chiqueangel Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 My ex and I talked on the phone awhile ago. He said that he misses me and he's having a hard time with what's happening with us right now and the only way for him to move forward is that to think that breaking up is the right decision for us because we have so many unanswered questions why we ended up like this. He just keeps himself busy not to think about it but he really does miss me. We broke up because when we argue, we look as if we can't make up a decision that's okay for the both of us. We have past issues that we can't resolve. What do you think? Do we need time apart? Link to comment
jd438 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 You've tried to resolve these issues? If he's not willing to work on resolving issues and getting to the root of problems to make things better then I guess it's for the best that you spend time apart and move on. Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 He might miss you, but he doesn't want to be with you. I'm sue that if he wants to work on the issues with you, he'll let you know. Tell him that if he doesn't want to reconcile, it's best if you both don't keep in touch. It will stop you analysing like this, and you cannot do the friends thing since you are analysing him even now. Not only do you need time apart, but he is TELLING you that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. He might miss you, but not enough to take action and ask for reconciliation. If you don't want to be in limbo anymore, you need to take action and cut ties. Link to comment
chiqueangel Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 You've tried to resolve these issues? If he's not willing to work on resolving issues and getting to the root of problems to make things better then I guess it's for the best that you spend time apart and move on. Yes we actually did. But before we've been actually together, he already told me that we wouldn't work as a couple but still, we ended up together. He thinks that we should force ourselves to be in a relationship because it will come back eventually if fate and destiny will give us a chance. Link to comment
doubtfulwonder Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Agreed. Avoiding the problems will not make them go away. It takes both sides to try and resolve these issues or at least to make sense of them all. Without good communication, having a relationship can be very difficult. It might be time to move on or at the very least, take the time apart to really think about things. Link to comment
chiqueangel Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 He might miss you, but he doesn't want to be with you. I'm sue that if he wants to work on the issues with you, he'll let you know. Tell him that if he doesn't want to reconcile, it's best if you both don't keep in touch. It will stop you analysing like this, and you cannot do the friends thing since you are analysing him even now. Not only do you need time apart, but he is TELLING you that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. He might miss you, but not enough to take action and ask for reconciliation. If you don't want to be in limbo anymore, you need to take action and cut ties. It sucks that I feel this way dramallama. I've been reading all your posts and makes me hope that I will get better from this heartbreak. He's taking action to let things go through its course. We might need this time apart to think things through so that we won't talk about it ever again. I don't even know if I still want a relationship with him after going through this so much pain. I don't know what I am holding on now, is it because I'm in pain? Or I'm hoping that he still loves me even if he actually tells me but don't believe it? Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 chiqueangel - I see that you have created like 5 threads about your ex not wanting to reconcile. I think instead of creating more threads you should read your past threads, because otherwise you're going to keep posting with the hope of getting the answer you want. But I'm telling you, this guy doesn't want to be with you, and you are letting him stay in touch. Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Pay attention to his actions, not words. He's saying that he misses you and that he's having a rough time, but did he mention he wanted you back? No. Leave him alone and if he continues to talk to you tell him that it's best you don't speak for now. Start getting yourself together and learn to live without him. Live for you. If it's meant to be, it'll happen sometime down the line, if it's not, well then it's not meant to be. Link to comment
chiqueangel Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 Agreed. Avoiding the problems will not make them go away. It takes both sides to try and resolve these issues or at least to make sense of them all. Without good communication, having a relationship can be very difficult. It might be time to move on or at the very least, take the time apart to really think about things. I get the time apart. But the feeling of actually knowing that you were right all long and he's making a mistake bugs me. We've been through a LOT, I mean a LOT. And the saying that, "if you let the person go, if he/she returns, it means that you're meant to be..." That happened to us already before breaking up. He did let me go once, and I returned. And now, he's letting me go again. Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 What type of action is he taking? Does his action consist of getting you back? Or moving away from you? I think you are hoping that this is some break and you two will reconcile. The fact is, it's ALREADY over, and unless he is specifically asking for you back AND it is backed up by action soon after, then you need to stop all contact and move on. Stop bugging him about it because the decision is done on his side, and you have already lost him. If he tries to be friends, don't let him. He can love you all he wants, and miss you, but if he isn't asking to be with you, that's your answer. Link to comment
