Why are people such "Princesses"?

[John Cage]

I noticed that a lot of people I know are such "Princesses"; even some guys act this way (albeit that I found women act this way more often, no offense intended).

 

What I mean by this is that sometimes people do drastic things with REAL consequences over small emotional motivators. This kind of thinking never flies in the hardcore world of business or any "real" competitive environment. I know people who would take days of work because "they are tired"; I know people who couldn't fall asleep because some "little noises"; I know people who could not bring themselves to function properly because of some distant thought or past event.

 

Emotions take WAY too much importance in these peoples' lives... They don't realize that if they screw up their REAL PHYSICAL well-being, their emotional turmoil will only get worse. I can give so many example on how this is a never-ending negative cycle.

 

1) A gets depressed over having to work pay for school so A gets too depressed to work...

 

A doesn't realize that his depression over a "previous disadvantage" will put him in FURTHER disadvantage when he loses his job. The correct, logical, rational thing to do is to see the outcome of this path and just decide against it.

 

2) B is sad and depressed because he could not meet any friends or connect with anyone so B never leaves for parties and B feels alone

 

B doesn't seem to realize by "feeling bad", he's lowering his own "attractiveness" to potential friends ! Thus the cycle continues !

 

---

 

The list goes on and on about situations that we see on this board everyday. People never stop to think that maybe they are being too weak. Maybe if they stop being such princess, they will have a better chance to achieve what they want. The world is not fair, it's never meant to be. The world is for takers, do'ers, thinkers and generally for people who care enough to CHANGE. Think about what you want, then think about how to achieve it; everything else just derails you.

 

Quit being princesses that need to be taken care of and spoken softly to; suck it up and go change something.

[Shnoodle]

I remember a time in the 90's where people were proud to call themselves "divas", since then the term has been spun to be something more ugly. Don't ruin princess. =P

Self-entitled, helpless, dramatic and needy are all things that annoy me. Ironically enough, today is the first day I've called out of work when I technically could have made it.

[pinkelephant]

I can't sleep if there are noises when I try to. I've always been told it was a princess thing to do and to change it. I've been trying to change that for the past 22 years and I can't. I would if I could, but I can't. I go with ear plugs now, but if they fall out and I hear loud noises, they always wake me up. It's not a choice. =\

[superfox]

my best friend calls me 'princess'

i must stamp my feet a lot then!

[Cheetarah]

How is your girlfriend, by the way? Have things gotten any better since we last spoke?

 

It's my belief that most people generally go through their little "woe is me" periods before getting the strength to dust themselves off. So long as there's an eventual dusting, I don't see why they should be penalized for not operating at the speed of say, you. I think you've got to factor in that some of these people are dealing with things like true depression and low self-esteem, and the answers are not clear, cut and dry like they would be to an outsider. Both of those things among others have a real way of clouding a person's vision and judgment.

[sidehop]

Quit being princesses that need to be taken care of and spoken softly to; suck it up and go change something.

 

And there are other billion things that will annoy others or think people should act the certain way. We are a human after all.

[TidalWave]

People never stop to think that maybe they are being too weak

 

No maybes. They're weak and scared to face it.

[Cheetarah]

No maybes. They're weak and scared to face it.

 

Emotionally-guided people aren't weak.

 

There's a difference between a rut and living your life in fear, consumed by it and allowing it to prevent you from adding anything enriching and fulfilling to your life. We all get in a rut.

 

I'd like to know if you consider people who have gone through traumatic abuse in their lives weak for it affecting them.

[Scott12]

What I mean by this is that sometimes people do drastic things with REAL consequences over small emotional motivators. This kind of thinking never flies in the hardcore world of business or any "real" competitive environment. I know people who would take days of work because "they are tired"; I know people who couldn't fall asleep because some "little noises"; I know people who could not bring themselves to function properly because of some distant thought or past event.

 

So, basically, your advice for someone that is stressed and fatigued is "de-stress!" and your advice for someone with insomnia is "fall asleep!"? If someone is sick, do you command them to "heal thyself!"? Unemployed? "Work!"

 

The list goes on and on about situations that we see on this board everyday. People never stop to think that maybe they are being too weak. Maybe if they stop being such princess, they will have a better chance to achieve what they want. The world is not fair, it's never meant to be. The world is for takers, do'ers, thinkers and generally for people who care enough to CHANGE. Think about what you want, then think about how to achieve it; everything else just derails you.

 

Quit being princesses that need to be taken care of and spoken softly to; suck it up and go change something.

