dyna Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 i broke up with my ex last week but we have a 3year old boy together who i love soo much im worried about the effect this will have on him pls help! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 The both of you need to let him know that he is very loved by the both of you and nothing can change that. Strive to have a normal life as possible with normal routines. Children often think they are to blame. Just make his life secure and let him know he is loved exactly the same and that will go a long way to making him feel better. I am sorry for your break up. Link to comment
RedDress Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 There is no such thing as the perfect childhood (there is always SOMETHING - a bad teacher, a traumatic event, even the pressure to be TOO perfect)... so let go of that idea right now. Children learn about relationship dynamics from the influencial relationships around them (including parents). If you were in a bad relationship with all sorts of yelling, toxic dynamics, etc - your child is better off seeing you as a strong, independent person than a weak person in a bad relationship. Children are incredibly resiliant. You'd be surprised. We like to bubble-wrap them in today's society... but they WILL survive. Your son will be ok.... worry about yourself. A child needs a healthy parent (both emotionally and physically). Your #1 responsibility is NOT to your son but to YOURSELF. Without YOU, you cannot care for your son. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Your son will reflect your attitudes and behaviors, so be mindful of what you project onto your babe. If you come off as a nervous wreck, then you'll upset him. If you stay calm and solid, that's pretty much all he needs to know. Don't fight with ex in front of him or over the phone near him. Don't speak of the ex to anyone where he can hear you--and don't fool yourself about what he can overhear. Don't torture son with garbage about ex, such as, "Daddy was supposed to come today, but he didn't." Kids don't have a calendar to manage and don't need to know about things in advance. When something good happens, raise it with him, when something bad happens, don't. Don't hold up potential damage to your son as a way to manipulate ex, or you'll end up causing the damage rather than preventing it. Link to comment
dyna Posted March 13, 2011 Author Share Posted March 13, 2011 thank you for the kind words i am trying to make it as normal as i can for him i have him for 3 nights tomorrow cant wait but what does concern me is my ex was texting another guy for the last month and letting him into our home while i was working nights hence the break up (by her btw)turns out they are alreadly an item albeit secretly after me being gone 6 days lol i just dont want my son to lose me from everyday life and have to instantly adjust to the new guy there he must be soo confused and he has already started rebelling against her Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 this is my story, i dont know the ins and outs of yours, but what i have found to be more important than anything else....is that no matter what happens I NEVER EVER EVER EVER walk away from my son. I fight every single day for my son and nothing else matters. when i think i simply just cant get through the day....i think of him. after my split with my ex my son had a period of about 4 weeks where when i was with him he just wouldnt leave my side, he was my shadow, he is only now just starting to calm and get settled, he will be fine and so will yours. good luck its a tough journey but ultimately be a good father and nobody can ask anything more of you. Jonesy Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 thank you for the kind words i am trying to make it as normal as i can for him i have him for 3 nights tomorrow cant wait but what does concern me is my ex was texting another guy for the last month and letting him into our home while i was working nights hence the break up (by her btw)turns out they are alreadly an item albeit secretly after me being gone 6 days lol i just dont want my son to lose me from everyday life and have to instantly adjust to the new guy there he must be soo confused and he has already started rebelling against her What does you lawyer say about this? You're in legal advice territory, which will vary based on location. File what you need to file to put financial and social protections in place. Link to comment
dyna Posted March 13, 2011 Author Share Posted March 13, 2011 thanks for the advice jonesy .ill post the ins and out tomorrow ms catfeeder my son is a poduct of a 10 year relationship/marrige and divorce ive always paid her money for him and had an agreement for having him overnight all above board lol Link to comment
Azerak Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I never wish this to happen to a family I am hoping to make... But the best thing to do is nothing except make your son happy because that is the spark to your endless fighting to give him the happiness and love he deserves... Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 catfeeder my son is a poduct of a 10 year relationship/marrige and divorce ive always paid her money for him and had an agreement for having him overnight all above board lol That's not the point. If you believe that ex is conducting herself in a way that's damaging to your son by bringing strange men into your son's home, then that's not something YOU can negotiate and has zero to do with your support. It's a legal issue for which you need legal advice. I also don't understand how a breakup of 6 days translates into 'always' paying and having a legal visitation agreement already in place. How can you 'always' pay over a 6 day period--what's up with that? Link to comment
dyna Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 ive always made sure that my son had a share of my wage every week from the time we split up in aug 09 but even when we got back together i still made sure i was looking after my sons future by paying that money. as for the visitation bit we already had a 2night agreement before we got back together i have just gone back to using that but with an extra night added thats all. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I would also be very wary of her bringing strange men into a home with your son. I would be very wary of that and inform your lawyer. Link to comment
dyna Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 ok short timeline to clear things up lol >2001 started the relationship with my ex had my son in 2008 also got married in 2008 spilt up in aug 09 seperated and filed for divorce in oct. in march 2010 she gets involved with a guy falls pregnant in may2010 they then split up we get back together in july/aug2010 while shes pregnant i agree to bring the baby up as my own jan 2011 she gives birth to his daughter feb 2011 her and the babys father get in contact and keep talking quite frequently everyday(i didnt know how much they were talking or i would have stopped it ) march 2011 find out the same guy has been going to the family home while i was at work she said to see his daughter( at 10pm yea right ) march 6th2011 tells me she wants to end it and for me to move out (i have no choice as its her rented home) i leave (to my parents home ) and they start up their 'secret' relationship lol. its 1 huge mess i know Link to comment
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