Severe Anxiety in Relationships and it's Inevitable Demise

[katka]

 

 

I need help. Major. I know that I get incredibly and irrationally anxious when in a relationship. My perspective is whacked (so I've been told). For example, if the guy I'm seeing isn't home when I call and I leave a message and I don't get a call back that night. I freak. My mind starts automatically thinking that he doesn't like me anymore, he's avoiding my calls, he'll never call back, this is it...so this starts the cycle. I get angry at what I preceived as his neglect so he'll eventually sense my irritability...and so on. I am so afraid of being left or rejected that I basically CAUSE it! Does anyone go through this and how do you stop? The example that I gave is what I'm going through right now and I know it's my warped perspective. I feel crazy!

[troublegirl]

Hey

I think you need to do some serious self analyzation. Try to sit down with a journal and think about things that make you nervous. Don't focus on your relationship with this guy. Have you been abandoned by someone you love? Have you been in an abusive relationship? You may simply be responding to some unresolved issues that can be worked through. Many times when we fail to heal our own problems we end up projecting them onto our loved ones. You need to work on this because no one likes to have their significant other be suspicious of them.

 

You also may just have an anxiety disorder. This can be corrected with therapy and medicine and isn't anything to be ashamed or afraid of.

[out_of_context]

katka - everyone gets a little paranoid now and then. What would be nice is if you could find someone that understands your personality makeup and calls u back that night and gives you reason to be reassured. You're right in a sense that at any moment anything can happen. If you think he is deliberately delaying calling you back to make you feel like you need him more, consider mirroring his actions (without bitterness). When you don't return his calls immediately, you'll realize it's okay not to call back that night. It's clear that intellectually you understand that the sky is not necessarily going to fall down if he doesn't call back this night but clearly that isn't enough. You need to know and feel it as well. Try to accept the way you are (what else can you really do?) and take little steps towards where you'd like to be.