why does it take longer for some people to get over breakups, friendships ending

[phasegirl]

The title says it all, and unfortunately, I'm one of those people:

 

• it took me four entire years to get over my breakup with my ex boyfriend
  
• ended a friendship with one of my best ex girlfriends and it still hurts despite it happening 6 months ago
  

 

Yet everyone seems to move on so quickly and they don't even have an ounce of emotional upset. Neither one of them miss me, nor do they call me. Well my ex boyfriend went after another girl, so even though that's painful, at the very least it's understandable - I mean, I can't expect the bastage to call me when he's seeing another girl lol

 

Seriously though, can anyone explain why it takes people so long to get over the pain of losing people? Could it be because I live alone, so I have more time to think about it? I mean, does having a lot of people in your life help get over breakups quickly?

 

My ex friend and I were so close - she was like a soul sister to me and told me so. We had a small fight, and she basically just walked out. I didn't betray her, or anything like that. Our fight was just about stupidities from over time that blew out of proportion.

 

Now I see on facebook that she hangs out with all her girlfriends (who once were our mutual friends) and does not miss me one wink. (If she did, she would call me, but she hasn't, and is the one who told me she wishes we could part as friends)

 

Meanwhile, I feel like I'm going through some sort of painful "friendship famine" - of the type that slowly kills and tortures you inside until your insides are all eaten up and what's left is a shell without any feelings

 

So why is it taking me so long to get over it

[resilient7]

Sorry to hear you are feeling such,I tended to be this way too but then changed,had this nice nature about me and still am but now I know to whom or when I should employ that to,hence that made me the kind that cared too much if somebody got angry at me but I just got tired of being crapper on and figured I needed to stop being so naive.

Hope you too will find your own way

[bungalo]

I think a lot of people on ENA (past and present) are slow healers. Don't kick yourself for it...I'm the same way. I don't think I'll ever get completely over my ex...its coming up on 10 months since our 3rd breakup.. Resiliant...I know I'm much stronger and unwilling to take anyone's crap anymore-I'm also not afraid to speak up when somethings wrong....hang in there

[Jd1983]

Sorry that you're going through this right now.

 

Please realize that you are just getting stronger with each new experience. With my first serious bf, it literally took me several years to get over him. Alongside of that, I've been betrayed several times by some of my closest friends (those that I have known for a decade). It hurt me at one point, but I've since gotten over it.

 

I know it's hard to believe, but everything happens for a reason. Throughout life, you'll meet tons of new people. Some people will have more of an impact on you than others.

 

"It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it."

 

Try finding things to keep yourself occupied, and soon enough things will get better for you. Hang in there hun.

[niceguy1]

I would suggest try making new friends. Meet new people by joining some clubs in your local community (art, pottery, etc), local school (if your still in school), take some classes (dancing classes, etc), sports teams, workplace, at the gym, even online dating etc. Find a social hobby that enjoy and pursue it. There are many places to meet new people and start new friendships. I know it's easier said then done but you have to put yourself out there and enjoy life. Your ex bf and your ex friend moved on and so you can move on too. You have to get out there in the social scene and meet new people that is the best way to move on.

[Case_1983]

I was just asking myself the exact opposite the other day. I am highly emotional and get attached very easily. But if something is over for me it’s over. I can literally force the feelings to leave me. With relationships I tend to find someone else very fast. I can feel very strongly for someone one day and the feelings are gone the next. This happened with my current relationship. I tired and tried and tried for 3 months and got nothing but pushback. A week ago I just snapped and decided it wasn’t going to work and my feelings have gone. I think it’s also a self preservation thing. I am unwilling to let myself get to the point of devastation. The very first guy I kissed and dated for 2 weeks at 16 (crazy I know) took 2 years to get over. I can honestly say that the pain I felt then has never come back.