Anyone Decided to do the Rest of their Life Alone?

[Silverbirch]

Well, it's something I'm giving thought to and feels like that's how it will be for me anyway. I've got friends, a grown son, and my pets, and a career. I'm mature-aged woman, have had 3 long-term relationships. Right now, I don't feel I could do with any more sadness from having my heart broken. Sounds melodramatic I know, but maybe I am one of those people who it just isn't going to work for. I had really wanted to end up happily married, but not looking like that was meant to be. My mum spent the rest of her life alone after my father left her for another woman. She has definitely been better off alone (her children do a lot for her though) than she would have had my father been with her as he was an abusive man.

 

There have to have been people who have chosen a partnership free life and been happy. I'm not quite ready to join a convent or anything, but just wondering if anyone else can share. Thanks.

[SVSV]

I wouldn't say I've decided to be alone, but I didn't care for years. No one struck my fancy, and I was OK with that.

 

Sometimes I wonder whether dating is worth the trouble. Too many people in unhappy relationships, etc.

[eternalsunrise]

I've come near to deciding to.

 

I, too, have had three serious relationships and have found myself single now. I also don't think I can handle the pain that comes with the failure of another one in my life. I've been through excruciating debilitating heartache. I fear anymore will destroy me.

 

At the same time, the happiness that I get from a relationship when it's going well is a feeling that can't be derived anywhere else in life. I think for me, the key is that I need to practice listening to my gut instinct about a guy when/if I see red flags come up signifying future pain with him. I could have saved myself so much pain and abuse if I would have left my last partner at 3 months in when I saw distinct red flags. - I could have walked away still having the positive experience as a memory while knowing I was dodging things from getting worse. I'm willing to try this. Willing to try another relationship if I absolutely hold my standards dear to me.

 

So, while sometimes I do think happy being single is a very healthy realistic probability for me, I know that I would like to experience the bliss of a loving close intimate relationship. I believe I will again and dodge any bullets by being intuitive and being true to myself.

[Capricorn3]

I know several people (in their mid to late 40's and a few in their 50's) who have chosen to be and remain single and they are all happy with their choice. This does not mean that they sit at home 24/7 and are miserable/lonely. They are all successful in their careers and are social people. Being alone doesn't have to mean "lonely".

[Silverbirch]

Thanks SVSV and Eternalsunrise.

 

ES, you probably will find that happiness. I didn't see red flags at the beginning of my last relationship, so not sure if I'm just poor at judgement in relationships or what. By the time I did see some of my partners faults, I just took the view that I loved him and accepted him. Of course, it was me who ended up being ditched. At least though, I have enough experience now to know not to go back. Some people think I'm attractive and look younger than my age. Already had one man, bit more than an acquaintance let it be known that he likes me a lot, and well, that he would give me time to get over my ex, and that he's interested in me. I just couldn't be interested in anyone. I can't even imagine it anymore.

[Silverbirch]

Thanks Capricorn. Yes, that's what I'm going to be striving for. Have an overseas trip planned for the end of the year.

[mad rabbits]

Hi Silver,

 

I wouldn't say I have closed the door, but I've definitely stopped looking.

 

I am also tired of hurting others and being hurt.

 

I also find these days, I am really pretty content with the single life - living for myself, designing my life around myself and what I want to do in life. As I get older I enjoy the small things a lot more than I used to... and I've sort of changed my benchmarks of what I think life is all about and what makes it worth living. The yardsticks of partner/successful job/money/family kind of just looks like burnout to me, when I observe those women that have it. They don't seem especially happy, or any happier than I.

[Silverbirch]

Hi BH and thanks! Yes, I too am definitely needing to rethink my priorities. Good on you for getting on with things.

[Stay_home]

I wouldn't say that I've given up totally, but I'm just not looking for it anymore.

[spectre71]

I wouldn't say i have decided to be alone, more a case of i have accepted that women don't really see me as a potential partner. I have had 1 long term relationship which ended as she was seeing another guy at the same time she was with me. I do miss having someone there but for various reasons women seem to only see me as a work colleage or maybe a friend, nothing else. I keep busy with work and some volunteer activities but i also have times when having someone around would be nice.

[Nerdyjock]

Maybe you could change your definition of having a partner. I'm really sorry to hear that three long term relationships have caused you heartache I have been there, I know how much it could hurt.

 

But have you tried thinking of relationships in terms of friendship and companionship? I mean, you could stil keep all of your personal hobbies and interests (family, pets, hobbies, etc.) But also ocasionally enjoy the company of someone who you can do things with that you wouldn't really have as much fun doing alone (eating at a restauraunt, flying kites together, talking about politics, sipping coffee).

 

Basically, I don't think I'd ever swear off love completely. Even if things are looking grim based on the past, you could always try to take some of the positive things and prevent some of the negative things.

[Beth Tudor]

yes i have def thought about it, and have often said if this current relationship ends then that is me done. I recently spent a month on my own away from family especially due to being let down and heart broken used and not appreciated, and although that doesn't sound a long time in the grand scheme of things; but omg it was amazing. I did what i wanted had no one to answer to, and just became so relaxed and it was a pleasure to return home, whereas my home home was becoming too much and i had started to dread going there.

the most important thing i learnt from it was, that it is ok to be alone, I am stronger for it and stand up for myself more and do much more on my own.

You also have the option to have the odd date, but re co habiting again for me is a def no-no.

chin up hunni, life is only what you make it, take a leap of faith and you'll be pleasantly surprised. take care. xx

[Silverbirch]

Hey Thanks all for your nice replies, and sorry if any of you are still sad too. Nerdyjock, I have actually had a man - my farrier - extend friendship and companionship to me. My housemate and his girlfriend joke that he "Has the hots for me", but they might just be saying that good-naturedly because they think it might cheer me up.

 

I would probably like him as a friend, especially with the shared interest in horses, but even a friendship with a man right now would be not on the cards as I'm probably a bit suspicious and not trusting enough. With my most recent ex, we were friends first, and fell in love or so he claimed to be in love with me. I definitely was with him.

 

I do have female friends, and would rather see more of them right now. Beth, I am enjoying the little freedom's though of being alone, and home is a nice place to be right now.

[Jetta]

I've actually thought about joining a convent but they probably wouldn't take me and I'm not sure I could totally give up sex. I am quite religious though my life hasn't seemed to follow a religious path. Anyway I still dream of meeting an ideal man, when I'm not thinking of giving myself to God. Though it seems like it won't ever happen again. I've had miserable relationships but I still miss having one.

[Silverbirch]

Jetta, I understand your thoughts of entering a convent, but I agree it wouldn't be right for you. Maybe it's just that you want protection and comfort. I can definitely identify with the other thoughts you have had too. I'm very likely much older than you are. The 3 relationships I had all lasted several years, and at my age, I don't feel I have the energy or even the will to do it anymore. Something positive is that when I don't have men in my life, I always seem to have more money and my other relationships are better. That would be because I have more time and energy - all of the men have been high maintenance.