I got the second chance I wanted! we got back together!!! now what???

[strader18]

It’s been a while since I posted on here, but I spend about 2 hours a day browsing through different post. To be honest, I don’t post much because I am not the best writer but I will try my best today to share my story and maybe someone can draw some lessons from it.

 

She and I met young she was 18 I was 20. It all started as a workplace romance which developed into a 4+ year relationship. We literally lived 3 minutes away from each other; therefore we would spend countless of times together. 1 year into the relationship, I had a new job and had to move 4 hours away. She insisted that we should maintain a LDR. She was committed to me like I’ve never seen; she would take the 4hr bus ride faithfully every week end to come spend time with me. This went for about a year and a half until she had gotten a new job and had to work on the weekends.

 

In turn I started traveling to her on weekends. I could only do every two weekends; my job was so demanding of my time. There was time I skipped out on her because of my job. This started to deteriorate the relationship. The major issue had yet to come. Sometime during the next year there was an unplanned pregnancy. She was excited, I was not from the get go. After a fighting over it and me telling her that I would be a father but not a partner as I felt she was forcing it on me (I know very dumb and selfish of me). After a week of not hearing from her, I made up my mind and decided to man up and assume responsibilities, she called saying that she didn’t want to lose me over this and that she thought about it and realized that she was too young and not ready and all that other stuff. I briefly asked if she was sure then rushed her to get an appointment. She did on her own, even went and got it done without me as I couldn’t make it.

 

After it was done we spoke about it very briefly and went on with life as if nothing happened. I guess that’s how we tried to escape this harsh reality, of us aborting a child. Looking back we stopped talking about everything that had to do with future. We didn’t talk about kids or anything. I want to say the relationship was just rolling day by day with no aim. Everything was well until may of last year when she suddenly dumped me.

 

Dumped out of nowhere, without a recent fight I was dumbfounded, confused, I was floored. Though I was still struggling with the abortion, I never thought of it as being the cause of the break up. She moved on with a rebound and the whole nine, thanks to ENA I handled it ok. They fizzled after four months and after another two she came back crying. Only then she explained why she dumped me citing that she didn’t want to talk about it, she resented me for it and decided to go. Because I never mentioned anything to her, she felt used and I wasn’t helping her through. Yes I handled it pretty bad, I cried over it thought about it every day but I didn’t know how to approach her and offer support without causing more pain. Then again she apologized for leaving like this as she is equally responsible for what happened and should have said something instead of taking off on me.

 

After two months of talking, we decided to try again and take it slow, starting all over again. We discussed our issues and everything seemed to be falling back into place. Both families were happy.

 

It was good, I was happy to have her back and so was she. She made a lot of effort to prove to me that she wanted this but I could feel that something wasn’t right. It was like we were walking on egg shells. After a long thought process i I initiated a conversation in regards to our status. She revealed that she had also be having second thoughts about us. Feels like we were moving too fast and that it just didn’t feel natural. Which I 100% agreed with. We decided to call it off and move on and maybe over time try a friendship.

 

Now how do I really feel? I am very upset; I miss her, still love her, want her back but don’t need her back at least not right now. Now to all of you on here crying and wishing for a second chance, maybe the break up is your second chance. Think think and think, let your emotions settle and decide if this is really really what you want. I did the whole crying, praying not eating, staying in bed or whatever else and I did get her back in my life. Now looking back maybe we should’ve stayed broken up. I read this somewhere” relationships are like glass, they are better off broken, as you might cut yourself trying to put it back together”. Before you jump back as soon at the ex gives you an opportunity, take a step back and do some soul searching.

 

Also I want to thank the entire ENA community for helping me through this. A lot of you really take the time to help people.I don’t think I will post anymore on here but I will definitely browse through every day as I became addicted to ENA.

Thank you everyone

[bec83]

Thank you for sharing your story, i only joined today and can already see the support this site offers. I would agree with you too, things change over time and second chances can end up being between two totally different people than the first time round, so it's best to think about what you really want before making that decision. Good luck with whatever you decide to do next