chiqueangel Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 chiqueangel - I see that you have created like 5 threads about your ex not wanting to reconcile. I think instead of creating more threads you should read your past threads, because otherwise you're going to keep posting with the hope of getting the answer you want. But I'm telling you, this guy doesn't want to be with you, and you are letting him stay in touch. Sorry. I'm just really having a hard time right now. It's like I don't know how to put my head where it supposed to be. I've been through heartbreaks before but this made me well, clueless. Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 But it's not your job to return to him because he dumped you. HE is the one that wants to be free of the relationship, so let him go and make a choice to move on without him. How much talking do you need to do with him before you realise that nothing is coming from it? Treasure the past and what you've been through together, but it's in the past now and he wants a future without you. Face the fear of being without him and you will be set free. Link to comment
chiqueangel Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 What type of action is he taking? Does his action consist of getting you back? Or moving away from you? I think you are hoping that this is some break and you two will reconcile. The fact is, it's ALREADY over, and unless he is specifically asking for you back AND it is backed up by action soon after, then you need to stop all contact and move on. Stop bugging him about it because the decision is done on his side, and you have already lost him. If he tries to be friends, don't let him. He can love you all he wants, and miss you, but if he isn't asking to be with you, that's your answer. Thanks. I guess that should be the answer. Maybe I'm still hoping that there's still something left for the both of us but there's a part of me saying that I don't want this relationship anymore too because of the pain I'm feeling now. It's like that I'm in denial yet a part of me accepts it, rationally. Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 This will take time to get through. NC will help a lot. Stop talking to him, tell him that you have no interest in keeping in touch, unless he wants to take action to reconcile. Delete him from facebook, change your privacy settings, stop going to places where you might bump into him, put all of his stuff in a box out of sight. If you do all of that and more (I'm sure you can think of some more) then you will feel better. Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Your heart needs time to catch up with your head. That's where NC comes in. Link to comment
chiqueangel Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 I want him to leave me alone if he doesn't really want to reconcile with me. It bugs me that when he feels like it, he'll find a way to see me then tells me not to expect anything. But then, he does everything. It sucks that I feel like I am the one trying to fix the mistakes he's made wherein fact, it is not my fault after all. Every time I feel strong enough to face the reality, then he'll haunt me again and I return back to zero again. His words mean he doesn't want the relationship, but his actions don't relate to what he's saying. In my mind, I know there's someone better for me because I know that people who leave us means that there will be someone better for us that would not break our heart and make things right. Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 You are thinking like a victim. He has only been let back into your life in the past because you have let him. He's playing with you, but you are just as bad for not putting up boundaries and honouring them, AND making other people honour them. If he wants you back he will make CLEAR and REPEATED action to make you his girlfriend again. If he isn't, then keep moving forward. I'm not trying to come down on you, but the victim mentality does not help because it allows you to avoid taking responsibility for your actions and part in it. It also gives you an excuse to stay in touch with you ex, but people can only be in your life if you choose for them to be. You are the one that is in control, so act like it. Have you deleted him from facebook? Link to comment
