It's hard enough to be confused about my own sexuality, but now someonee else's

[BiCurious2011]

Well that's good to hear. I can't think of any reason he would lead me on if he wasn't acctually interested. Maybe it's come to the point that if we ever get some time alone, I should just ask him? Or try to kiss him? If I try to kiss him (and he lets me) I'll know for sure he's into me and if he doesn't let me then I'd say I know for sure he don't. But if I just ask, he could still be denying it for one reason or another.

[anonymousSAD]

I don't know what others would council but I like the idea of kissing him. Asking could throw him into a knee jerk reaction of denial or make him feel awkward having to analyze the situation. But I'm a kid so maybe I'm reacting to this from a standpoint of being excitable.

 

I've notice a lot of your posts on other threads pertaining to this situation. I'm really amazed by the number of real, sincere people there seem to be on ENA. As you council others to do, I would recommend you take a risk. I see no reason why he wouldn't like you. Either he's gay and into you, or has a cruel streak, so either way you end up either with your first (I'm assuming) boyfriend, or at least no longer wasting time on someone who's leading you on. Your friend, the brother of the guy you like, ought to understand if he's a good friend if things do turn out badly that you were clearly lead on and meant n0 harm. So make your move and keep us posted!

[BiCurious2011]

Heh, yeah I don't really want to ask for advice and then not give any out myself. I know you adressed this in your post but I'm going to stress it again: the reason I'm not taking a risk, or haven't yet, is because I'm such good friends with his brother. No matter how good of a friend I am though, he's always going to take his twin's side so he could twist it and make it seem as though I was in the wrong somehow...and maybe in his eyes I would be?

 

As I mentioned in an earlier post...he didn't have minutes on his phone Sunday. Since he hasn't texted me so far this week, I'm going to assume he still doesn't have any. The only way I have of contacting him right now his through his brother. Furthermore, even if I could text him (which I never have; doing so could give me many more reasons to think he likes me depending on the frequency of his texts and what they say) it would be very odd if I wanted to hang out i with just him some weekend, and not his brother. His brother already seems to be very jealous (not necessarily because he's romantically interested in me, just jealous that his friend talks to his brother more) and I think he's trying to keep us apart as it already is. And as of now...he has the power to do that. To make matters worse, my great great step-aunt died and her funeral is Friday. (She was one of those people who didn't mean much to me, but she did to people close to me so I have to go to the funeral.) As if that didn't hamper the Thursday - Saturday plans enough, my grandma's nursing home is having an Easter dinner Saturday and she wants me to go. Needless to say, I'm probably not going to get a chance to see him this weekend. I won't get another chance to see him until next weekend. I really hope he gets a phone by then so he can text me! I'm really going to miss him.

 

But I'll definitely keep you posted and let you know if he texts me. And thanks, anonymousSAD, for staying with my thread and my story. It's nice to see someone is so excited for me! Hehe.

[BiCurious2011]

Another thing he did that I thought was trying to send a message. We were at the mall together (me, him, and 3 other people) and he only had 1 earring in, in his LEFT ear (which typically means that you're straight). We went into a store that sold earrings, and he said he wanted to buy a set of earrings. I don't remember exactly what was said, but he made sure to point out that his right ear was already pierced (which can mean that you're bi, but can also mean nothing if both are pierced) but it's the fact that he has his right ear pierced, yet doesn't use that piercing, and still doesn't mind telling us (...me...) that it's pierced. I don't know, I think I'm looking way too much into things but I just thought of this so throwing it out there.

[BiCurious2011]

I'd like to mention a couple more things real quick that makes me think he likes me that I thought of. lol...He play fights/wrestles with me, but he doesn't try to hurt me and if he does he'll appologize. Any other guy he wrestles, he tries to hurt and doesn't appologize if he does.

