How I Got to a Good Point without Him

[MadxMythMadame]

It's been officially 2 months since he broke my heart into a million pieces and now I feel like I can say, "I can live without him in my life." My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years - now ex - was my whole world and I'm still very much in love with him. I do have to warn all the broken hearts reading this, I still cry every once in a while because I still miss all the things I loved about us and him.

 

One thing I first focused on was remembering to take care of myself. That first week is always really brutal. You're crying every night and everyone knows just from looking at the dark circles under your puff, red eyes. Unfortunately, the world doesn't stop just because your heart is shattered. With a ton of self-restraint, I somewhat disciplined myself to do all my daily routines, slowly - things like work and eating (eating moderately is important). I thought about everything I was doing until I could do it without reminding myself that I had to do it. The beat way to describe it was having an outer-body experience and be your own caretaker. The only thing I wasn't really able to have a least bit control was my sleeping schedule - screwed up the ying-yang. If you could do that, more power to you. So Think.Things.Through.Throughly. & live in the present, taking one thing at time - don't think about the future. If there was anything I hated hearing repeatedly was "Everything is going to be better". Things really suck right now and the only way I'm going to be "better" is if I work on it right now.

 

Second, crying and having a great support system. Anyone you can count on, even if it's the strangers on this website - count on people. For a while, I worried about that my friends are going to get really sick of hearing about who is now called the ex, but if they're really good friends, they should not care. Besides, right now, you have to look out for yourself, now that s/he is gone and they were probably someone who you counted on more than anyone. And I can't forget to stress crying. As much as you think that crying in public might not be very dignified, you're going to need to cry a lot and really loud. Maybe do it in more of a private area, if you can, but if not, just do it (this is coming from someone who hates crying... a lot).

 

Third, remember that you have to rely on yourself too. There are going to be times where it's going to really suck that you don't a friend at that moment, so you're going to have to go through this pain on your own. Remember, you can do things by yourself and when you do, or at least when I started, it feels like things are more possible. I focused on something that I'm good at and makes me feel great for a moment without regret. After a break-up is the best time to revamp yourself and make yourself more independent.

 

I'm not saying that you can party, drink, etc, but just know that they make you forget about it temporarily. Honestly, I knocked back a drink or two because I was sad, but it's a sense of knowing when you should quit. If you don't know when, then you should always drink, party with a friend that knows when you should.

 

Lastly, don't try too hard to forget what happened. It happened and it mattered because you're hurting right now. It's only going to suck more if you drag out this pain by trying to forget him and everything you've been through with her/him. It happened and you're going to have to live with it and move on, eventually.

 

I hope this helps. It's very general, so please don't bash me just because it didn't cater to you. If there's anything else you'd like to add to this, let me know. I'm still in this post-break-up mode and I would love to know what's making everyone else feel better, even if it's the most mind-blowing cheesecake recipe.

 

I alway welcome things on here that truly don't work that I've mentioned because maybe it's just me.

[nekoxchaos]

good post =)

 

yeah everyone has their own pace of healing, it also shouldn't be rushed or use things like partying / hooking up etc to avoid the real problem or pain that lies within, the more we stop running away from it and live with the more we begin to heal. I still experiance brief moments where I would get sad inside but it has become less and less or I have become better at controlling the situation, I remember how I acted when it was still fresh from the breakup and roller coaster on and off that happened afterward : I felt like I was beyond help or that I'll never get to the point I am in right now. Looking back I see how much progress I have made and wouldn't change a thing about it.

 

And I agree with what you said about relying on yourself, I lost that in me and relied so heavily on my ex to feel validated that I forgot that I had myself in the end. It was a important thing for me to learn though it took me a while to get it =P.

[lia86]

Wonderful MadX... one of the best ones I've read on ENA, honestly.

 

Lastly, don't try too hard to forget what happened. It happened and it mattered because you're hurting right now. It's only going to suck more if you drag out this pain by trying to forget him and everything you've been through with her/him. It happened and you're going to have to live with it and move on, eventually.

 

That part is so true.

 

Thank you!!!

[MadxMythMadame]

Thanks It's nice to know my message got out there. Recently, there's been this epidemic of break-ups around me, including my own. It's really astounding.

[thewendy]

This is a great post, and I hope it inspires others as it has inspired me. You seem to be doing very well, I'm happy for you, and you're obviously going to do better over time. It's also been two months for me, and I'm also doing good, although like you I still cry and I still miss him. But things will get better, I know it.

 

Stay strong, and good luck!