Suffering From It

[Charlotte]

Hello. I am constantly sad, moody, angry, and upset.

 

I am suffering from a usual form of depression, i guess. My father died about 5 years ago, i am still coping with the loss. He died in my arms, i wish i could say. He died in our home and my brother and I were both hardly old enough to handle the situation ourselves. Now that daddy isnt here anymore, my sister has turned her life inside-out and im not allowed to speak to her in anyway now. My mother crys and is angry all the time. She doesnt know how to handle 2 teenagers all by herself. However, my older brother perplexes me...he doesnt seem to be at all affected by whats happened. He still goes on playing his computer games and being a quiet, small student.

My point is...(If i'll ever really get to it)...is that I am suffering each and everyday. Ive tried to overcome depression with good ol' fashion will and strength, but as depression can do to some people, it keeps on weakening me and taking me down. I cry alot now...for no good reason. Sometimes at school, which is VERY embarrassING when you cant explain what is wrong to your friends who are giving you weird looks. I cannot come to tell my mother that I am depressed. She wouldnt understand, this i am sure of. I cannot imagine how hard it would be on her...having to deal with an unstable girl like me. Should i tell her? Maybe later would be better....I know myself enough to know that I could never, ever hurt myself if i became severely depressed.....Or maybe this isnt depression at all?

[ezila]

Sweetie, you've been through an awful lot - it's no wonder you're depressed!

 

What you're going through isn't unusual; losing a parent when you are young is VERY hard, and takes a long time to come to terms with. Not to sound discouraging, but you may find yourself feeling this way for some time yet.

 

You need to reach out to your mother and let her know how you are feeling. Remember, she is suffering from a loss, too - and maybe she needs to reach out to you, too.

 

AND, I would suggest seeing a therapist or grief counselor - either alone, or with your family. Grief affects different people in different way, so ALL of your reactions are normal - really. Yours, your mother's, even your siblings.

 

The pain diminishes eventually, I promise. In the meantime, you may want to try some antidepressants to help you get through this.

 

Hang in there.

[couldbeme86]

hey charlotte. im sorry about your dad. i know how hard it is to lose someone you care about and are really close to. what your going through is hard to deal with. what you should do is tell one of your close friends about how you feel. some times it helps to just tell someone about what your feeling. if theyre a good friend they wont mind you telling them whats wrong. it might help you with your depression. i know it helped me to tell my friends how i felt. i never cried in front of my friends, but i would always have really quick mood swings. i would be fine one minute, and then one of my friends would say something as a joke and it would set me off. they would all just sit there looking at me. none of them would know what to say. then after a month or two i told them that that was my way of breaking down. after that, if i went off everyone would ask what was wrong and offer a hug to calm me down. that helped me, knowing that my friends care about what was wrong. now im always the one offering the hugs. after a while you get back to how you felt before and feel much better.

 

i hope youll talk to one of your friends and tell them whats wrong.

 

hope i helped you at least a little. later.

 

rc

[jennykitty]

hey,

my advice would be tell her, i know you don't want to be a over bearing but , i am sure your mother is worried about you too. I understand your place, i am a teenager too. It is normal to feel the way you do for your father but five years is a very very long time. I am guessing you had no one to talk to at the time of your father's dead. ( I know that i would have probably talked to my parents and i am sure you would). But you saw the pain your mother was going through and you didn't want to add to her pain. You sound like you need to talk. You won't be over bearing your mother if you tell her. I know i felt like if i told my parents that i was putting extra stress on them they didn't need. But, no one can read minds, and mother may just be unaware of your feelings. I know my arents were of mine and i had to say something... it is hard to do , took me two years to do so. i hope that helped

love faith and pixie dust

jenny

[Charlotte]

Thank you all very much. Im glad to know that Im not alone in this world.

 

Ive read all that you guys have posted, thank you so much for the help. I have decided to go through with therapy and sit and talk with my mother about it. Ive also talked with one of my friends about this. He said he understands me completely and would always be there for me, even though he lives miles away. Ive told my other friends about this too. They said they would try their best to help me when I break down infront of them. Furthermore, one girl promised to "glomp" me with surplus of hugs when she sees me crying.

 

I have found that the pain of my father's death is lessening with each and everyday, but some days it comes back to nip at my heels like a snake. Later on when I am older, if I still cannot handle this on my own, I might ask a doctor about antidepressants.

 

Again, I want to thank all of you. Your understanding, help, and sympathy moves me to tears as I type this. Your all in my hearts.

~Char