 

Another thing, you know how I said he only had 2 numbers in his phone, and one of them was mine? Yeah, I didn't give him the number. His brother did. And I'm sure his brother wasn't like "hey, have this guy's phone number". I'm sure he asked for it. I think that REALLY means a lot, but maybe that's just me.

[medicine]

Wow, your posts are really exciting to read. It's like a story that barely happens in real life I suppose that this guy 100% has feelings for you. I happen to be somewhat in a similar situation, but yours is just too bizarre. From the moment you said all the thing he does to you; the actions, comments, discussions all points out that this guy likes you but to what level? that is what you need to find out.

 

But in my opinion that it is a bad idea to kiss him out of nowhere. You need to also consider the possible reactions that he might have like he might think that everything is going too fast, or he might not like you in the certain way you like him, etc. And I am afraid that you might have been making yourself too available for him. Have you ever tried playing hard-to-get with him? Do some kind of experimenting to make him a little jealous like say you have met this new guy friend or w.e and see how he takes it. Urgh, these kinds of situations are like the best stuff to talk about especially if you are going through the same thing (cuz i have mine too Anyways, keep us updated

 

-medicine

[BiCurious2011]

It's good to see all the people that seem to think he's very into me.

 

I don't think I'm making myself THAT available to him. Not anymore than he is really, other than telling him I'm bi-curious when he told me he's straight. And I don't really TRY to make him jealous, but seeing as his twin brother is my best friend it's kinda happening naturally in a very good way. Haha. I don't know, you think I need to make someone else up to make him jealous?

 

I'm also getting conflicting suggestions. Some of you say I SHOULD just kiss him, others say I SHOULDN'T. I won't get a chance to see him at least till next weekend (I might just literally die if I don't see him then) so I have plenty of time to weigh all my options.

 

Anyway, I'd like to mention one more thing I just thought of. ^^ Over the course of last weekend, a lot of pictures wound up on my phone but that exact picture that he put as the background on my phone (the best picture I have of him, really) is on my phone not once, not twice, but three times. Like, someone had purposefully duplicated it twice in case it got deleted (perhaps by his brother, or maybe accidently). And it doesn't seem like it was accidently duplicated, as it was duplicated TWICE...at separate times (which I can tell by where it is in line). Once was most certainly well AFTER it was already the background picture. Why would it have been messed with again? Yeah, I know I over-analyze everything. Perhaps I should be a detective. xD

[anonymousSAD]

Do NOT make someone up to make him jealous. Deception is not a good thing. And I don't really think playing hard to get in general is constructive; it's better to be honest about your feelings. Unless you're getting too obsessed/dependent on him. Then it would be better to learn to pull away and be your own person again. But as long as that's not an issue, I would caution against pretending to like someone else because you might get a result you don't want, such as him deciding you're not interested in HIM and going elsewhere.

[BiCurious2011]

Yeah, I was kinda afraid that might happen if I played hard to get...

[Wager]

Hi, BiCurious! I’ll tell you right off the bat – I don’t have any grand revelations about this. But I blame you for that. You are obviously a very intelligent, perceptive person and you have outlined these encounters with a fair-minded perspective to include both pros and cons for why this guy might be acting as he is.

 

Sometimes it seems like when someone comes to the board to present a case of ‘are they or are they not interested,’ they stack the deck to make it lean one predisposed way or another, which could easily be a subconscious maneuver, or due to poor insight; I’m not saying it is a deliberate deception, by any means.

 

But you have given us enough detail to consider any outcome, and it seems overwhelmingly like this particular guy is interested in you as more than a strictly platonic friend. Giving you the red flower and specifically designating it as a symbol of ‘love,’ sharing not only the bed but uniquely the blankets with you, continuously making direct or subtle references to sex and sexual things, and all of the excuses he seems to find to touch you, not just affable, buddying-around, clumsy contact, but purposefully gentle and sweet exchanges, like taking your hands in his to show you how to play his guitar, rough-housing with you, but expressly displaying care to see you are not hurt by him and if he does inadvertently wallop you, apologizing, as well as ensuring you land atop him when goofing around with the ring-around-the-rosie incident – all make me believe this is a guy who is into you.

