and be upset because he hid it and you'll think for SURE something's up because he's hiding it. Meanwhile he's only hiding it because LAST time he didn't hide it it hurt you. See the Catch 22?

 

This is what I try to do: Girls are different than guys. Guys like to see naked women dancing around and shaking their boobs. Fine. Every guy I've ever dated has said "well I don't care if you go watch male strippers"... I don't because it isn't my "thing".

 

Try finding your "thing". It might be going to a club looking as hot as can be, taking tons of complements, dancing the night away, and politely and eloquently turning down each and every one of them. Or what about giving that hot construction worker a wink as you walk by? Or flirting with the pizza boy.

 

Whatever your "thing" is, think of it as your "porn". Your emotional satisfaction outside of the relationship. Look, he's going to the strip joint because as great as looking at you is, he wants more. So don't feel guilty about getting your emotional fullfillment supplemented by extra-relationship things. I mean a lot of girls (me included) would have such a hard time not laughing at some guy dangling his thing on stage that it would be hard to take it seriously! So my "porn" is flirting with that construction worker or that pizza boy. It makes me feel sexy, it doesn't go anywhere further than flirting, and I think that the pleasure I get from it is roughly akin to the pleasure a guy gets from going to a strip joint.

 

The bottom line? Don't sit at home thinking how bad it makes you feel that he's looking at other women! Instead, go out and get other guys to look at YOU... That'll give you a confidence boost you crave instead of letting your self esteem be undermined.

 

And before someone says "hey that's not fair to him, going out and flirting with other guys"... Ummm... We are TALKING about someone who's watching nude women dance.

[Spirits Away]

You're coming from a vengence point of view. To make us feel what you feel so we don't do the same thing again. Well, how would u get your boyfriend to know that you've been flirting around? Not only that, this girl who posted this topic doesn't sound like the type of person who would do such things.

And one post that was said earlier assumed that if you guys were to confront your boyfriends, they'll hide the from you the next time. It's one assumption that leads to one conclusion. Perhaps if you were to confront them in a way that really really annoys them, then we'll hide. If you were to say it in an honest manner, then they would be more likely to hear you out and maybe even sympathesize with you. You guys should find a way to talk to guys, not just your female way. My viewpoint is that you guys should know what's offending you and tell them about it. I wouldn't think that's a sign of being controlling. If you do feel that you're controlling for telling them that it's hurting you, you don't know where your standards are. Some post earlier said something about her boyfriend(s) all said "well i don't care if you watch male strippers". Perhaps it's just my reality, but you're exaggerating on the word "all". Males are not that corrupted.

 

You guys have so much pre-concepts about males that you guys don't know what actions to take to solve a problem and just assumed that if you girls did this, we'll behave like that and so forth

 

Anyways, enough of this, back to Diana

 

i dont' really understand what you mean by you're not angry but are sad. I couldn't precisely pinpoint what you're bothered about. Is it the fact that went somewhere where he can potentially cheat on you? Do you already feel cheated because he's watching a real life naked body? Would you feel what you're feeling right now if he's looking at porn in screen?

[Spirits Away]

double post... don't know how to delete

[justagirl20f]

You're coming from a vengence point of view. To make us feel what you feel so we don't do the same thing again. Well' date=' how would u get your boyfriend to know that you've been flirting around? Not only that, this girl who posted this topic doesn't sound like the type of person who would do such things.[/quote']

 

Correction... You're reading it from a vengance point of view. It isn't about rubbing it in his face. It's about getting the same sort of pleasure for yourself instead of sulking at home. And it isn't at all so that he won't go again... Of course he will! To each their own.

 

I was just presenting a differing viewpoint than "communicate with him and (pretend) he wont go to the strip joint anymore."

[diana084]

Is it the fact that went somewhere where he can potentially cheat on you?

 

Yes,I guess that is.Cause I know what goes on in those places and I certainly do not want my bf to be around that kind of women.I trust him but I guess I'm kind of insecure.I dont see him very often and I guess that helps my insecurity.

I dont mind him watching porn at all but he hardly does it.I'd rather he'd watch porn than go to strip clubs.

And no,I dont feel cheated cause he was looking at naked women.That doesnt mean cheating in my book but yes,it bothers me cause I dont want my bf to get hard watching other women in real life (if you know what I mean) it makes me jealous and it bothers me.I'm not naive either,I know he'd sometimes look at some hot girl and feel some kind of lust but going to strip clubs means you're more often going to feel that 'lust' for other woman thats not your gf plus you're going to be around women who would certainly sleep with you if you told them to.

And I'm not going to pretend that he's not going again.I'm gonna tell him what I think and he'd either tell me if he wants to go again or not.

Another thing that I think had to do with me being sad is that my bf is not even that much of a sexual person.I was the first woman he was with and he was 21 the first time we did it.He doesnt like porn that much,he has no videos or anything (all the guys I was with before had at least one) So I was kind of surprised actually that he went there cause I couldnt imagine it at first.But I guess that with that friend he has I should have thought about the possibilty of him going to one of those places before.