chiqueangel Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 You are thinking like a victim. He has only been let back into your life in the past because you have let him. He's playing with you, but you are just as bad for not putting up boundaries and honouring them, AND making other people honour them. If he wants you back he will make CLEAR and REPEATED action to make you his girlfriend again. If he isn't, then keep moving forward. I'm not trying to come down on you, but the victim mentality does not help because it allows you to avoid taking responsibility for your actions and part in it. It also gives you an excuse to stay in touch with you ex, but people can only be in your life if you choose for them to be. You are the one that is in control, so act like it. Have you deleted him from facebook? He doesn't have facebook. I deleted him in my contacts list and stored away everything he gave me. I just don't know if it's right to tell him to stay away from me because it bothers me already that he's trying to be friends with me and says stuff that he misses me and he's having a hard time dealing with our situation but I want to end everything now because I am not functioning well already. You've been a great help dramallama. Thank you so much. Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 You must understand that someone can miss and love you, but not want to be in a relationship with you. There is a difference. If he wants to be with you, he WILL tell you so and be clear about it AND put in the effort to make it happen (ask to see you to specifically talk about the relationship, work around your schedule). Unless that happens, you MUST remember that he broke up with you, and that is his choice so he must live with the consequence of breaking up with you. You are not his girlfriend or his friend. That was his choice, so let him lie in the bed he's made which means YOU have to make like a ninja and disappear. Feel free to send this to him. It may not stop him from contacting you entirely, but if you stick with what you say and stick with NC, then his contacted should die down. It will also help you to move on because unless he is clear that his intention is to work towards reconcilation straight away, then you can breath easier knowing that any other contact, even an "I miss you" does NOT mean he wants to get back together. (Trust me, I've seen that one backfire before). *your ex's name" I cannot be in contact with you anymore. Even though I disagree with your decision to break up, I respect it. But I would appreciate if you would only contact me if it is clearly to reconcile. Otherwise, if that is not your intention, please give me the space that I need to move on. All the best and take care. *your name*" You're welcome. Thanks for being so receptive. Please keep this thread updated. Link to comment
doubtfulwonder Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I'm dealing with some things as well. So I totally feel for you! A lot of thoughts creep up in my head from time to time. Stay strong It may seem really tough right now but with time it will eventually get better. Link to comment
chiqueangel Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 Because I know that I've done everything and I don't regret anything before we broke up. He was the one even apologizing that he's not done enough for the relationship that he's just a person who has an end to everything as well. He just wants to see if everything will work out if we don't force each other to be in a relationship since in the first place, we ended up together not forcing to be in a relationship. I just want him to know that I want to really end things with him because I'm hurting so much and I know that it's really time to move on and I have accepted that fact. I know it won't be my loss if ever I ended all communications with him because I was the one who's dumped. I want to breath easier knowing that there's nothing to look back at anymore. Thanks dramallama. Link to comment
chiqueangel Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 I'm dealing with some things as well. So I totally feel for you! A lot of thoughts creep up in my head from time to time. Stay strong It may seem really tough right now but with time it will eventually get better. Thanks. I know it will. It's really hard, seriously. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I want him to leave me alone if he doesn't really want to reconcile with me. It bugs me that when he feels like it, he'll find a way to see me then tells me not to expect anything. But then, he does everything. It sucks that I feel like I am the one trying to fix the mistakes he's made wherein fact, it is not my fault after all. Every time I feel strong enough to face the reality, then he'll haunt me again and I return back to zero again. His words mean he doesn't want the relationship, but his actions don't relate to what he's saying. In my mind, I know there's someone better for me because I know that people who leave us means that there will be someone better for us that would not break our heart and make things right. Why aren't you blocking this guy? If he wanted to be with you, he would. The guy is totally stringing you along for an ego stroke. Time to move on! Link to comment
chiqueangel Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 Why aren't you blocking this guy? If he wanted to be with you, he would. The guy is totally stringing you along for an ego stroke. Time to move on! He keeps coming back wanting to see me but still doesn't feel the urge of reconciling. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 He keeps coming back wanting to see me but still doesn't feel the urge of reconciling. You need to block him completely. The phone, FB, everything. He is totally stringing you along, and you're allowing him to hurt you. You need to tell him to only contact you if he wants a reconciliation, otherwise, leave you alone. He's not respecting you or your feelings! Check out link removed it will really help you with what you are experiencing. Link to comment
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