 

Ah, to be young again and invincible in my ignorance. How easy it must be to attribute someone's lack of success, in whatever area, to some sort of moral defect or a deficiency of character, thus providing a sense of moral superiority to those who succeed. The truth is none of us succeed entirely or even mostly of our own merits, and no one fails solely because of their own flaws. We all start off on uneven ground, and the person who winds up King of the Hill almost always started out closer to the top.

 

Scott

[hrtlsngl7]

maybe if they stop being such princess, they will have a better chance to achieve what they want. The world is not fair, it's never meant to be. the world is for takers, do'ers, thinkers and generally for people who care enough to change. Think about what you want, then think about how to achieve it; everything else just derails you.

 

Quit being princesses that need to be taken care of and spoken softly to; suck it up and go change something.

aaaaaaaaaamen !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Shnoodle]

I'm assuming the OP is not painting all people with one brush, as Scott112 passively suggests. I think this post wasn't an attempt to stroke the OP's own ego and make him feel superior, but more likely, out of frustration of dealing with self-entitled, whiny, helpless people.

 

I deal with these people all day at my work. Not people who have tried, failed, and genuinely need help, but people who prissily demand help from the start without any attempt to do it themselves. My sister is also a great example. She's giant. freaking. drama. queen. and I love her to death but I can only stand her in small doses. At 30 she will probably never move out of my mother's house because she's emotionally stuck as a spoiled teenager.

I can definitely see why the OP could be irritated with these people. At ENA I see plenty of posts where people ask for help, but are unwilling to do anything other than feel sorry for themselves.

 

We can say what people "should" and "shouldn't" do till we are blue in the face, but it won't make them do it. While these types of people rub me the wrong way, there's no point in letting myself get upset by them, as it will accomplish nothing.

At the same time, I will never baby them. In part, premadonnas act that way because the people around them have either ignored or enabled it.

 

-but even the best of us are a little princessy here and there.

[generaldiscord]

Your definition of "princess" is different from mine. My definition of "princess" is "person, usually female, who expects and demands lavish gifts as an expression, but wont own up to expecting and demanding them." I dated the rare male princess once, he wanted not monatary gifts, but he expected and got VERY grumpy if I didn't make a 20 minute walk accross a bad neighborhood in the dead of night to see him if he felt he needed someone there to support him for inane reasons such as, "you KNEW I was feeling kind of iffy after that chicken salad. how could you have just left me there!?".

 

That's where our definitions merge. If my reading comprehension is better now than other posters have been complaining about recently (geez, calm down, it's not my first language!) then "princess" is "someone who reacts with devestating severity to real or imagined infractions". To which my answer must be "People are princesses because they're princesses."

 

Take someone, give them an air of entitlement, and allow them to pretend that they neither posess nor have any control over that entitlement. As long as the partner behaves right, every outsider will think "awww, he LOVES getting her teddy bears and chocolate and jewelry for valentines day! She even SAID she didn't expect it!" and you're left with a warm and fuzzy feeling of having gone above and beyond expectations.

 

But, perish the thought, should you leave off the jewelry, that's suddenly a break up offense. You have then a tearful princess who is UPSET that her PONY IS SICK, and doesn't understand why nobody understands her. Because you were never going above and beyond the call of duty, you were barely scraping by.

[TidalWave]

Emotionally-guided people aren't weak.

 

There's a difference between a rut and living your life in fear, consumed by it and allowing it to prevent you from adding anything enriching and fulfilling to your life. We all get in a rut.

 

I'd like to know if you consider people who have gone through traumatic abuse in their lives weak for it affecting them.

 

Since to overcome fears you have to be strong, I consider people who don't or are afraid to weak. That's not to say I condemn them, they just need help. Most of the people are not build with the cheer-leading squad and support unit within themselves. They need someone from outside.

[John Cage]

I can see that this is an issue that I alone suffer from

 

Hi, Mintiya ! Yes, she is getting "better", but I don't know if it's a permanent solution.

 

The compounding issue here is that the "princess" I rant about is CLOSE to me and I cannot just ignore her or let her ruin herself. I am happy to do so when a complete stranger comes up to me and expect help; I will happily tell her "No, earn my desire to help you first."

 

My gf is getting better with her depression... However, she's getting the wrong message. She got it in her head that she needs to take breaks and do all sorts of self-indulging things in order to get better. She got like 200 dollar massages (a few times) and she take days off work because "she couldn't sleep the day before". She IS a lot easier to manage and she no longer breaks out in tears... But is this really a CURE? Or is this akin to drink poison to relieve thirst?

 

I understand that she's a lot LESS stressed; that's obvious, she's not committed to work anymore. However, is this really "dealing" with stress or just "avoiding" it?