 

I’ve certainly seen straight men act in a manner with each other when purely joking around that could line up with much of what you said – but not all of what you noted. Thinking over the people I know and the interactions I’ve witnessed, including pretty provocative seeming exchanges, if taken out of context, like one holding the other down and pretending (albeit with much physical miming) to hump the other, another pair purposefully painting each other’s toenails just to be silly – it all still stops before those interactions could be remotely construed as intimate. Physical, yes, even sexual if you were to simply put them down on paper and show them to an objective party to make a guess at – but not once intimate.

 

I think the difference is ‘cozy.’ I’ve seen plenty of straight men who were not at all interested in each other romantically or sexually act so very comfortable with each other that absolutely any joke goes – but there is a huge difference to me between comfortable and cozy. They are comfortable enough with themselves and each other to literally pin the other and grind with abandon against that person (and not always fully clothed), for the sake of being silly, or even just to supremely unsettle the other person and build up awkward tension that the instigator then exploits to every ounce of its energy for a laugh. However, I have never seen them do anything that was vaguely, even tenuously cozy.

 

No snuggling together under the same blankets to sleep, no truly gently holding each other close to impart a music lesson, no thoughtfully retrieving a pretty red flower for the other – those acts are all correlated in my estimation by the common theme of being signs the guy is not only comfortable with you to be his true, organic self around you, but that in that comfort, he chooses to take it a step further and offer you part of that self, by caressing you, cuddling with you, teaching you the guitar with a very hands-on approach, offering you a token of his affection (the flower).

 

So all of this (as well as everything else you touched on – including the less overt intimations, like your discovering you are one of only two contacts saved in his phone favorites, and he had to have outright solicited someone, most likely his brother, for that information) makes me think he is at the very least attracted to you with a sexual, romantic, or both, intentions.

 

However…

 

Whether or not you should pursue it brings me pause and here is my reasoning on the matter for your consideration.

 

You describe the first twin as being one of your closer friends, almost a best friend to you, and getting involved with the relations, even other close friends of your best friend can be a bit thorny. Not only do you have to deal with the potential fallout of a relationship not working out for whatever reason it might fail, there are any number of complications that can arise even if the romantic relationship blossoms beautifully and prospers until the end of time, like the odd-man-out’s jealousy or insecurity.

 

Even simple matters, like pairing off for a car ride, snuggling up at a movie, holding hands when you all are out as a group can have some dividing properties to the initial friendship just by the nature of being a more intense connection with your romantic partner. You might find yourself continuously playing peace-maker between these two twins, constantly called upon to smooth feathers, provided reassurance and mend trampled feelings – deservedly so, or not.

 

Now this is not to discourage you from pursing a romantic relationship with twin two in and of itself. It is simply something to be aware of, and to verify with yourself that you are ready and willing to deal with – if it even comes up. (It likely will, but of course, everyone is different) However, what if you become romantically involved with twin two, and the worst happens and it does not work out? Are you prepared to risk the relationship with twin one to take a chance on twin two? I’m not saying you should or should not be – this is purely a question for you to confirm the answer with yourself.

 

And there is no guarantee that even if you hook up with twin two and it does not work out for whatever reason that twin one would be necessarily unhappy with you for the outcome. It could be that he would simply be happy to have you ‘back’ without attachment to his brother, and welcome the conclusion of your romantic relationship for the upshot of having your attention restored to him, alone, in the family. This is only an element for you to consider, not one that should in any way make the decision for you, on its own.

 

My best advice to you, biased by my own perspective, which is usually fairly circumspect when it comes to these scenarios, is to enjoy the flirting and the excitement of interaction with twin two – but to keep it on that level.

