Please Help Me!! Break-up is consuming my life.

[Rebecca81]

Hi, I'm Rebecca and am brand new to the sight, so I'd appreciate any advice or support. My boyfriend, Dan, of 5 months, broke up with a week ago today. He said that he cannot trust me. Now before you judge, hear me out...

 

Dan lives in LA, about an hour from me, and we see each other on weekends and once during the week. From our first meeting, we new it was an amazing and surreal connection. Our entire relationship was utter bliss, and we fell in love quickly. We are both in our twenties, and have been through the ups and downs of relationships, so we knew this was it!

 

But, I have told him a few white lies throughout the relationship. He has more money than I and I told him that the car my mom drives is really mine, not her's. At first I was embarrassed about my real car, but by the time I figured out that he wouldn't care what I drove, I felt trapped and decided to keep up with the lie. I also told him that a necklace I wore from my ex was from my parents, and when he asked me if I swore on our relationship that it wasn't from an ex, I did. I lied to his face.

 

The incident that pushed him over the edge last week was when he had a horrible day at work. He was almost fired for turning in 2 late stories (he's a writer) and was reprimanded. I was worried so I emailed him from my work and called him about 4 times. He said that he had to finish a story by 5pm and he'd call me later. I was upset at that message and so when he called, i lied and told him that i was going out with friends to a bar. He couldn't believe that my first instinct was to lie to him when he was so low. All he wanted was, me his love, to support him.

 

Sorry this is so long...Later that night, he made it official and said he needed space and he'd call as soon as he processed things. we talked sat. and i told him some frightening news about my dr.'s appt. that day. he cried and was so upset. he said he'd call to check on me later that day, but never did. i couldn't take it anymore and i called him mon. night spilling my heart out. he said he didn't know what to believe anymore. he doesn't feel he can trust me. he said his love for me makes it so much harder and it pains him to even hear my voice. he said it feels like a piece of his soul is being torn out and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

 

Tues. i talked with him online, after i'd written him an email, and he concluded that right now, he just cant trust me. he is in so much pain, as am i, and can barely function. i asked if i could call, and he said it hurts to even hear my voice. i asked to drive to LA to see him, he said no.

 

WHAT DO I DO? This man is my love, and I am his. Please help...

 

Thank you,

Rebecca

[Edge_of_6_feet]

It's really hard on someone when the person they've fallen in love with lies to them. Does he know why you lied to him? Sometimes all it takes is understanding why what was done was done.

 

If you two get back together and from the way it sounds you two are very much in love and probably will, you need to be honest with him. If you don't want to talk to him right that second say, I really don't want to talk right now and ask if you can give him a call back later. I'm sure that if he loves you he'll be able to accept that as an answer and if you're really broken down and need someone to talk to but don't know how to talk he'll do anything to get to you.

 

Just a few questions...if you love this guy why are you still wearing a necklace from you ex? Quit holding onto the past, especially if you know or even think you have a future with this guy. And about the car, he shouldn't care what you drive, what you drive doesn't necessarily show your socioeconomic status. Just be honest with him. The key ingrediants in a relationship are Honesty

 

For right now I'd say give him a little time when he's ready to talk he'll come to you or you can call him but give him a while. Sometimes it take a little time sometime to get your feet back on the ground and your head on straight Good luck.

[CarterJonas]

hi Rebecca81

 

I am sorry to hear of your situation at the moment.

 

What I would do is to try and have a heart to heart with him. Tell hime all the white lies you told him. Tell him you told him these because you were embarrassed about the truth; and you wanted to impress him because you loved him, and you now know now that it was a mistake. (ie lay your cards on the table)

 

If you cant have a heart to heart, write him a letter. I'm afraid that at the moment that the ball is in his court whether he wants to get back. If he doesn't at least you will have learned for your next relationship.

 

good luck and hope everything turns out ok for you.

[Mun]

Hi Rebecca,

I think that at this point you have probably already tried to explain what happened enough times. I think it is best to leave him alone now.

 

Let him think about this and decide if he wants to continue with you or not. There is not much you can do now, you know you did wrong and I'm sure you have apologized. My friend says the best apology is to "not do it again" Should you get that chance and be with him again, learn your lesson.

 

One of the things that hurts the most in a relationship is lies. You have seen this now and I'm sure it will make you a better person in the future.

[Rebecca81]

Tell me if you think this is a good idea...

 

I will wait a month, and if there is no contact with him, i will call. problem is, will he answer my calls? i've never seen him so hurt. should i just drop by? that way maybe, he couldn't shut me out?

[Mun]

Rebecca,

Imagine this : You call and he doesn't pick up. How will you feel?

Now imagine this: You leave him alone and he eventually forgives you, calls and is happy to get you on the line. How will you feel then?

 

I don't think you should just drop by. It will be uncomfortable for both of you. Let him be the one to come around. You will have better results.

[Rebecca81]

Do you think we have a chance?

[Mun]

You have a better chance if you don't try to "force" things to happen. Instead leave it up to him to decide if he wants to forgive you, and give this relationship another try.