So confused...

[podpod]

Well, I've been talking to a guy online for 5 years as just friends, but in the last year we have become romantically involved. We both speak very openly about our relationship as far as I know. We both say that we love each other... we'd obviously want to be together in real life, but we live on opposite sides of the world... and neither of us would feel comfortable meeting each other at the moment... I don't want to rush any of it, but I'm just so confused about it all. I am surprisingly content (apart from my confusion) in our relationship together, even though it's "only online", I enjoy our time together so much.

 

We've spoken about whether we are committed to each other... we both came to the conclusion that we would both be very upset if either one of us decided to be with someone else in reality. He doesn't consider us as a "couple"... I don't really know what we are, it's hard to figure out when it's online, all I know is that we are very close and we love each other, and he agrees with that.

 

My problem is... I'm EXTREMELY confused. How can either of us stay happy in an online relationship? He obviously has female friends and meets a lot of new females daily... so I feel like it's inevitable that he will find, and be with someone else. These women can offer him everything I can and more. I highly doubt I could be with anyone else while I have these feelings for him. But it's just so confusing, I have no idea how to maintain an online relationship... I just... ARGH. I forget about it all when we're talking sometimes... but it creeps back sometimes and I find myself asking him what he feels about our relationship etc. I don't want to be like this. I'm so confused... I don't know how to deal with any of this online stuff. I don't even know what questions I'm supposed to ask him, myself, or anyone else... to try and sort my feelings out. I just have no idea... about any of this. I just... I don't KNOW... I don't even know what I'm trying to ask you people... ARGH. I understand if you don't know how to respond to this post... I thought I'd just try anyway.

[Scout]

My opinion (and this is just my own, others may have a different take): an online relationship is based on a lot of idealism and fantasy because you are not with the person in real life, so don't really know what a "real" relationship with them would be like. I think a lot of us succomb to the online relationship thing because in real life we've been burned, and this is "safe" - communication is all done via email or phone - there is not the same amount of effort needing to be made as in real life.

 

I've heard of too many cases of long-term online relationships that fizzle pretty quickly after the couple actually meet in person. The fantasy has become reality, the golden glow of idealism has dimmed quite a bit.

 

Granted, two emotionally grounded and healthy people can actually connect and meet online, but what you might want to look out for is someone who has a real history of several online relationships. Then you should probably rightfully suspect this is someone who has trouble sustaining real-life relationships.

[podpod]

Yeah... there's always like a 50/50 chance whether you'll like each other in reality or not...

 

For me, personally, I don't find online relationships to be safer or easier than ones in reality. I've had 1 online thing before I started to like this guy, and it was extremely hard and I got very hurt, more hurt than I have ever been in reality. So, for me, there's nothing to hide behind because I'm able to get hurt just as easily.

 

It can be less effort because you can just turn the computer off if you decide you never want to speak to them again... but so far, that hasn't happened, and we talk to each other and make us much effort as people would in reality I think.

 

He's only had 1 online thing as well, as far as I know... but he could have a problem with dating in reality. I could as well... I don't know

[i_hate_the_world47]

Ok in my opinion,i do and i dont believe in online relationships.They can be real but cant.It all depends on wat u believe.

 

~Meagan~

[Amoretto]

hey there, my answer is simple, you just ask yourself what do you want! if you cannot get the commitment from him, or you cannt see each other offline, this cyber relationship cannt get real!! and the important thing is you are not happy now...so why you still care about this relationship so much!! keep your eyes wide open there are so many hot guys out there, must be someone very suitable for you!

good luck