 

Deepening it might risk unnecessary and problematic complications with not only twin one, but your circle of friends, at large. If you keep twin two as a fun, blithe and lighthearted flirtation, you always have the option of taking it to the next level later, especially so if you two have strengthened your own friendship, not to mention you get plenty more time to get to know him and take pleasure in that stirring, special excitement between two people who have not taken the formal plunge together. All those butterflies with ‘does-he? Doesn’t he?’ and ‘will we? Won’t we?’ that swirl happily around two people that are interested in each other, but as of yet have not taken the step of advancing together toward a new plane in their relationship.

 

But if you do want to take that plunge, you have my complete support and avid interest and encouragement. I am absolutely not attempting to dissuade you from it if it is what you want. I would root for you whole-heartedly and with sincere anticipation of a favorable outcome for your efforts based on the numerous and weighty signals twin two has given you that he is, in fact, interested in and receptive to a romantic entanglement with you.

 

Ultimately, I do not think you can go wrong with whatever you decide, unless one or more of the twins or close friends involved act like a total flake, which, while annoying for you to deal with, still falls, at the end of the day, in the ‘not-your-problem’ camp. (I realize you would still have to confront the unpleasantness of someone else’s poor behavior, and it’s not as easily done as said to suggest that if the person in question, whatever their connection to you, turns out to be a judgmental, carping fool, they are not worth your time and effort – but that is more than a mere platitude. That is entirely true, troublesome as it can be to tackle and put behind you. If anyone acts like an idiot about the two of you hooking up, whether it is your good friend twin one or anyone else, they would have likely displayed equal ridiculous reaction to something else, and it’s far better to know such about them and excise them from your life sooner rather than later. Easy, no. Necessary, yes. I hope it never comes to that, but if it does, I hope you glean some comfort from knowing you are in the right, deserve to be respected regardless your romantic choices in this, and that people who suck find a way to suck no matter the circumstances and you are better to be free of them, even if you are disappointed to learn they turned out to be so full of suck, at all.) (That is officially the most ‘suck’ I have ever conceded in a post )

 

So if you pursue what seem to me to be clear green-lights from twin two, I would expect twin one to be more than a bit discomfited based on what you describe about the two of them being extraordinarily competitive and some of the behaviors he has exhibited, already (like the ‘look’ when you hugged twin two last and arguing over who got to sit next to you). He may be insecure about sharing you with his brother from the very basic compulsion of not wanting to split your attention with anyone, much less someone he vies with so frequently, already. He may be romantically interested in you, himself, but was taking the time to work into acknowledging it, much less acting on it, and is now propelled into addressing his feelings because of his brother’s interest in you. He may be out-and-out jealous because of his own pursuit of you, or because he is strictly enamored of you as a friend, but not a friend he wants to share with his brother, or some combination of both.

 

Someone else’s behavior or issues do not automatically become your problem, but there is also no way to avoid the consequences of their feelings, whether or not those feelings are justified. You do not have to make your decision based upon what twin one may or may not do as a result of it, but I would be aware of it simply for the sake of making your own life easier and more enjoyable.

 

You are obviously a smart and clever person. My impression of you from reading your posts here and on other threads is that you are a delightful human being who genuinely enjoys life and takes pain to make life more enjoyable for others. You are hilarious, and based on some of the encounters you recount between you and other people, I think you must be a fun, engaging person to be around. You come accross as attractive and confident, gregarious and charming. I do not note these things merely to compliment you on them, though I certainly give you much respect for being such an appealing and positive person, but because I think that if you do not pursue a romantic relationship with twin two, you will have no shortage of alternatives and opportunities to find someone special or many someones, come to that, in the future.

 

Just because twin two is an option at the moment does not obligate you to pursue it, especially if the potential trade-offs, such as your relationship with his brother, are too costly to risk, right now. This is not to say you cannot or should not pursue it – only that you should not feel you have to, just because it is available. If you are not completely comfortable or certain this is what you want to do, for whatever reason, do not feel like you have no choice.

