Oneironaut Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Personally, I disagree with blocking. In my opinion, the Dumpee comes accross as calmer, cooler, and more accepting if they just don't answer...blocking makes them appear angry and unable to handle reality by simply plugging their ears and shouting, "LALALALALA, I can't HEAR YOUUUU!" But, everyone has different ideas of what works. You have to find what's best for you, and go with it. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Personally, I disagree with blocking. In my opinion, the Dumpee comes accross as calmer, cooler, and more accepting if they just don't answer...blocking makes them appear angry and unable to handle reality by simply plugging their ears and shouting, "LALALALALA, I can't HEAR YOUUUU!" But, everyone has different ideas of what works. You have to find what's best for you, and go with it. The purpose of blocking is for the dumpee. It doesn't matter what the dumper thinks, it's about not having someone screw with your feeling, and being able to move onto a healthy place. Some of these people will string you along, as they love the attention. This is very hurtful and keeps her attached to him. Link to comment
chiqueangel Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 I don't know if I want him back or not. The longer the days we've been separated, it makes me want him less. It makes me love him less. Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Whether you want him back, or don't want him back - he doesn't want to commit to you. So in order to heal, NC is your only option. Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 The purpose of blocking is for the dumpee. It doesn't matter what the dumper thinks, it's about not having someone screw with your feeling, and being able to move onto a healthy place. Some of these people will string you along, as they love the attention. This is very hurtful and keeps her attached to him. As I said, it's a matter of personal preference. Some recovering alcoholics can go into bars and simply order a soda...some avoid bars altogether because they are afraid to be tempted. Everyone is different, and giving, "one-size-fits-all" advice just doesn't work in human relationships, which are varied and complex. Link to comment
chiqueangel Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 Yes, I'm going to do NC in order to see things really clearly since I'm in an emotional rollercoaster ride. I'm tired of torturing myself thinking that I lost the love of my life wherein fact, he lost me. I need to gain my self-worth because I need to learn to be patient to heal and it's not an overnight pill I could take. The past days were tough because we do communicate but I need to face the reality and accept that it's over and not meant to be no matter how I want it to be meant to be. I like your advices dramallama. blunt and precise. clear perspective Link to comment
chiqueangel Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 As I said, it's a matter of personal preference. Some recovering alcoholics can go into bars and simply order a soda...some avoid bars altogether because they are afraid to be tempted. Everyone is different, and giving, "one-size-fits-all" advice just doesn't work in human relationships, which are varied and complex. It depends on the person really how will they take it and overcome the situation. I, myself, keep on telling that I need to move on but I'm stuck in the bottom because I'm still holding on to something that's not there. I need to face what's there for me in order to accept and move on. It will be really hard because we've been through hell keeping the relationship and the last resort was to give everything up because that's the only right thing to do no matter how much we want to be together, we just couldn't force it anymore. That's what I need to accept, which is somehow still unclear to me. He made the decision of breaking up with me and that will remain the same no matter how hard I cry and beg him to come back. Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Agreed completely. Crying and begging does absolutely nothing but make you look desperate and needy. I suppose the reason I resist the blocking advice is because had I done that, I wouldn't be back with my boyfriend now, happier than ever because we are working on the issues that broke us up in the first place. If -you- feel the need to block his communication, then by all means, do so. Really, these forums are meant to give suggestions, not hard-core, "YOU MUST DO THIS" executive orders. You have to sift through the suggestions and find what works for you. Please hang in there, you will get through this...we've all been there, and it DOES get better. I promise. Link to comment
chiqueangel Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 I hope so. Writing to this thread made me realize that I am already tired of crying. It's like I've cried a bucket of tears already just to live a day. I want things to be better for me. I am not thinking of the relationship anymore because it's useless, since it's gone. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Hi there, Im so sorry your suffering, im going through it myself so know your hurt. I think you need to let go now and have NC at all, he has spoken to you to ease his own pain, lets face up to it, breaking up is never easy, hes probably a bit lonely after having you to fall on and be there for him for the last 2 years but that doesnt mean its going to happen again. I know its hard but you have to cut the ties now, im 3 months in to this as she strung me for over 2 of those months and so i only got proper closure 3 weeks ago so believe me ive got a little experience here, do yourself a big favour, google THE STAGES OF GRIEVING DEATH LOSS, it really helped me and showed me where i am and where im going, it kinda gives hints aswell as what you should maybe be doing. Hope this helps A new friend Link to comment
Karma20 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Your ex is telling you he doesn't want to be with you. He doesn't miss you because if he did then he would be with you. When an ex tells you they miss but don't want to be with you all they are saying is I think of you every once in awhile. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Agreed completely. Crying and begging does absolutely nothing but make you look desperate and needy. I suppose the reason I resist the blocking advice is because had I done that, I wouldn't be back with my boyfriend now, happier than ever because we are working on the issues that broke us up in the first place. If -you- feel the need to block his communication, then by all means, do so. Really, these forums are meant to give suggestions, not hard-core, "YOU MUST DO THIS" executive orders. You have to sift through the suggestions and find what works for you. Please hang in there, you will get through this...we've all been there, and it DOES get better. I promise. If he wants to reconcile, there certainly other methods (coming to her home) of communicating other than the phone and FB. This about her healing! Link to comment
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