My instincts are telling me something about my ex & it's hurtful to think about

[DN]

You have a right to your feelings. But they have a right to theirs as well. From their perspective, if they are getting together, this isn't about disrespecting you - it's about them and their attraction to each other.

 

Sorry, but you don't get to veto who your ex goes out with. No one should have that sort of power or control.

[Oneironaut]

Is there anyone else out there who agrees with me too on how I'm feeling about this? I need more support here from people who understand where I'm coming from. Not just about my ex and my friend possibly having an attraction together but also about how I feel confused about the break up and think maybe he left me to pursue her. Does it seem likely from what I have mentioned? He really had an easy time leaving me and it seemed to come out of nowhere...it seemed odd and I felt it was odd.

Anything similar happen to anyone before where someone dumped you on a crush over someone else and tried to get the chance to pursue that person not knowing if they would respond positively back?

 

I believe a lot of people completely understand where you are coming from here. My first love, when I was 18, dumped me and started going out with my best friend...needless to say, our friendship didn't last, because I felt betrayed by both. Now, years later, I truly don't give a rat's behind about either of them, especially after finding out that he ended up marrying her sister and they both became alcoholic drug addicts.

 

You say you need "more support" from people who understand where you're coming from. I understand that some people here are rather harsh with their advice, and I'm not one to tell you to "get over it", like others, because human emotions simply don't work that way for many of us. But "support" comes about in many forms, and really, most everyone on here is trying to support you by telling you that the CAUSE of your pain is you looking at his FB page, and that only YOU can stop that pain at the source.

 

No one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to click on that Bookmark, or type in that link...so my question is, why do you keep doing it?

[lady00]

I think when a friend starts dating your ex in a situation where you still have feelings for the ex then that friendship is pretty much over. And that's OK. They have a right to date each other if that's what they want. They have the free will to do that. But you also have the right to not check facebook accounts and to do everything you can to limit contact with them so you can heal.

 

Full disclosure: I dated an ex's best friend once so I'm not saying everyone who dates their friend's ex is a horrible person. I don't think my ex's friend is a horrible person just because he pursued me after my relationship with my ex was over. In my case, my ex dumped me and immediately started dating someone else so I figured I was free to date his friend because we were both attracted to each other and my ex had moved on. On the other hand, I have several married friends. If god forbid they were to end their marriages, would I pursue any of their ex husbands? No, it would just seem really strange to me and yes, it would seem like a form of betrayal. So I guess what I think of these things depends a lot on the circumstances of the breakup and the length and seriousness of the relationship that ended.

[eyesopen33]

She was not a true friend if she started dating your ex right away. Yes, they both have the right to do that, but there were probably signs that this was upcoming. Cut her out of your life completely, and refuse to ever talk to her again - meaning give her no friendship back in return. You see, in life there are gains and losses, but only we are in control of setting those in motion for people.

 

It sounds like she had zero respect for your feelings, so why give her anything positive of you in return. She does not deserve it.

 

I've been where you are in life, and have tried to be civil to people that have gone behind my back in different ways. The older you get, the more of backbone you will develop, and you'll just start to tell yourself "fu*k em."

 

If you are still working with her, avoid her like the plague. If you can't avoid her, consider getting another job, or consider setting her up at work. Prey on her weaknesses. Are you aware of anything she has done at your job that could get her in some trouble at all?

 

Life can be tough at times. Seek people that are supportive. Fu*k the rest.

Peace.

[eyesopen33]

"also I learned something : you don't really know who people are ! they may be a friend or a lover but you can never really know what they are thinking all the time .... so yeah

sometimes people say one thing and do the other and if you see their true colors then maybe its best to just cut contact all together... """"

 

That's right. Actions speak louder than words and anybody can say anything. Also, you truly never do know what someone may be thinking, which is why we must look at and examine their actions. Don't let this guy get the best of you. Do your best to move on. The pain of it all will subside with time. I promise you that. And if for any reason he should come crawling back to you, do not take him back. I repeat, do not take him back. There are tons of fish out in that sea of a world. You just have to have faith that God will put the right person in your life someday at the right time. If you're having trouble dealing with all of this on your own, try picking up the Bible and reading the Psalms. It's a source of strength and healing. If he does come crawling back to you, I pray that you have enough strength inside to deliver him some God given karma.

Peace.