some advice PLEASE..

[surferboy]

I tryed desperately to get back with my ex, and reading this site it sems I did all the wrong things. Know she doesn't speak to me at all.

 

As things stand she doesn't want to go down "that road" because she was so hurt in the past when I decided it wasn't working.

 

We were together for less than a year when she fell pregnant, but everyone including her was over the moon. Except me, I had just moved to the city previously to start studying. Escaping a six year relationship which really messed me up. We had two children, but were never in love, just there for the kids whom I love very much.

 

So when the girl I was seeing fell pregnant (but because of what i'd been through in the past) I got really scared and we split up. She loved me to bits and for months after I buried my head in the books, we stayed friends but all the time she wanted me back.

 

After Sophies birth my veiws changed. I realised how much I loved them both but how could it work? it was just history repeating itself (well thats what i had convinced myself).

 

Anyway four months ago things changed and my life fell to pieces.

 

My ex moved away with my two kids and her new man, since then they have cut all contact and I have no way of getting in touch. This hurt bad, but it made me sit up and take notice of what I was throwing away with lana.

 

I realised that all the dreams I had for when i finished uni were worthless without lana and sophie in my life so I thought some more and decided that it was really what i wanted.

 

Then i found out that she was seeing someone else, I fell apart and caused a few arguments, she split up with him and i took her to Prague for a few days break from sophie and work but it didn't have the desired effect.

 

We have always been friends and now because i've been pushing too hard and getting upset she doesn't want to see me anymore. We argue when were together and it just leads to us both getting upset.

 

I just don't understand how before she was ready to settledown with me forever. How can i get these feelings back. Just before I tryed again she had just moved into a new flat, become independent with herself and sophie and said she is just enoying life with the two of them.

 

She works really hard and I've nothing but respect for her, I totally understand how she feels, I just wish she would give me a chance know the fear has gone and i know what i want.

 

She has changed, some of the things she says when she is angry really hurt, she has toughened up and says she doesn't want a man in her life, but deep down i have to believe we can make it work somehow. No matter how long it takes, they are my life. I simply cannot see a future without them, or rather I don't want a future without them.

 

The thing is if it wasn't for sophie she would have no reason to speak to me at all and would just walk away. So if i look at it that way, i don't see us getting back together, but we belong together, when we were together it was so good, i just wish i hadn't compared the relationship with the last one. But i cannot blame myself too much for that as like i said it really screwed me up (to the point of trying suicide). so maybe you guys can understand why i had the fear.

 

I cannot let this destroy my life and if there is the faintest hope of me getting the family i should have back, tell me how. She says too much has happened between us in the last year, I wasn't there for her as much as i should have been, she dosn't love me anymore and sll the usual. The problem is i'm not just working against her feelings at the moment, but that of all her friends who see her all the time and are always at her house. I don't grudge this as they are good friends and really important. But she believes everyone but me......

 

Anyway i've screwed up again, this time i can't see any way back. At the moment i'm just waiting for the day she starts seeing someone else. I know this is going to tear me apart. I'm trying the no contact stuff but its not working as i miss sophie so much, and it's so hard to not phone just to hear lanas voice, it always makes me feel better.

 

I've turned into the wuss all the articles tell me not to be, but its not easy when i see them, if we start arguing we both get upset and it hurts so much because i cannot understand why, i don't want to upset her and this just makes things worse. Sorry for rabbitting on.

_________________

** H **

[jasminebose]

Don't apologise, your post was really touching. I think as you have realised what you gave up the only way out is through, in other words.. hang in there.

You need to show her you have changed and will be there for her and Sophie now. it will take time to build trust again and she won't believe you at first but it doesn't matter- you have to try. She may even date someone else but don't stress- the more you demonstrate you are calm and won't run away at the first sign of trouble the more she will trust you again. Try telling her how you feel and be prepared for her to laugh at you. Don't let it phase you! Show her how important she is to you. Hang in there my fellow scottish friend!!

JZ