 

I realize that dating is difficult for many people in the best of circumstances, and that chancing accross the right person even at the wrong time is a tempting proposition (or, for that matter, the wrong person at precisely the right time), but I want to make sure you and you alone are interested in pursing this for your own motivations and agenda, not because it is available to you and someone else wants you for their own. I do not think someone as remarkable as yourself is going to have tremendous trouble finding any number of interested and interesting parties, if you want to preserve this particular relationship as a friends-with-flirtations styled one, and seek less complicated situations for romance.

 

But, again, if you decide you want to explore this with this particular person at this time, I would support you with every fiber of my being and root vigorously for your every success. I see no reason (other than the cautions I brought up, of course) to not do so. It truly depends on what you want, when and why.

 

I hope any of this helps you even the slightest amount, if only for the reason that someone out there genuinely cares about what you are doing and what happens in your future – and I implore you to let us know how it goes, whatever you decide. You’ll be in my very optimistic thoughts! If I can clarify anything I’ve said, or offer any more advice, please do let me know. You are welcome to contact me by private message, as well, if I do not see a particular thread.

 

My very best to you in this and all things, BiCurious! Thanks for sharing your story!

 

Wager

[medicine]

What I meant by making him jealous in a sense that he wouldn't think you are not interested and might push him away , but in a way where it can simply help you figure him out where he might take your relationship further reminding him that you are still available to everyone. It's like taking one step backwards and two steps forward And I understand that deception is a bad thing, but its human nature and we are doing this out of love and not hate. But if you think that it may not be a good idea, then it's best that you don't try this method It is good to know that he likes hanging out with you because it makes everything easier to classify his feelings towards you. Out of curiosity, what is he like?

 

And Wager^ gave an excellent explanation of what might be going on between your friendship, try to analyze but don't over-analyze. Keep us updated

 

-medicine

[Chiyomaster]

That's so messed up and sick dude. But I'd leave that little boy alone...it's illegal for someone your age to be with him! Not to mention...you could end up raping him to go to jail if it leads up to that. I'd stongly suggest staying off that site unless you want to get arrested for your own safety...no offence but your decking this guys life in so many ways. Just stay true to yourself and others online but I'd stay off those sites because everyone lies one way or another like you did. You'll get over him soon I promise

[BiCurious2011]

Wager: Thanks for your advice! I feel more confident than ever that he's into me. I'm still not sure what I'll do. I'll just leave it at flirtations for now, but may pursue more later.

 

medicine: Thanks for your advice too. I may try to think of something to do to make him jealous but not make myself look unavailable.

 

Chiyomaster: *deleted*

[Wager]

Hi, BiCurious! You are most welcome and please, please keep in touch about what is happening in your life, whether with this specific case, or in general. I am rooting for you! I strongly suggest you wait, deepen the flirting and the friendship and keep your options open, but that's really just because it is what I would do in your situation, not because of the details of this particular situation. Either way, I want to know what happens next! I wish you the very, very best in this and all things.

 

Chiyomaster, I think you may be thinking of another thread, here (and if so, frankly, I agree with you, even if I would put it in different terms. Again, just me. ) and I am curious to see if there is any response on the other thread and if it is at all receptive to truly owning such horrific behavior, both in the past and continuing to this point, something I do not believe the OP appreciates is actually happening.

 

Be well!

 

Wager

[BiCurious2011]

Wager, I think you're right: his response was probably meant for that other thread. XD I hope noone else read what I wrote besides you. Oh well! I'm going to send you another private message now; waiting for reply.

[Imaginary]

Have you seen him again recently? How have things been going?

[BiCurious2011]

Thanks for asking...but it's been 2 Sundays ago (12 days) since I've seen him and it looks like I won't again this weekend. I think his brother is trying to prevent him from seeing me, but I don't know. If I get a chance to see him or talk to him I'l ldefinitely update everyone on what's going on.