When do I ask her..."what are you looking for?"

[fitforlife]

I have been dating this girl off and on for a few months now. It has been a tough situation, and I haven't quite been able to figure her out. But, recently some things have happened and I believe I have a good grasp on how she feels about me. I have made some moves as of late like one quick good night kiss, but that's about it. That is a step up from our typical hug goodnight. She has been tougher to read than other girls I have dated, but I am slowly starting to figure her out.

 

So, the obvious "want" would be a relationship, but she is extremely busy with college and we only get to see each other maybe once every two to three weeks. I personally don't find that too terrible (school IS important), but I feel like if I'm in a relationship, I am obligated to see her as much as possible?

 

Our communication between dates seems to be lacking a little. I am a talkative person who always loves to chat, plan things in advance, and make sure everything is fine and well. It is not unusual for me to send a text message once every few days saying something like "hope you have a great day" or things like that. She is difficult to chat with via text, myspace/facebook at times because she gives blunt answers and isn't too talkative back.

 

Basically, we've been going out for a few months, and it seems like we're just going on dates and I don't know where it's headed. I think I know where it could be headed but it seems like something needs to happen to take that next step. I'm personally comfortable with going on dates here and there and letting things happen. But I do not want to be "friend zoned", though I think it's a little too late for that. Should I just keep going out with her and let things happen or should I make a move and ask her what she wants out of this.

[BMP2CPM]

Below is my late-night ramble:

 

Never ask a woman "What are you looking for?" because she doesn't really know what she's looking for. But she'll know it when she finds it.

 

If you want to figure a woman out, ignore her words and only pay attention to her actions. Actions reveal all. You'll never get a straight answer from a woman on anything. It's not that they're lying, they just think a little different from men.

 

You're concerned because you don't know where it's going? That's the last thing you should worry about in a relationship. When everything seems fine in a relationship is when you should worry. Couples can be married for years and still not know where the marriage is headed. That's life. Let go a little.

 

You plan things out, you talk more than she does. You like certainty. Who doesn't? You like control and she likes a man that controls. Or she likes guys that barely touch her. I don't have enough info from your post to know for sure.

 

I know you're young and all, but for someone who likes control, you haven't gotten physical enough yet. Escalate, watch her reactions. If it looks good, escalate more.

 

And for future dates with women, try more kissing and less hugging. A good kiss with a woman can make you very memorable. A hug does not have that effect.

 

Good luck!

[Day_Walker]

So you have been going out for two months and you have only had a quick good night kiss? I think that you have to realize that you are not a top priority to this girl and you crave more attention than she is willing to give. If you want more from her then it appears youre going after the wrong girl.

[fitforlife]

Well, she is in college, and very very busy with that (and involved), so I can understand why we aren't seeing other that much. However, I guess I would like to know where this is going (don't we all). I mean, I am spending time, money, and most importantly - my emotions trying to figure this out. I guess we can just keep dating but is there going to be a point where she says "let's just be friends" or that she meets another guy? Surely once summer rolls around she'll have more free time. There's no way around this though - it's going to be like this with anyone in college. They want to date/have a relationship, but they also have classes, exams, things they are involved with. She almost can't make me her top priority nor do I expect her too.

 

And honestly the only reason we have had just a "quick kiss" is because we aren't too emotionally connected yet (at least that's how I feel). It's tough to get a grasp on someone else when you're going on dates once every three weeks or so like we are. I plan to step my game up though and start making moves to see what happens.

 

But, surely something must be there if we keep going out..so I guess I am going to just keep playing it out and see what happens. I don't date people just for the heck of it and I'm sure she wouldn't either. I don't know.

[SugarSkull]

It seems that maybe she's just not into you? If I like a guy, I'm not going to give him the run around and push him away. You guys clearly haven't gotten that close if you've only kissed once. Something just seems off. Plus, seeing you once every couples weeks? Is she studying Law at Harvard? I'm sure she has more time then that. If she likes you, she will find that time.