 

If she was just a coworker or a whiny friend, I would gladly ignore her; I really don't get bothered by things much... But she's my gf and I love her. I know that if she continues to have this "weak" mindset, then even if she gets over today and tomorrow, she will easier fall victim to another stressful situation or emotional trigger of sorts. I personally believe (naively) that the real solution is to simply UNDERSTAND the issue for what it is. If she could try to approach problems and issues logically and be more result-orientated then things would be a lot better (yes, I understand there's virtually no chance of that happening...).

 

Sometimes, I find that it's very frustrating dealing with someone who's guided solely by emotion. I have a perfect example of this frustration. Remember those movies where the Hero had to face off against the final boss at the end and he tells his gf to leave the scene so he can focus on the fight? What if the gf is so emotionally charged and she REFUSES to leave and her presence affected her hero so much that he actually got killed because her inability to think rationally? Think about how frustrating that is... I swear, if I am ever in that situation where I need a loved one to get away (so he/she won't be used as a human shield or hostage), I would word myself very strongly... Like "GTFO, I don't care that you don't "want" to leave me behind, I just don't want to die because of your incompetence, now GTFO !!! GOD !!!"

[Cheetarah]

Some people need more 'downtime' than others to function better. I don't see the harm in her getting massages(aside from the $200 price tag, hello! Have her look into local hospitals and massage therapy schools, a lot of times students intern and practice there, I've had 60 minute ones for 40 dollars), however, the work issue has the capacity to bite her in the ass. If she can't sleep, then instead of accepting time off work as a long-term solution, she could look into anxiety reduction methods, both natural and medicinal(deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, yoga, vs. sparing use of sleeping aides, anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medications and things of the like).

 

I can say that when the tension drains out of my body via a massage, I am more apt to tackle the issues at hand, and far more focused. I am distracted by one less thing(tension headaches, sore shoulders etc) so I feel more capable of dealing with whatever is stressing me.

 

There's the possibility, of course, that whatever her particular job really is too high-stress for her. I worked for an attorney who left me alone in the office and moved 2 states over. He only came back to file cases and go to court. He kept saying he'd get an attorney for the office but never did. I not only did my job as a legal assistant, but also had to perform consultations, do the banking, regularly run to the courthouse, and draft petitions, all things he had been doing before. I practically lived in that office. A year after he left I couldn't take it anymore, and quit. If she's got a high responsibility job and not the mindset to deal with it, then it's worth her looking into other employment opportunities. Some people thrive in high-stress environments, others get overwhelmed and crumble.

 

One of the keys for your own happiness within this relationship, is accepting what you may view as 'limitations' as a part of her. She's high-strung, easily stressed. There's ways of managing this and making it easier, but most people do not change this as it's a core reaction. The less you try to view it as something changeable - And stop trying to get her to adapt to your ways - The more you will be able to break down this big pill you have a hard time swallowing. If you discover this incompatibility does not surpass love - Because hey, love doesn't conquer all - Then so be it. You don't have to like everything about the person you're with, but you do have to be willing to accept their shortcomings(quote, unquote). Are you?

[Cheetarah]

Since to overcome fears you have to be strong, I consider people who don't or are afraid to weak. That's not to say I condemn them, they just need help. Most of the people are not build with the cheer-leading squad and support unit within themselves. They need someone from outside.

 

Ah TW, I didn't see this, sorry.

 

I don't believe people who are afraid to face a fear are weak - It wouldn't be a fear if they weren't scared. I don't think it makes them weak for dipping their toes in and out a few times before either doing it, or getting a hand. If they go their entire lives ruled by that fear, well, that's incredibly sad because they're robbing themselves of great things.

 

You still haven't answered my question, though. Do you consider...I'll say survivors of abuse, rather than victims, I don't like that word - to be weak for allowing it to affect their lives? I wouldn't say that sort of thing is a fear. The OP mentioned 'distant events' so I thought this sort of scenario would fit in.

[greywolf]

While I somewhat agree, I don't think it's as black and white as that. It's easy to tell a person to 'suck it up' when you don't know exactly what they're going through. Most of the time the problem is much more complex than someone just acting like a "princess."

 

But you know, I used to feel the same way. I looked down on a lot of people and their 'problems', and then I realized something; I'm a much happier person when I worry about myself only and let people worry about themselves. I don't have to live with the results of their actions, so it was just involving myself in something that wasn't my business.

[PonytailFairy]

I am princess. That means I wish well to my countrymen, I want to become along with my neighbour countries and I want to keep pretty dresses and eat well.